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I love my man, so why do I want to cheat?

  • Thread starter Thread starter anonvld
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anonvld

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We've been together for eight years. We have kids together. We generally get on. We have mind-bending sex. Not every time, but plenty. I do really love him.

Lately, though, I've been having mad crushes on other men. An ex. A facebook friend. A BLer. I've even looked at some of the sexy personals online. I want something different.

Sad thing is, he'd be thrilled to watch me fuck someone else. I just wouldn't. I don't like the dynamic of a threesome with 2 men.

How far into fantasyland can I go without cheating? Sexting/phone sex? Webcam fun? Is it really different from him wanking to porn? Please discuss.
 
finding a balance

i think its about finding a balance at the end of the day because were all human with desires uges ect thats just my opinion but i appreciate that its easy to say that from a neutral point of view:\
 
If he'd consider you having sex with another with him, then perhaps it'd be best to ask him how far into fantasyland he'd be comfortable with you venturing.
 
I think as the others have said, you should be discussing this with him....hopefully your relationship is open enough that you can tell him you have these feelings with him realising it's not about him?

I actually think it's pretty normal to feel this way - and different couples have different things they're comfortable with in their relationships as far as outside parties go, but I think once you do anything at all without his express knowledge, that's when things get dicey....because then it becomes a question of if it doesn't mean anything, why didn't you tell me?
 
as with most SLR advice, communication is key. talk to him about this. he sounds adventurous and liberal. perhaps you will be able to work something out where you are able to satisfy the desire you have while maintaining a relationship with the person you love.

going ahead without talking to him, you run the risk of him feeling betrayed.
 
I agree with the others who've said you should talk to him about this. Don't beat yourself up for having a wandering eye. Maybe you just need to spice things up within your own relationship and talking to him could help with this.
 
--> SLR --> I love my man, so why do I want to cheat?

We do have a standing agreement that we only "cheat" together. Rather generous,wouldn't you say? We had an encounter with a lovely woman, and a swap once as well. Nice, but not the guy I'd have chosen. The one I would most like to hook up with is adamantly squeamish about being part of a MFM threesome. And,as I said before, I don't much like it, either. I tried it when I was pretty young, and the guys weren't at all into each other, and I had the uncomfortable feeling of being passed back and forth. I'm sure it would be different if the men in question were the least bit bi, or curious. My guy is a bit curious, but that is out of the question with the other man I'm interested in. And he's single, which rather leaves off swapping. Of course I'm sure my man would feel betrayed by anything that didn't include him somehow. Guess I was just trying to justify it. Sad. Bad. Dangerous.
 
Hold on in there it will pass. . Not worth losing a good man over a fling. If you guys are open you should talk to him about it. Maybe a little romantic vaca with sex and some good rolls .
 
I think you too should both see a therapist before doing anything, he may be ok with you fucking other guyss and watching, but there might be a problem there, crushes and thinking people are hot is part of human nature, anything reakky beyond that is cheating, with i'd say exception dancing with friend at the club
 
^

I disagree.

That's an awfully simplistic and myopic view on a common human desire/behavior.
 
imo it's normal to think "what if...?", and after 8yrs, even expected.
like others have said, i would talk to him. sneaking around is bad and the other person in the relationship always, always can feel something is wrong. maybe your itch can be scratched w/out actually touching, like sexting, etc but no matter i would talk to him. you don't want to end your relationship over this so finding an alternative you can both be ok with is the way to go. maybe dress up, go to a nice restaurant, hotel bar, w/e and then your man comes in, sits down at the end of the bar and you pick him up...
damn is it getting warm in here....?? ;)
best of luck to you.
-izzy
 
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