goaskalex
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2020
- Messages
- 30
long-winded self-pittying intoxicated rant ahead.
i realize that i have a pretty long track record of giving zero fucks about the warnings of more experienced drug users when they tell me that a certain substance isn't worth it. i ignored every warning not to try heroin. i went back on a promise and started smoking meth. this is just kind of routine. but even i should have at least hesitated when the same forums and group chats that accepted my hard drug use (when practiced as safely and sensibly as possible, at least) all seemed to write off "fake weed" as complete and utter trash not to be fucked with at all.
but i didn't and i'd just like to take a moment to vent about how stupid that was.
it hasn't even been all that horrible, all things considered. i get my shit from the streets downtown, which is very much different than the shit my ex used to buy us online, which i hear is pretty different than the shit that they used to sell at gas stations and smoke shops. i haven't had any terrible reactions. i haven't seized up or gone on a psychotic rampage or thought that i was dying and called an ambulance. about the worst thing that's happened after smoking too much k2 was, like, a sixty-second episode of hallucinating bugs crawling on my belongings in front of me. (which was admittedly kind of terrifying, but apparently not terrifying enough for me to kick the habit.)
but even with the lack of any major physical side effects, this is easily the most hellish drug i've ever let myself get hooked on. i had an easier time stopping heroin. and meth. and benzos and drinking and crack and even binge eating. when i first started smoking it i could take a hit or two, be instantly shitfaced the second i exhaled, and stay fucked up for hours for way cheaper than with my usual combination of weed plus something harder. with a persistent weed-esque buzz for even longer and relatively no comedown outside of the obvious fiending. it took very little time to build up a tolerance to the spice, by which point weed stopped doing anything for me. eventually a bowl would keep me buzzed for an hour or two. i started smoking in the bathroom or behind the dumpsters at work every half hour or so just to get through my shift before losing it for unrelated corona reasons. i got a hookup on the street tucci after the boyfriend who introduced me to it broke up with me and left me back on the streets. it's barely been a couple of months and now between me and the other homeless kid i share a spot with, we could easily be spending forty usd a piece on spice every day if we had the money. except for when we first wake up in the morning and smoke our first blunt or when money or circumstances force us to take a break for a few hours, we're lucky to catch a decent high for a few minutes after smoking. it's almost like a cigarette but worse; we're not even smoking this shit to get high anymore, we're doing it out of compulsion and because anything more than a couple of hours without a fix is agitating at best and crippling at worst.
even when i was a suicidal needle junkie late last year and hit the closest thing i've ever found to "rock bottom," i was never this dysfunctional. my friend and i wake up every morning and the first thing on our minds is did we save a wake-up. spice comes before food, and we routinely go days without eating when before we used to get the munchies like weed on steroids. i spend damn near every waking moment panhandling so that we can afford to bus or walk downtown every afternoon to pick up. we have a circle of chronically homeless drug-using friends under a bridge who usually look out for us on days when we're strapped for cash and vice versa. once in a while, we'll wind up stuck with no way to smoke and have to spend the day sober. typically ends in panic attacks, suicide plans, bouts of dissociation, and unmanageable insomnia for both of us. if i don't smoke again the next day, i'm lethargic and disoriented. i've allegedly had depression since middle school but i've never been more unbearably miserable than when i can't smoke. all i can think about until my next hit is how badly i want to die just to make the dopesick stop. i've sucked it up and come off the stuff once since i started using it heavily, and after two or three days the withdrawal started to subside only to be replaced with the speediest mania i've ever felt. ended up smoking again anyway while i was manic and wound up right back where i started.
i should have never given spice the benefit of the doubt. plain and simple. i would rather withdraw from heroin again than try to stop smoking k2, and i don't even enjoy getting high on it anymore. it's just a dangerous, illegal, inconvenient drain on my wallet. at least smack felt good while it was burning holes in my wallet and trying to kill me. i'm beginning to just hate the feeling of smoking a spice blunt now.
so yeah. like damn near everyone across bluelight, reddit, discord, and tumblr told me so, spice is a garbage fucking drug. is there a "right way" to use it like with any other drug? i'm sure there is. do i think it's worth it to find out? abso-fucking-lutely not. literally just go smoke some weed and candyflip or something. and then whack yourself upside the head with a frying pan when you start to come down if you wanna get the full effect because i promise you that would still be more pleasant than smoking spice.
i realize that i have a pretty long track record of giving zero fucks about the warnings of more experienced drug users when they tell me that a certain substance isn't worth it. i ignored every warning not to try heroin. i went back on a promise and started smoking meth. this is just kind of routine. but even i should have at least hesitated when the same forums and group chats that accepted my hard drug use (when practiced as safely and sensibly as possible, at least) all seemed to write off "fake weed" as complete and utter trash not to be fucked with at all.
but i didn't and i'd just like to take a moment to vent about how stupid that was.
it hasn't even been all that horrible, all things considered. i get my shit from the streets downtown, which is very much different than the shit my ex used to buy us online, which i hear is pretty different than the shit that they used to sell at gas stations and smoke shops. i haven't had any terrible reactions. i haven't seized up or gone on a psychotic rampage or thought that i was dying and called an ambulance. about the worst thing that's happened after smoking too much k2 was, like, a sixty-second episode of hallucinating bugs crawling on my belongings in front of me. (which was admittedly kind of terrifying, but apparently not terrifying enough for me to kick the habit.)
but even with the lack of any major physical side effects, this is easily the most hellish drug i've ever let myself get hooked on. i had an easier time stopping heroin. and meth. and benzos and drinking and crack and even binge eating. when i first started smoking it i could take a hit or two, be instantly shitfaced the second i exhaled, and stay fucked up for hours for way cheaper than with my usual combination of weed plus something harder. with a persistent weed-esque buzz for even longer and relatively no comedown outside of the obvious fiending. it took very little time to build up a tolerance to the spice, by which point weed stopped doing anything for me. eventually a bowl would keep me buzzed for an hour or two. i started smoking in the bathroom or behind the dumpsters at work every half hour or so just to get through my shift before losing it for unrelated corona reasons. i got a hookup on the street tucci after the boyfriend who introduced me to it broke up with me and left me back on the streets. it's barely been a couple of months and now between me and the other homeless kid i share a spot with, we could easily be spending forty usd a piece on spice every day if we had the money. except for when we first wake up in the morning and smoke our first blunt or when money or circumstances force us to take a break for a few hours, we're lucky to catch a decent high for a few minutes after smoking. it's almost like a cigarette but worse; we're not even smoking this shit to get high anymore, we're doing it out of compulsion and because anything more than a couple of hours without a fix is agitating at best and crippling at worst.
even when i was a suicidal needle junkie late last year and hit the closest thing i've ever found to "rock bottom," i was never this dysfunctional. my friend and i wake up every morning and the first thing on our minds is did we save a wake-up. spice comes before food, and we routinely go days without eating when before we used to get the munchies like weed on steroids. i spend damn near every waking moment panhandling so that we can afford to bus or walk downtown every afternoon to pick up. we have a circle of chronically homeless drug-using friends under a bridge who usually look out for us on days when we're strapped for cash and vice versa. once in a while, we'll wind up stuck with no way to smoke and have to spend the day sober. typically ends in panic attacks, suicide plans, bouts of dissociation, and unmanageable insomnia for both of us. if i don't smoke again the next day, i'm lethargic and disoriented. i've allegedly had depression since middle school but i've never been more unbearably miserable than when i can't smoke. all i can think about until my next hit is how badly i want to die just to make the dopesick stop. i've sucked it up and come off the stuff once since i started using it heavily, and after two or three days the withdrawal started to subside only to be replaced with the speediest mania i've ever felt. ended up smoking again anyway while i was manic and wound up right back where i started.
i should have never given spice the benefit of the doubt. plain and simple. i would rather withdraw from heroin again than try to stop smoking k2, and i don't even enjoy getting high on it anymore. it's just a dangerous, illegal, inconvenient drain on my wallet. at least smack felt good while it was burning holes in my wallet and trying to kill me. i'm beginning to just hate the feeling of smoking a spice blunt now.
so yeah. like damn near everyone across bluelight, reddit, discord, and tumblr told me so, spice is a garbage fucking drug. is there a "right way" to use it like with any other drug? i'm sure there is. do i think it's worth it to find out? abso-fucking-lutely not. literally just go smoke some weed and candyflip or something. and then whack yourself upside the head with a frying pan when you start to come down if you wanna get the full effect because i promise you that would still be more pleasant than smoking spice.
