GumbyClaymation
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2011
- Messages
- 92
Just for my personal situation. Overall, I believe the war on drugs is a big failure, and hope the thread doesn't get derailed on a tangent about that.
I'm a white collar guy and feel I have benefited in my outlook on life from psychedelic experiences, probably the best from mushrooms or 4ACO-DMT, but others as well. My drug use has stretched the grey area between what's for entertainment and hedonism and what's for more serious self development, enlightenment, discovery, and curiosity. I've come to realize I'm not the best scientist or the best organized, but if I had greater confidence in the identity of those things that I can access either through trust or technical testing, I feel like I could make more progress in self discovery, maybe even help myself be a better person and a more productive member of society.
I feel isolated in that I don't know others in real life who explore in these ways. I wonder if there may be others I know in real life who feel the same way, but the logic tells me that people like me are few and far between. The folks I have met have been cool, but more of drifters. I have a wife and kids I enjoy and the life that goes along with it. Many parts of being in maintream society are nice. I feel like I have a secret part of me that likes to experiment with psychedelic and dissociative drugs. Its socially unacceptable unless you somehow find a ring of friends with mutual understanding. Can't be done in the same house as the rest of the family who don't understand, or must be hidden, which isn't good. Drugs aren't so much the problem as the attitude towards drugs of everyone around me. Aside from the aspect of different perceptions about drugs, I'm around good people.
I've been trying to find opportunities here and there to go back in, but the time on the calendar doesn't always coincide with a good set and setting, so not much progress happens. To top it off, I suspect my personal body chemistry is leaning towards the "hard-head" mentality, so need larger supplies but still need to take a cautious approach, which takes time.
Not being in a circle of trust with anyone, I gravitated toward the RCs and did a short stint in online black markets. A decade ago, I felt RCs were pretty reliable, but now, I feel that the quality/identity of what I buy is more suspect. Combined with my unusual body chemistry, I could often not tell if I was ripped off or if I had good product and my body was the issue. There have been too many cases to list where I believed I had something bunk and other claimed it was good.
Here I am wondering if I should just abandon those thoughts of finding something in this mess of my brain and go be another cog in the wheel. I love my wife. She is not the type that enjoys or understands the appeal of inner exploration. Drugs make her feel weird and she doesn't like them. She has the influence of the Nancy Reagan "Just Say No" campaign. My wife's a good person, and I think she's correct that drugs are not much for her. Otherwise, we get along well. Are there others out there like me?
I'm a white collar guy and feel I have benefited in my outlook on life from psychedelic experiences, probably the best from mushrooms or 4ACO-DMT, but others as well. My drug use has stretched the grey area between what's for entertainment and hedonism and what's for more serious self development, enlightenment, discovery, and curiosity. I've come to realize I'm not the best scientist or the best organized, but if I had greater confidence in the identity of those things that I can access either through trust or technical testing, I feel like I could make more progress in self discovery, maybe even help myself be a better person and a more productive member of society.
I feel isolated in that I don't know others in real life who explore in these ways. I wonder if there may be others I know in real life who feel the same way, but the logic tells me that people like me are few and far between. The folks I have met have been cool, but more of drifters. I have a wife and kids I enjoy and the life that goes along with it. Many parts of being in maintream society are nice. I feel like I have a secret part of me that likes to experiment with psychedelic and dissociative drugs. Its socially unacceptable unless you somehow find a ring of friends with mutual understanding. Can't be done in the same house as the rest of the family who don't understand, or must be hidden, which isn't good. Drugs aren't so much the problem as the attitude towards drugs of everyone around me. Aside from the aspect of different perceptions about drugs, I'm around good people.
I've been trying to find opportunities here and there to go back in, but the time on the calendar doesn't always coincide with a good set and setting, so not much progress happens. To top it off, I suspect my personal body chemistry is leaning towards the "hard-head" mentality, so need larger supplies but still need to take a cautious approach, which takes time.
Not being in a circle of trust with anyone, I gravitated toward the RCs and did a short stint in online black markets. A decade ago, I felt RCs were pretty reliable, but now, I feel that the quality/identity of what I buy is more suspect. Combined with my unusual body chemistry, I could often not tell if I was ripped off or if I had good product and my body was the issue. There have been too many cases to list where I believed I had something bunk and other claimed it was good.
Here I am wondering if I should just abandon those thoughts of finding something in this mess of my brain and go be another cog in the wheel. I love my wife. She is not the type that enjoys or understands the appeal of inner exploration. Drugs make her feel weird and she doesn't like them. She has the influence of the Nancy Reagan "Just Say No" campaign. My wife's a good person, and I think she's correct that drugs are not much for her. Otherwise, we get along well. Are there others out there like me?
