I have a question about cocaine

[coco puff]

Hello everyone,

I was searching for some answers and I came across this site and found it very very educational and englightening. I appreciate all the posts that I have read here and thank you all for being so honest in your answers.....

I am not a cocaine user but I have several friends who do. Recently I got involved with a guy who I did not know was into cocaine. I find that he treats me like I am his girlfriend and his property (so to speak) when I am around him but (which is usually on the weekends when we party - I occasionally do estacy but but nothing else other than drinking).

He says the most nicest things that make one think that they are head over heals for you but as soon as the weekday arrives - its like I am non-existant to him. But mind you - when I am around him he is the NICEST PERSON ON EARTH - HE MAKES U FEEL LIKE YOU ARE ALL THAT MATTERS AND THAT THERES NO ONE ELSE IN THE ROOM!

he refuses to talk about the details of the night when he says and does things that are affectionate and refuses to confront anything - and usually ends up blaming me for not realizing that we are just HAVING FUN. I am confused as hell and need to know if I should get the f*** out now or should I give it another try.

 

[RedLeader]

To be honest, you're probably looking at two possibilities:

(1) He's yanking your chain while high (maybe your guard is down too if you're on ecstasy or drinking or whatnot), knowing that so far he's been able to manipulate you somewhat (and likely other women in the past) into cozying up with him and such.

(2) He's insecure and it takes drugs to get him to show certain emotions - empathy, love, etc.

If he's using the phrase "just having fun," then I'm more inclinded to believe that it's (1) and that he's trying to tell you in a subtle way that he likes to party with you, and to treat you like a girlfriend in those moments, but does want you as a full-on girlfriend. To be honest, he might not even be intending to hide an "act" even as much as you might be reading a desire into you being his actual girlfriend when it simply does not exist. Guys tend to think a bit differently than girls, and he might just think you are like him and assume that the weekends and the weekdays are mutually-exclusive. He does not know that it's getting to you this deeply.

I am not ruling out the case of (2), but if a person needs drugs to show empathy and love, then that person probably needs some actual help (getting off drugs, talk-therapy, etc) before that person needs a romantic relationship.

In (1), I would honestly walk away from this unless you are comfortable being a "weekend girlfriend." You'll just keep getting emotionally dumped during the week, and it's probably not worth it for you in the end. If you can infer that it's (2), and not an act guising itself as such, then I'd still probably wait until he's able to help himself before you jump in with him.

Cocaine is a very bad drug for serious relationships, in my humble opinion. You want someone who you know is open with and caring for you because he wants to be, not because it's a side-effect of his primary desire to do cocaine.

 

[coco puff]

RedLeader - I really appreciate your honesty. I have already predicted that those are the only two posibilites. I was more inclined to belive # 2 because he does treat me with a lot of respect - on weekends and weekdays except our converstions are very very short during the weekdays and mostly thru text and not on the phone.

I try to call him during the week right after we have had a wonderful weekend and he is irritaed right away for me calling and he refuses to explain his behaviour during the weekend.

I have asked him point blank if he wants me to leave his life completely and he inderictly tells me that he wants me to stay - for example - when I asked that he replied - if I didnt want you in my life i would tell you to f*** off.

He shows affection only when he is high - otherwise hes distant but still does not treat me badly or abusively. I think I am going to walk away for now.

I really dont tolerate disrespect and this is a form of disrespect. Dont you agree,,,

 

[RedLeader]

I try to call him during the week right after we have had a wonderful weekend and he is irritaed right away for me calling and he refuses to explain his behaviour during the weekend.

To be honest, he's probably just crashing hard from doing cocaine all weekend. Cocaine is a drug that when you start doing it often (every weekend would be "often" IMO), the crashes get terrible. You lose sleep, you miss it, you have a hard time feeling emotions, you can only think about the next weekend, etc. So a lot of the irriation probably is a direct result of this.

You say you do ecstasy...have you ever had a really bad crash? Kind of like that. Every week. He probably does not want to talk about his behavior over the weekend as well because it will remind him of cocaine and make him crave it and such. Or make him feel awkward about things he did. He might feel guilt for doing this to you, but does not want to face that while feeling like shit physically. He might feel guilt about what he's doing to himself.

My guess is that he's insecure and the way that cocaine induces a bipolarity onto his life just in the end makes him even more so.

I've been addicted to stimulants before (for 16 months while in the rave scene, I was doing coke, ecstasy, amphetamine, etc. tons all through the weekends) and I know that on Monday or Tuesday, the last thing I wanted to do was deal with stuff from the past weekend. Then again, I also recognize now that I would NEVER have wanted to put someone through the experience of dating me at that time.

Seriously, if you're looking for a relationship that works everyday, I would look past this guy. There are enough women out there content with the social world of drugs and weekend parties for him. And there are enough guys out there who can give to you everyday what he gives to you on the best days. Sounds cheesy, and probably a stretch since you've got feelings for him, but you'll see it if/once you step back.

 

[I NUK3D U]

I think you sound extremely sensible and mature. Tell him that you like him a lot, and if he choses to shift his cocaine habit into a cocaine 'once every so often', then you would love to give the relationship a proper go. Make him do it first though - DO NOT accept his promise to change.

It's too early days to get caught up with something like this imo.

 

[coco puff]

To be honest, he's probably just crashing hard from doing cocaine all weekend. Cocaine is a drug that when you start doing it often (every weekend would be "often" IMO), the crashes get terrible. You lose sleep, you miss it, you have a hard time feeling emotions, you can only think about the next weekend, etc. So a lot of the irriation probably is a direct result of this.

You say you do ecstasy...have you ever had a really bad crash? Kind of like that. Every week. He probably does not want to talk about his behavior over the weekend as well because it will remind him of cocaine and make him crave it and such. Or make him feel awkward about things he did. He might feel guilt for doing this to you, but does not want to face that while feeling like shit physically. He might feel guilt about what he's doing to himself.

My guess is that he's insecure and the way that cocaine induces a bipolarity onto his life just in the end makes him even more so.

I've been addicted to stimulants before (for 16 months while in the rave scene, I was doing coke, ecstasy, amphetamine, etc. tons all through the weekends) and I know that on Monday or Tuesday, the last thing I wanted to do was deal with stuff from the past weekend. Then again, I also recognize now that I would NEVER have wanted to put someone through the experience of dating me at that time.

Seriously, if you're looking for a relationship that works everyday, I would look past this guy. There are enough women out there content with the social world of drugs and weekend parties for him. And there are enough guys out there who can give to you everyday what he gives to you on the best days. Sounds cheesy, and probably a stretch since you've got feelings for him, but you'll see it if/once you step back.

I figured that much but this is constant. I have known him now for over 6 months and I still dont seem to feel like I know him any better than the first day I met him.

I will be staying away for sure. I dont have time for games. If he needs help he knows that I care. My actions towards him dont change once the e wears off. I am still loving and caring towards him despite the minor irriatation but he is completely a diff person.

at this point i dont think there is any point talking to him or confronting him with anything - i dont think he can face it.

you have no idea how much I appreciate this chat. thank you.

 

[panic in paradise]

i agree with what every one has said about the emotional block.

but, i was a heavy cocaine user, for many years, and so i surrounded myself with, or would get friends into it to keep it around, our needed. he doesnt ever ask you to carry anything does he? you sound like the type who wouldn't but...

i so doubt its a week end thing, and coke becomes lol cheap when you can fulfill others demands, exasperating the cycle. maybe i missed but, how did you meet him, how long has it been?

i wouldn't do the weekend thing any longer.

it sounds like hes heavy on it, aggressive, letting others know hes here, what's his, and how he is going to guard it. a head full of coke, a girl on your arm, and making the room watch you is what cocaine is all about, king for a day...

him saying he would just tell you to fuck off, makes sense, and ive said the same in so many words, but again he is claiming dominance over you, and does such things easily and quickly with out much emotions involved in brake ups, or wants you to think if he does treat women that way, you are lucky because he isn't that way towards you.

idk, it sounds like a lot of manipulation, and a drug fueled grandiose testosterone display. id get out.

 

[coco puff]

I think you sound extremely sensible and mature. Tell him that you like him a lot, and if he choses to shift his cocaine habit into a cocaine 'once every so often', then you would love to give the relationship a proper go. Make him do it first though - DO NOT accept his promise to change.

It's too early days to get caught up with something like this imo.

Thank you - I appreciate that...I dont think I want to talk to him about this. I feel like a stranger during the week so much so that i cant even feel comfortable enough to ask him what he is doing later that day......if i do - he says plans with friends and such.

I never get details but yet when we are together he says things like - WE ARE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER AND SUCH.

very confusing. and I dont like confusing. I prefer straight forward.

 

[coco puff]

i agree with what every one has said about the emotional block.

but, i was a heavy cocaine user, for many years, and so i surrounded myself with, or would get friends into it to keep it around, our needed. he doesnt ever ask you to carry anything does he? you sound like the type who wouldn't but...

i so doubt its a week end thing, and coke becomes lol cheap when you can fulfill others demands, exasperating the cycle. maybe i missed but, how did you meet him, how long has it been?

i wouldn't do the weekend thing any longer.

it sounds like hes heavy on it, aggressive, letting others know hes here, what's his, and how he is going to guard it. a head full of coke, a girl on your arm, and making the room watch you is what cocaine is all about, king for a day...

him saying he would just tell you to fuck off, makes sense, and ive said the same in so many words, but again he is claiming dominance over you, and does such things easily and quickly with out much emotions involved in brake ups, or wants you to think if he does treat women that way, you are lucky because he isn't that way towards you.

idk, it sounds like a lot of manipulation, and a drug fueled grandiose testosterone display. id get out.

wow - some of what you said here is going to ring in my head for a while - he does try to dominate me - when i say he acts like my bf - its not just that - he makes his presence known and he c*ck blocks me even tho we have already set the boundries - i hate this type of behaviour cuz everyone that sees me with him now assumes that we are together yet i am a stranger during the week or until i see him again on wknd.

its too much to deal with. i just hope that i am able to get over my feeling for him as soon as possible. amen.

 

[coco puff]

My guess is that he's insecure and the way that cocaine induces a bipolarity onto his life just in the end makes him even more so.

quote of the year

 

[das_feuer]

Good communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, be it platonic friendship or romantic. You should be able to bring up your concerns and questions with this guy and figure out for yourself, straight from the horse's mouth as it were, what his intentions are. If that doesn't go well then you may want to think about distancing yourself. Ultimately the decision to keep hanging around him rests with you.

Whatever you do, do not let him pressure you into doing anything that you are not absolutely comfortable with. Another important attribute of any healthy relationship is that the other person should not pressure you into doing something that you do not want to do or are not ready to do. You should also feel as though you have freedom in the relationship to make your own choices and to be friends with other people that you choose to be friends with. If he is too controlling, well, you may want to take another look at this relationship.

Find out from him where exactly the two of you stand. Are you dating? Are you boyfriend and girlfriend? What does he expect exactly from your relationship? These are important questions. I'm sure you may also have other questions that are important to you and you deserve to have them answered.

For now, put yourself and your own best interests first. Play it safe.

My own opinion on this? He's appears to be a heavy cocaine user. I would stay away if I were in your shoes. Cocaine tends to consume people absolutely.

 

[I NUK3D U]

I think you've made up your mind already

fwiw, I think you're absolutely correct. Don't stand for coming second to cocaine. If you accept it now, you'll have to accept it forever.

btw, you sound great, and I wanna publicly ask you for a drink? Hope we live in the same country

 

[coco puff]

Good communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, be it platonic friendship or romantic. You should be able to bring up your concerns and questions with this guy and figure out for yourself, straight from the horse's mouth as it were, what his intentions are. If that doesn't go well then you may want to think about distancing yourself. Ultimately the decision to keep hanging around him rests with you.

Whatever you do, do not let him pressure you into doing anything that you are not absolutely comfortable with. Another important attribute of any healthy relationship is that the other person should not pressure you into doing something that you do not want to do or are not ready to do. You should also feel as though you have freedom in the relationship to make your own choices and to be friends with other people that you choose to be friends with. If he is too controlling, well, you may want to take another look at this relationship.

Find out from him where exactly the two of you stand. Are you dating? Are you boyfriend and girlfriend? What does he expect exactly from your relationship? These are important questions. I'm sure you may also have other questions that are important to you and you deserve to have them answered.

For now, put yourself and your own best interests first. Play it safe.

My own opinion on this? He's appears to be a heavy cocaine user. I would stay away if I were in your shoes. Cocaine tends to consume people absolutely.

i tried to find out where we stand - and no answer - vague replies - i asked about what he likes about me - he says nothing - while he has me in his hands the whole time - i constantly feel like he is keeping his feelings or something to himself.

I will be keeping my best interest at heart cuz i have a child and i am a single mom - she is priority - even before me so what i do completely matters

 

[RedLeader]

Okay you do NOT want a man who regularly uses cocaine around a child. No matter how many flowers he buys you...it's just not a good idea at all. This well-strengthens my opinion.

 

[I NUK3D U]

^indeed, very much so. You've gotta want better than that for her future.

And you didn't respond to my invite ?!

 

[coco puff]

Okay you do NOT want a man who regularly uses cocaine around a child. No matter how many flowers he buys you...it's just not a good idea at all. This well-strengthens my opinion.

i have not introduced him to my child yet. lol that sometimes is a huge indication to me.

 

[coco puff]

^indeed, very much so. You've gotta want better than that for her future.

And you didn't respond to my invite ?!

haha i relaized that after - ur in uk. im in toronto, canada. if u are visiting i would def do drinks. whats ur details lol @ picking up a guy on this site. lol my first time here - this is bazzaaaaaaaaaaaaaare lol

 

[panic in paradise]

^
bazaaaar? n0, this is bluelight, and the love is usually always in the air.

its good that way, hah.

 

[coco puff]

^
bazaaaar? n0, this is bluelight, and the love is usually always in the air.

its good that way, hah.

haha! for sure

btw he says that cares about me but despite me refusing GHB several time he keeps offering it to me. I dont like that either - after I said no 3 or 4 times he offered it to me asking - DONT YOU TRUST ME!

I took it that one time and I hated myself for it. Then another time I was invited by his friends to a get together and his friends convinced me that he likes me truly - 2 days prior I still have no details of location so i called him and he called me back to say that he wants to be clear that we are going as friends

that is not the worst part - the worst part is that when i got the invitation - i asked him first - i told him that if he feels uncomfortable with me going there since everyone thinks we should be together (and his behaviour doesnt help - I have told him its confusing several times) then i wont go. i wont mind. HE REPLIE - IF I FELT UNCOMFORTABLE WE WOULDNT BE HERE - as in we were in a hotel having just spent the entire wknd togeher. I ASKED WHY HE DID THAT - HE SAID I THOUGHT WE WERE HAVING FUN.

A R G H!

any opinion on this lol

 

[panic in paradise]

if i was a girl, i think it would be a rule of mine to not take ghb with almost any guy...

and if he was pushing it, i would have to excuse myself.
one of my "best friends" took advantage of an ex girlfriend of mine that way...

is there anything else??? i ask because, you seem to keep getting surprised with these, huh, very bad things.
no, i wouldn't trust friends if they were around for the ghb stuff, and especially if they say he is ready into you, and then he says we are now friends...

jews trying to run game, your gut is telling you so. mine is also, as an ex-coke-head-hustling-manipulator...