I need to gather you guys' experience and help me get clean. I'm not succeeding here on my own. The days just go by and by slowly and I feel worse and worse but keep using. I need all of you guys thoughts on what I should do because I don't know. I will try to sum it up as brief as possible.
12 years ago tried heroin, used for six months got put on suboxone. Very easy transition.
11 years ago tapered off subs, got addicted to H for three months, reinduced myself. Easy.
stayed on suboxone for all these years, except I did quit twice and was without any opiates for two one year periods.
during this whole 12 year time I had maybe three, one month long heroin only use periods before getting back on subs and multiple one or two day H uses.
So I am on H now and it has been about a year! I have never been on it that long. It started as one day, but somehow it just got out of control and I spent several months taking suboxone in the morning, swearing to quit that day, but caved most days and took heroin at night. It makes me sad to write this because I had a girlfriend back then, and if I think about it, it is very sad, because I remember talking to her and her trying to help me get better. She is gone, but she told me to just stop taking the subs until I could finally get it together and commit to taking only them.
it seems like a while ago, but I think I remember they stopped taking away the morning sickness after months of this jumping back and forth. I was only taking about 1mg in the morning, so I am hoping it is just that I drove my opiate tolerance up so high that that small amount of subs wasn't enough.
so I stopped this using both and only took H and the days, became weeks became months. Now I am scared and desperate. I no longer have even her to talk to and help me. I am not homeless or anything and I have a place to live and all that, but they don't know, nor can they know I am addicted. My plan is to tell them I can't find a sub doctor(which is true) and I have to cut my sub dosage in half so I will feel shitty for for a week or so.
so my OCD fixates on what I fear. When I was pretty happy and stable on 1-2mg a day of subs all those years I would fear getting sick with a cold or flu, or something trivial. But now that I am on drugs and scared, I have centered my OCD around suboxone not working anymore. That I abused it and now I have no chance and will be stuck on H until I die. I am OCDing this because this is what I fear most, subs not working and not having a way to get clean. I do not feel I have it in me to cold turkey.
so I need help. Unfortunately I have scoured the Internet for searches like "suboxone doesn't work anymore" and found stuff like this:
"back and forth from bupe to using is not a good idea. It confuses your brain and eventually the bupe looses a lot of its efficiency and it becomes a lot harder to make the transition onto it."
i wish the the poster of that, Mr. Scagnante stil posted on here, he seemed to know a lot.
Its classic ocd, hypochondriac behaviors. Have a few symptoms to a disease and look online and cherry pick the information that confirms you have what you are afraid of. But this is preventing me from trying because I am scared to find out it won't work. I am also scared to let myself get sick, fail, get sick, fail. And just end up in a cycle of trying to re induce and failing and hurting my health.
i don't know how to do this. Unfortunately, I have read a lot of weird stuff online and scared myself to pieces and convinced myself subs won't work for me anymore. Last night I just read all sorts of posts of difficult sub inductions, but I didn't read about al the people that had an easy time, and maybe they aren't posting anyways because they don't need help.
i did go to a detox center a couple weeks ago, I waited 18-20 hours since last use and took 2mg, one hour later 2mg and started dry heaving into the pillow and panicked and checked out and went home and shot up and passed out. It was very disheartening because I watched all the other people at the detox go from somewhat sick to taking suboxone and be walking around smiling and talking. I didn't feel any good benefits, but I also don't think it was precipitated withdrawal because I didn't have the worst feeling ever, I just felt like I went from 18-20 hours after last use to maybe 24-30 hours, like I felt really bad, but not withdrawal times ten like I read about. I tried talking to the night nurse because I had to wait until 10:30 to take it and she didn't have the authority to give me more suboxone before eight hours and also once I was on subs couldn't give me clonidine or anything else. The night nurse isn't as powerful as the day nurses I guess.
so here I am and I have read about another member on here that tried a method where you induce little bits of suboxone and use tiny amounts of H in the afternoon and evening for the first few days, to help you stabilize and get your tolerance down. I guess the thinking is that the reason suboxone may become harder to work on some people is they have a high tolerance. So this method builds the subs in your system while getting your tolerance down. From everybody that tried it they reported success, if they could have the willpower to stop taking the H.
i think I would like to try this, but then again I have OCD and am desperate. I am shooting for Monday to try to get clean, with whatever method works. What do you guys think? I know I am overthinking this, have you heard or experienced suboxone stopping working? What should I do to get it to work? People tell me I'm crazy and of course it works, why would it stop working! I've just found a couple of random examples on the Internet and should just shut up and take suboxone. Is that right?
i promise, if you help me get stable on suboxone and only suboxone, I will never use any other opiates ever again. Not even once. I am not even just saying that.
12 years ago tried heroin, used for six months got put on suboxone. Very easy transition.
11 years ago tapered off subs, got addicted to H for three months, reinduced myself. Easy.
stayed on suboxone for all these years, except I did quit twice and was without any opiates for two one year periods.
during this whole 12 year time I had maybe three, one month long heroin only use periods before getting back on subs and multiple one or two day H uses.
So I am on H now and it has been about a year! I have never been on it that long. It started as one day, but somehow it just got out of control and I spent several months taking suboxone in the morning, swearing to quit that day, but caved most days and took heroin at night. It makes me sad to write this because I had a girlfriend back then, and if I think about it, it is very sad, because I remember talking to her and her trying to help me get better. She is gone, but she told me to just stop taking the subs until I could finally get it together and commit to taking only them.
it seems like a while ago, but I think I remember they stopped taking away the morning sickness after months of this jumping back and forth. I was only taking about 1mg in the morning, so I am hoping it is just that I drove my opiate tolerance up so high that that small amount of subs wasn't enough.
so I stopped this using both and only took H and the days, became weeks became months. Now I am scared and desperate. I no longer have even her to talk to and help me. I am not homeless or anything and I have a place to live and all that, but they don't know, nor can they know I am addicted. My plan is to tell them I can't find a sub doctor(which is true) and I have to cut my sub dosage in half so I will feel shitty for for a week or so.
so my OCD fixates on what I fear. When I was pretty happy and stable on 1-2mg a day of subs all those years I would fear getting sick with a cold or flu, or something trivial. But now that I am on drugs and scared, I have centered my OCD around suboxone not working anymore. That I abused it and now I have no chance and will be stuck on H until I die. I am OCDing this because this is what I fear most, subs not working and not having a way to get clean. I do not feel I have it in me to cold turkey.
so I need help. Unfortunately I have scoured the Internet for searches like "suboxone doesn't work anymore" and found stuff like this:
"back and forth from bupe to using is not a good idea. It confuses your brain and eventually the bupe looses a lot of its efficiency and it becomes a lot harder to make the transition onto it."
i wish the the poster of that, Mr. Scagnante stil posted on here, he seemed to know a lot.
Its classic ocd, hypochondriac behaviors. Have a few symptoms to a disease and look online and cherry pick the information that confirms you have what you are afraid of. But this is preventing me from trying because I am scared to find out it won't work. I am also scared to let myself get sick, fail, get sick, fail. And just end up in a cycle of trying to re induce and failing and hurting my health.
i don't know how to do this. Unfortunately, I have read a lot of weird stuff online and scared myself to pieces and convinced myself subs won't work for me anymore. Last night I just read all sorts of posts of difficult sub inductions, but I didn't read about al the people that had an easy time, and maybe they aren't posting anyways because they don't need help.
i did go to a detox center a couple weeks ago, I waited 18-20 hours since last use and took 2mg, one hour later 2mg and started dry heaving into the pillow and panicked and checked out and went home and shot up and passed out. It was very disheartening because I watched all the other people at the detox go from somewhat sick to taking suboxone and be walking around smiling and talking. I didn't feel any good benefits, but I also don't think it was precipitated withdrawal because I didn't have the worst feeling ever, I just felt like I went from 18-20 hours after last use to maybe 24-30 hours, like I felt really bad, but not withdrawal times ten like I read about. I tried talking to the night nurse because I had to wait until 10:30 to take it and she didn't have the authority to give me more suboxone before eight hours and also once I was on subs couldn't give me clonidine or anything else. The night nurse isn't as powerful as the day nurses I guess.
so here I am and I have read about another member on here that tried a method where you induce little bits of suboxone and use tiny amounts of H in the afternoon and evening for the first few days, to help you stabilize and get your tolerance down. I guess the thinking is that the reason suboxone may become harder to work on some people is they have a high tolerance. So this method builds the subs in your system while getting your tolerance down. From everybody that tried it they reported success, if they could have the willpower to stop taking the H.
i think I would like to try this, but then again I have OCD and am desperate. I am shooting for Monday to try to get clean, with whatever method works. What do you guys think? I know I am overthinking this, have you heard or experienced suboxone stopping working? What should I do to get it to work? People tell me I'm crazy and of course it works, why would it stop working! I've just found a couple of random examples on the Internet and should just shut up and take suboxone. Is that right?
i promise, if you help me get stable on suboxone and only suboxone, I will never use any other opiates ever again. Not even once. I am not even just saying that.
