THE_REAL_OBLIVION
Bluelight Crew
I'm on disability welfare, and soon it will be just welfare because the government suddenly doesn't recognize GAD/Panic Attacks and Depersonalization as something that prevents one from working, adding all my physical woes on top of this and I just stopped really caring when I got that letter saying my 900 dollars a month would be dropped to 500 and I was "apt to work".
I do not care about anything, I listen to cbc radio all day waiting for doomsaying news, the more chaos I hear about, the more excited I get, the more heart arrhythmia I get, the better I feel strangely, I want more train derailments, I want more hate crimes, I want more religious strife. While I sit here in my atheistic bubble, decaying as I feel my left foot needs a sonogram oh and my chest too while at it but I'm done with dealing with doctors.
I'm unable to even get satisfied with opis+benzos now, suboxone is too normalish feeling for me. It makes me feel the pain issues that got me to opiates in the first place. Doctors and the psychiatrist are douches and even when they want to help and fill me a disability form, the government decides that suddenly I only need another 3 months of TEMPORARY disability and then now next month i'll be suddenly "apt to work". Yeah right, I'm not ever working for this sick society. The best I can do is wait a year and half more so I can declare bankruptcy related to my student loans and get loans again (the system is fucked lol) so I can go and finish either one of the programs I did in college for 2 years out of 3 where I quit for different reasons but it seemed to me like history was repeating itself again. I am not reducing myself to physical slave wage work.
But at the same time I am resigned, the government just wants me to off myself because I cost too much to society. That's the message they're clearly sending here. Well I don't care, I just want to sit here and watch their world burn then, feels even man.
I do not care about anything, I listen to cbc radio all day waiting for doomsaying news, the more chaos I hear about, the more excited I get, the more heart arrhythmia I get, the better I feel strangely, I want more train derailments, I want more hate crimes, I want more religious strife. While I sit here in my atheistic bubble, decaying as I feel my left foot needs a sonogram oh and my chest too while at it but I'm done with dealing with doctors.
I'm unable to even get satisfied with opis+benzos now, suboxone is too normalish feeling for me. It makes me feel the pain issues that got me to opiates in the first place. Doctors and the psychiatrist are douches and even when they want to help and fill me a disability form, the government decides that suddenly I only need another 3 months of TEMPORARY disability and then now next month i'll be suddenly "apt to work". Yeah right, I'm not ever working for this sick society. The best I can do is wait a year and half more so I can declare bankruptcy related to my student loans and get loans again (the system is fucked lol) so I can go and finish either one of the programs I did in college for 2 years out of 3 where I quit for different reasons but it seemed to me like history was repeating itself again. I am not reducing myself to physical slave wage work.
But at the same time I am resigned, the government just wants me to off myself because I cost too much to society. That's the message they're clearly sending here. Well I don't care, I just want to sit here and watch their world burn then, feels even man.
