Mischievous-Kittie
Bluelighter
When I saw him I already knew him. We exchanged general info...phone numbers, personal and email addresses. 'I will see you again,' he proclaimed, 'I will.' And he brushed his lips hurridedly against mine before leaving. I thought he would be completely unobtainable and he would most likely forget me. Imagine the shock I experienced when he called two weeks later and asked if I could like to accompany him to two parties the following weekend. He mapped out the details to me and when he finished he asked, 'are you still interested?' A smile spread across my face and my eyes lit up. 'Of course.' And before he hung up he said, 'can't wait to see you on Friday.' For the next four days I could hardly contain my happiness. He picked me up on Friday and for the next two months we spent nearly every single weekend together. I loved holding his hand and endlessly gazing at him....but I had lost him before I ever had him-I could see that everytime I looked into his eyes. One day he asked me, as I lay upon his chest and gazed into his eyes, 'what colour are they?' and I told him, 'blue, why?' He closed his eyes and softly smiled before quietly replying, 'that means I'm happy.' I smiled too, not that he could see because he had closed his eyes tightly against the world. Yes, he had been happy but also tired. I mostly blamed myself. I felt I was being selfish by wanting to spend time with him, time that he could perhaps be using to rest. I suppose I never realized he didn't have time for me in his life until he didn't have me in his life. Maybe if I hadn't pushed myself into his life so fast, everything would be different. I certainly don't regret the time we had together and I learned a lot throughout the relationship. We shared ourselves with one another.
*Journal Entry number 7...While you were away*
When you left for a while you're all I ever talked about. I talked about how I missed you and when I hugged my friend Jon he almost smelled as good as you do. I cried the day you left and tearily called up my best friend. She soothed me and told me the days would fly by and you would soon return to me-it would only be a month, she promised to keep my occupied....
*Journal Entry number 8...Passed by*
But a month...a whole long month has passed by now and it's over and you haven't called
*Journal Entry number 9...Waiting*
I waited one week more and yet still the phone lay silent. I quieted my sobs and held my quivering chin high. I have to accept things the way you want them to be, no matter how much it hurts.
*Journal Entry number 10...The realization*
I saw you flash through the crowd and instantly I froze, my heart lept to my throat and I clutched the chair I sat upon. My lip began to tremble and I dropped my eyes into my lap. 'He's here,' I thought and I slowly released my breathe. 'He's here?!' I thought again. 'He lives a little less than an hour away from me, he hasn't driven up to see me in over a month but yet he can drive nearly two hours to go to a party?'
Anger flushed to my cheeks and that thought vehemently rang through my mind again and again. This is not happening...I let my feelings for you go....didn't I? When I stood face-to-face with you, you awakwardly bent down and brushed your lips against my cheek and shrugged your shoulders before saying, 'sorry I never called.'
You have never been awakward around me, an awakward hug, hesitation, shrugs, that strange sound in your voice, everything rang so unfamiliarily. I bit my lip, sighed, looked down and replied, 'yeah, me too.' Once again anger washed over me, but why should I be angry? Hadn't life gotten better?
*Journal Entry number 10...Lost*
He didn't look tired and he still looked happy...even without me in his life...without me...without him-a small part of me feels empty-a small piece of my life and of my heart will always remain lost without you. I never had the chance to tell you how I felt, how I loved you and now it's too late. "Love can sometimes be magic but magic can sometimes...just be an illusion." -Javan
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I cannot pain a perfect picture because I lack the tools and proper teaching
I cannot sing a melody when the composer has left it unfinished
But the unpaved path can be paved by a step at a time-slow and steady and perhaps a stumble here and there
But when you stumble, you learn, when you learn, you grow strong, and when you gorw strong, no longer shall you stumble
*Journal Entry number 7...While you were away*
When you left for a while you're all I ever talked about. I talked about how I missed you and when I hugged my friend Jon he almost smelled as good as you do. I cried the day you left and tearily called up my best friend. She soothed me and told me the days would fly by and you would soon return to me-it would only be a month, she promised to keep my occupied....
*Journal Entry number 8...Passed by*
But a month...a whole long month has passed by now and it's over and you haven't called
*Journal Entry number 9...Waiting*
I waited one week more and yet still the phone lay silent. I quieted my sobs and held my quivering chin high. I have to accept things the way you want them to be, no matter how much it hurts.
*Journal Entry number 10...The realization*
I saw you flash through the crowd and instantly I froze, my heart lept to my throat and I clutched the chair I sat upon. My lip began to tremble and I dropped my eyes into my lap. 'He's here,' I thought and I slowly released my breathe. 'He's here?!' I thought again. 'He lives a little less than an hour away from me, he hasn't driven up to see me in over a month but yet he can drive nearly two hours to go to a party?'
Anger flushed to my cheeks and that thought vehemently rang through my mind again and again. This is not happening...I let my feelings for you go....didn't I? When I stood face-to-face with you, you awakwardly bent down and brushed your lips against my cheek and shrugged your shoulders before saying, 'sorry I never called.'
You have never been awakward around me, an awakward hug, hesitation, shrugs, that strange sound in your voice, everything rang so unfamiliarily. I bit my lip, sighed, looked down and replied, 'yeah, me too.' Once again anger washed over me, but why should I be angry? Hadn't life gotten better?
*Journal Entry number 10...Lost*
He didn't look tired and he still looked happy...even without me in his life...without me...without him-a small part of me feels empty-a small piece of my life and of my heart will always remain lost without you. I never had the chance to tell you how I felt, how I loved you and now it's too late. "Love can sometimes be magic but magic can sometimes...just be an illusion." -Javan
------------------
I cannot pain a perfect picture because I lack the tools and proper teaching
I cannot sing a melody when the composer has left it unfinished
But the unpaved path can be paved by a step at a time-slow and steady and perhaps a stumble here and there
But when you stumble, you learn, when you learn, you grow strong, and when you gorw strong, no longer shall you stumble
