hydrocodone habit; getting off help ?

[WriterDirector58]

I am a 58 year old man widower in phenomenal health in nyc; very high pressured career; media ceo writer director producer; also masters degree level forensic psychologist; cash poor widower; two adult kids with challenges; one autistic one battling auto immune kidney disease ( successfully ); my work the adaptation of classic literature into modern commercial media is fascinating but extremely high pressured; i have been doing this non stop for 40 years; 35 years at a world level; i started very very young; i have to submit several complicated genius level ( no shit ) works to major studios backers and packaging agencies; this is very do or die for me; as we all age; we experience some diminishment in my case; slight in faculties; i am better than i have ever been at my job but require naps; worried about permanent lessening of stamina energy concurrent with age; at 58; i am new at being old; and am somewhat dorian gray like; looked 40 at 22 which is how i was able to work as a professional director at a national level starting at 19; still look the same now; so i have dorian gray like illusion that i havent aged except for tiredness ( of course this could be my pain killers lol and not lol ) am off all drugs except hydrocodone which i am prescribed for legit pain problem colorectal spasms from ibs; and following minor but painful colorectal surgery; have moderate hydrocodone regime; am taking 25 - 40 mg a day; want to stop; think i am having moments when i am " dopesick " when i dont take pills but this could be in mind; i am very psychosomatic; want to taper get off substitute medical cannibas oil for opiates; want to know what to do; i am a mental health professional; getting scared about the future; my situation seems modest comparatively but dont want it to get worse; and i am sleeping too much and my sleep cycle is f_____ up; been on the hyrdocodone and or tylenol with codeine; mine is now with ibuprofen 2 years steady; at this level 16 - 18 months or so; 20 mg a day or more; what do i do? am caring for family; cant do inpatient detox? advice? taper? i dont think where im at is too severe; but really dont know what to expect? for example now thought i was getting dopesick; cold hot flashes but it passes; advice ; what to do? how to do this least stressfully; what to expect? dont know; dumb me addictive personality getting on opiates; i am legit prescribed and have not in any way broken the law etc; help lol? caring for family 88 year old mom; widower for 7 years; used to be immensely popular and social; have become reclustic since my wife died which is easy possible now with everything being on the internet; help feeling isolated scared; dont know what to do? advice on taper stopping; pharmacological and herbal supports ( i suspect calm support is a campaign to make the maker of calm support money who has much less training than i do and i wouldnt go formulating drugs for people; the ease with which this guy with no science or social science training appoints himself a substance abuse counselor and psychopharmacologist really makes me pause; not cool if one thinks about it seriously at all ) please help advice ? etc? need to make touch with other individuals in similar positions; need support and feedback; thank god am happy by nature; not congenitally depressed but with life circumstance being very intense and the drugs having a depressive edge; having moments with depressive characteristics etc? help please have moments of feeling alone desperate want to get off this shit etc? how bad is withdrawal with my level of use? please advise; help reach out? thank you; in patient detox etc not even vaguely possible ( although i dont think my usage is heavy ? )

 

[simco]

Welcome to BL, and congrats on wanting to clean up! My situation is roughly comparable to yours. I'm in my mid-40's. My work is very straight, and very stressful. Constant pressure, constant stress. Like you, I have a lot of education in my background. I also care for an ill family member. My trouble with opiates sounds a bit more "full blown" than what you describe, but otherwise comparable...four-year heroin habit.

You're right that getting clean now will save you a world of trouble down the line. IMO, the acute withdrawals from the habit you've described won't be atrocious. A taper could ease the process, but it will also draw out the duration of any discomfort. Again, this is impossible to call in general terms, but I don't think quitting cold turkey is going to hit you too hard. It sounds like you haven't gone through detox a bunch of times (opiate WDs tend to get more awful with repetition). And if you're only experiencing mild dopesickness, my advice would be to try riding it out. The one good thing about opioid WDs is that they're over quickly (a matter of days).

BUT, I strongly encourage you to make concrete plans for how you'll guard your recovery AFTER the acute symptoms are gone. The psychological mindfuck of staying off opioids is intense, and it's intensity doesn't necessarily correlate with the severity of your habit (though it might to some extent). In other words, just because you have a light habit, don't expect that staying off the hydros will be a small undertaking.

I don't have a ton of time clean (exactly seven weeks today), but I think many folks here who have abstained for long periods will agree that beating opioid addiction requires a profound realignment of our personalities and psychological habits. It doesn't come easily, and it's especially hard to do alone. Do you have anyone who could help support you in this? If not, some people find fellowships such as NA helpful, while others find them decidedly unhelpful. But they will keep you from being alone in this.

I'm not trying to spook you. The good news is that I don't think the physical aspect of quitting is going to be too tough in your case. Just giving you a heads up on not underestimating the challenge that waits on the other side of detoxing.

Keep us posted, and good luck!

 

[WriterDirector58]

thank you so much; I dont feel a craving for opiates even in mild dope sickness; i am generally speaking an addictive personality; i feel the urge to get high; opiates wasn't my thing; marijuana was this is a substitute; my lungs started hurting and stopped marijuana three years ago which is very habit forming but no addiction; but after 35 years of being a pot smoking machine i dodged bullet; lungs are clear no copd; a little mild asthma returned and had legit pain problem with ibs rectal spasms etc; dumb me addictive personality taking the opiate prescription; my historic thing isnt opiates its pot; im a pothead who cant smoke anymore lol

 

[WriterDirector58]

thank you so much; I dont feel a craving for opiates even in mild dope sickness; i am generally speaking an addictive personality; i feel the urge to get high