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I don't know what to do about my brother

oliphill

oliphill

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 9, 2003
Messages
1,739
Location
Bury St. Edmunds, UK
My mum phoned me in tears this morning, asking me to get him some subutex. She told me he overdosed last night on a bench and the police put him in an ambulance and luckily he came to in the ambulance. He called me and I said I would ask a friend. He came over, looking an absolute state, like he was at the beginning of a big cluck. He was crying, then getting angry, just all over the place saying he's gonna get one more bag, then clean himself up. I told him I said that for years. There was no getting through to him, me and my friend tried for ages, and in the end my friend wouldnt give him the subutex because a) he didnt wanna get involved and b) he was actually gonna cut his own dose in half so he could have the other half, but if he was gonna score anyway it was pointless.

I dont know what do, half of me thinks I have to leave him to it, the other half wants to help him.. He went to rehab the same time as me, but when he was in there he met a girl and they became a couple after they finished. They both relapsed and now she has left him, she wont speak to him. He has now got a proper habit again. He's in bits, crying all the time and using every day. What the fuck do I do?? I know he has to find his own way, but maybe he needs something else if he's od'ing and he's gonna end up killing himself??

This is all very hard for me at the moment, as I am in early recovery myself too

:(
 
Hang in there bro.. I'm not sure what you should do but I want you to know that you can come here and people will listen to you and let you vent. If you say you've done all you can then perhaps that's the truth... apparently they say an addict has to want to get clean before it can happen. I don't know.. I'm a chronic relapser myself... I stupidly let my girlfriend walk in on my bedroom when needles were all over the place.. so now I'm on lock down... 6th day clean. Hopefully your brother can get some help before it's too late.
 
I know when i got clean (totaly clean) i realy needed these guys to come into the detox center i went to (just because if i didnt go there i would be cut off support and get kicked out of a basic job readyness training program)and talk to me for what seemed like hours to get me to agree to detox then go into rehab,and it worked ,i got clean i just happend to relaps and not look back.
It is very true that you must want to quit before you can,i am in the early stages of that rite now and am trying to seek help once again at 43.
I guess what im saying is there is help out there ya just gotta make the rite calls and sometimes people need others that have quit to help push you in the rite direction.
If a twelve step doesnt work then nuthing will untill hes ready but its worthe a try.
Every town city whatever has people that will come over to yer house and talk to him about getting clean and thats all a person needs sometimes.
You can at least try it and see what happens.
I regret relapsing,i was clean for at least 4 months not even takeing an aspirin and i remeber going to meetings and being happy making friends running clean dances etc.
God only knows why i took that first drink again and that first toke on some hash,but i did and that on me , no one can save someone that isnt willing to at least give it a try...
good luck i feel for ya......
 
The best thing for your bro is to go back to rehab! He almost died. You can't be his sub dealer now. He has to get help for himself. You know that if you help him you risk relapsing as well. Don't let your mum put a guilt trip on you! Shame on her if she tries!
 
Sorry to hear about your brother man...it's tough watching a family member go downhill. You can always be there for him without taking on his issues by listening, not judging him, etc.

You said you got clean recently so make sure to take care of your own mental health during this too. I hope it all works out for the best...
 
Thanks guys. Yeah its very difficult for me as I'm only 3 1/2 months clean myself so my emotions are still a bit all over the place. I do realise I have to leave him to it and for him to find his own way. I was just so worried that he had gone and od'd somewhere today as he went to score then his phone was off all day, so I went to check out the usual place in town where people shoot up, just incase he was there passed out. But I know now there is nothing I can really do but be there for him when he needs it, but also try to keep my distance as it could cause me to wanna use.

Feeling a bit better about it all now, he's safe at my parents house and at the moment that is all that matters. I have faith that one day he will find his way and get clean and stay clean.

Thanks for all your support!
 
User Name Here said:
Short but to the point. I agree with you.

He really needs to return to rehab... I don't know if he will unless he wants to though =/
Click to expand...

He's applied for an assessment at the local treatment centre that I just went through. It takes a while to get in though. You have to turn up every wednesday and they pick you when they think your ready. I don't know how much he actually wants to go though, I think he applied to get a subutex prescription faster and now my mum got hold of a load of subutex for him anyway. So we'll see. I guess he has to find his own way.
 
hi oliphill, we have a similar situation - i am marrying 1 brother who is now clean, the middle bro is now clean, the younger baby bear is off done and bk on H but is doin plenty of blackmail to the clean brothers + yes the mother mothers only the baby and helps him fund his habit. i have told both clean brothers they need 2 keep putting themselves 1st + look afta their health as that's the only way they can help him really. its great u care. he has 2 care about himself tho now + from somewhere deep inside find a connection 2 his real self that wants 2 be alive + fully participate in life. my fella says his old druggie mates all look like zombies 2 him now. You have got 2 look afta number 1 + just let ur bro know with ur love + acceptance that he is still ur brother, no matter what. then he can come bk 2 u, and life and those who love him on this side wen he is ready + feels no pressure. he can find himself.
 
starEkstasis said:
hi oliphill, we have a similar situation - i am marrying 1 brother who is now clean, the middle bro is now clean, the younger baby bear is off done and bk on H but is doin plenty of blackmail to the clean brothers + yes the mother mothers only the baby and helps him fund his habit. i have told both clean brothers they need 2 keep putting themselves 1st + look afta their health as that's the only way they can help him really. its great u care. he has 2 care about himself tho now + from somewhere deep inside find a connection 2 his real self that wants 2 be alive + fully participate in life. my fella says his old druggie mates all look like zombies 2 him now. You have got 2 look afta number 1 + just let ur bro know with ur love + acceptance that he is still ur brother, no matter what. then he can come bk 2 u, and life and those who love him on this side wen he is ready + feels no pressure. he can find himself.
Click to expand...

Yeah my other brother is clean and has been for nearly 3 years. So in a very similar situation to your partner! 3 addict brothers, tends to be a bit of rarity, only heard of one other example! Hows his Mum doing? Mine is totally broken by what the 3 of us have put her through. The using brother is living at home with my parents and yeah my mum is enabling him at the moment, apparently he's been told to not come home again if he goes and scores today, but I doubt she'll stick to it. She did kick me out when I was living there and it did help me a lot in the long run and she knows this. She's just so wrapped up in his issues and emotions that she's feeling them herself and can't bear to see him in pain. She goes to Fam-anon which helps her a lot, but still it's all very difficult for her.

Thanks for your support, hope all works out ok with your partners bro!
 
hiya - um well actually there is the problem in quite a big way i think. iv only met her twice. the 1st time she hugged me like a daughter, the 2nd she called me a 2 faced bitch + camped out w said younger bro by my fella's flat 2 annoy him in some way. im afraid i gave her the finger as i drove by. i am disgusted that she has been one of these mixed messages abusive mums. im delighted i got a perfect example of it myself in front of my fella myself so i have a taste of wot certainly my fella as the older 1 was brought up with. she was physically abusive to him and denied it 2 me in that 1st meeting in case he told me, she said.
 
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