TDS i have to travel overseas,to usa infact

[bbgirlclueless]

im addicted to benzodiazepines for social anxiety disorder and nubain (an injectable opioid) because the crippling anxiety issues leave no space for happiness and this just makes me happy.

all this takes a lot of money and i'd rather be without the drugs but the withrawals scare me.my family found out about my drug use,they dont know i stil use,i hide all this very well from them. im 25,and once an ambitious healthy self exteemed girl,i now spend all my days in front of a laptop in my parents house,watching movies and injecting nubain and benzos to give me peace and artificial happiness,im rather good looking but all that is almost wasting and i know will go to waste

i have to go to usa in 15 days but with my social anxiety i dont think i can manage it,also the withrawal from opiates would kill me.where i live,its pretty easy to get these things,but i dont believe i can carry pills in my baggage,certainly not nubain injections.i think i could carry pills but my family would know about it and that would be a disaster. i want to visit so bad its almost a dream,but like my many other dreams its destined to be crushed i believe

i have a boyfriend who wants to marry me soon,he has no idea about my drug use but if he did he would be disgusted,

i dunno if u people dont want to reply then dont,i guess i wanted to write my feelings somewhere and vent a little bit.

im letting problems accumulate all around me and choose to turn my back and inject peace and 'who cares' inside me,thinking it would solve matters.

im so lost right now..so completely hopelessly in agony..

 

[theseeker]

If you're coming from a place with OTC codeine- you could put that into your checked baggage. I realize codeine wont do much, but maybe it'll help you sleep at night. Either that or you could step down to codeine now- like today- and get used to it for the next two weeks. That way, by the time you get to US, you're already a bit through some of the w/d.

 

[neversickanymore]

if the drugs you are taking a prescribed.. then talk with your doctor about the correct way to be able to travel to the US with your proper medication.. call up the US embassy (if there is one where you are and inquire as to the law) .. on another note though, sitting in front of a computer banging back meds is no way to spend your life.. you can figure this out all you have to do is try.. where you headed to in the US.. pretty big place, love to have here, lots of different ideas and places.. good people for the vast majority, some places are miles better than others.. If you have to sacrifice life to use then you are no longer living

 

[bbgirlclueless]

I agree with ur post neversickmore,i dont believe im alive anymore,my desire to live is gone too..the opioid puts liquid motivation in me,the injectable benzo is my sheild agaibst social anxiety...people who are psychologically normal can have no idea how easy they have it.

 

[dankplantgrower]

Perhaps you should bite the bullet and start tapering off of the benzo now. Living without them sucks for the first 2 weeks, but your life will improve some. Social anxiety sucks ass I know, but its better than being completely dependent on a benzo to live. I used to eat Xanax like candy, now you can put it in front of me without even giving me an urge. I miss it occasionally, usually in big crowded places or whenever my anxiety gets out of control, but I wouldnt actually jump back on the benzo wagon if you paid me. You will have all the support you need here on Bluelight, and I swear youll look back in a month and say "Wow I cant believe I took that stuff for so long."

I don't have much experience with opiates, but maybe you could look into tapering off of those as well. I use marijuana to be happy myself. It grows out of the ground for free and you arent sick if you ever run out/leave the country. It does increase my social anxiety a tad, but I just make sure Im not stoned when I go places to be social. Like an earlier poster said, if you have to sacrifice your life to use, you are no longer living. It seems like these drugs have their claws in you pretty deep, maybe its time to start pulling them out.

<snip> I really hope you can start tapering off of the benzos and opiates though, it sounds like theyre controlling your life now. Best of luck on whatever you do, and shoot me a private message if you need to talk to someone, about anything. Im kicking a habit myself.

Last thing, if you really care about him, you should probably tell your boyfriend about your habits. He needs to know you have a couple crippling addictions before he actually puts that ring on your finger. Im sorry to hear about your misery, Im dealing with a bit of it myself, and it sucks. But best of luck, whatever you decide to do. Theres a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel yet...