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Mental Health I can get ANY drug for FREE but...

L

Legally High

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 21, 2014
Messages
224
I still can't get with my soulmate.
I have access to anything for free, there must be something that will make me live. I'm haunted daily thinking she might get married before I can find a solution. But more so than that it's just sad to waste all this time we could be together and having kids but instead I'm in my own torment.

It's not about getting high it's about having a wife and kids.

hopefully this thread can help anyone searching for answers to anxiety, depression, & related illnesses
 
Forget about the drugs and concentrate on the woman, if that's what you want.
 
I like that concept... care to elaborate?
I'm not happy with how I feel though, I wish I could feel more calm and collected. Whever I'm around her I'm quiet, anxious, and awkward. But that's how I tend to be socially, when unmedicated.
 
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Then work on becoming calmer and more collected around her and other people more generally. Or just work on becoming a more calm, collected individual regardless of the situation.

Do you have stuff you enjoy doing hobby wise that she might also enjoy that can help distract the two of you while you're together - like a common interest or something - that doesn't require either of you to get wrapped up in each other directly? Like something you both can lose yourself in. Socializing isn't just about doing what most people think as of a lot of the time as socializing per se - it doesn't need to just be about going out to eat or going to restaurants or something. Take her hiking, get out in nature, go on a bike ride with her. You can go on all the dates in the world if it works out later.

Wanting to get someone else to fall in love with you is one of human kind's oldest dreams. Focus on your own health and, in terms of your object of desire, work on cultivate a relationship with her - any kind of non-romantic relationship. It's it's meant to be it will happen. Cliche, but you can't force the kind of love you're looking for. And you know what they say about those who go out and look for love itself?

How long have you know her? If there comes a chance when it's not entirely inappropriate, have you ever tried expressing how you feel to her more directly, or at least sussing out how she might feel about relationships? The fact you're already thinking about marriage might mean you're taking things a bit too fast (in terms of the kinds of desires and expectations you're setting yourself up for mentally speaking).
 
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It's just sad man, we are like soul mates. She's been into me for the longest time.

We've grown up together our families have been close and
I am this attractive guy who likes to wild out she's an attractive girl who likes to wild out.
I had a fling with her for about a week and it was this really awesome thing ...but I was on a cocktail of drugs (benzodiazepines, vyvanse, suboxone, effexor, and bud) couldn't maintain, crashed and quit talking to her. But I never felt right sober, so I kept moving on to the next substance. Hoping I could find something that would work for me. But instead feel I dug my own shallow grave. Self destructing from chemical dependence/withdrawal time and time again.
Currently I'm taking a ssri, about 10mg Dexedrine for the day, and occasional periods of bud and ambien use. Some ssris work well for my moods but they make me so sedated all I can think about is sleep. All I have to do is be present, I could walk to her house she lives so close. But I'm a prisoner inside my head.
 
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Ha that's cool I sun bathe nude most days, I've always had a thing for nature...and I really like the idea of taking a walk through nature. Thanks for the support.
 
But if anyone else knows why I'm a modelesque figure staying with my ol lady working part time fast food, when I could do anything I want with my life. Feel free to chip in.
 
You sound like someone that wants to go deeper in life but doesn't know how. The body you happen to be in matters a lot less than you think. If you stay on the surface of life you miss a whole lot that only happens in the depths. people mistakenly think it is an easier way to live but it isn't--the true self (in every one of us) knows that a superficial existence is not life.

Just out of curiosity (and a penchant for questioning much of what I read on internet forums) how is it that you work part time in fast food and yet have this stellar insurance that covers everything? ;)
 
Thats the point I'm trying to get across though, most people would do anything to have my potential. All the cards are stacked in my favor. I look good, people like me, I have opportunities, a beautiful girl that loves me and wants to be the mother of my kids but I'm always drowning myself in pills to try to get through the day. I've been blacking out every day on ambien that I told myself I wouldn't take unless it was an emergency.
 
My brother and sister are highly successful, while I stay home with my mum, throwing my life away, trying to fix myself. I waste too much time looking up medications and anything related to mood. I've always been horribly anxious. And have never been able to find a long term solution. That's my story haha, I just feel like there has to be something to make me feel well. I'm a prisoner to my own mind.
 
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