So I have HPPD. All it took was a few shrooms experiences. It fucking sucks and I've had it for 18 months, it has only gotten worse since. I can't drink alcohol, smoke weed or even take benzos. Every single fucking drug affects me. I've been sober for months. I can't stay up past 4 AM or my symptoms get permanently worse. If I drink more than a sip of beer, my symptoms get permanently worse. I quit smoking cigs because even that made it worse.
I have tried dozens of drugs including benzos L-tryptophan and 5-HTP, and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM made my symptoms worse. When I take just one wrong step, such as partying 'till 6 in the morning, it takes about a month for the visual and mental 'damage' to go get better.
Recently I've developed derealisation, the worst possible HPPD symptom which I hoped I'd never get. It has gotten pretty bad. I assume the 5-HTP is what caused it. It heals VERY slowly. I estimate it'd take about 6 months to go away completely, at this rate. That's assuming I never lose any sleep, stay sober, and don't get stressed out (which is a real hard fucking task considering my condition).
I have had raging tinnitus (ringing ears) for 2 years due to exposure to loud music. There hasn't been a party or concert where I didn't wear earplugs since first onset. I occasionally get ridiculed by random people for wearing them. For a while I was okay with my condition but recently it has spun out of control, I absolutely cannot go to parties anymore EVEN with the strongest earplugs money can buy without increasing the ringing in my ears for more than a week afterward. Music is my life. I used to listen to music 8 hours a day. Right now, I can't even watch TV without the volume turned way down, in order not to worsen the ringing. I've been a bunch of ear doctors and there's nothing else they can do, they're puzzled. I have to give up going to parties and pubs, they say, because that's the only thing left to do.
I feel like I have reached my personal limit. I am a very strong person, I've done every possible FUCKING thing in my power to get back to normal, I've had to endure 2 FUCKING YEARS of having 2 physical/mental conditions with high suicide rates at the same fucking time. I didn't fucking sign up for this when I went to that first party or smoked that first joint. Right now I can't even listen to music played at normal levels in my own home, and I can't even drink 2 beers without being permanently punished for it a couple of days later.
What the fuck am I gonna do.
If I could magically cure even one of my 2 conditions by killing 5 people, hell, I fucking would.
written 30 mins later :
I always get like this when I can't take it anymore. Sometimes I just let it get to me. I'm gonna post this anyway to show you guys what I'm going through. Know that compared to some people, your problems sometimes don't really seem that bad.
I wish someone could tell me what I have to do.
I have tried dozens of drugs including benzos L-tryptophan and 5-HTP, and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM made my symptoms worse. When I take just one wrong step, such as partying 'till 6 in the morning, it takes about a month for the visual and mental 'damage' to go get better.
Recently I've developed derealisation, the worst possible HPPD symptom which I hoped I'd never get. It has gotten pretty bad. I assume the 5-HTP is what caused it. It heals VERY slowly. I estimate it'd take about 6 months to go away completely, at this rate. That's assuming I never lose any sleep, stay sober, and don't get stressed out (which is a real hard fucking task considering my condition).
I have had raging tinnitus (ringing ears) for 2 years due to exposure to loud music. There hasn't been a party or concert where I didn't wear earplugs since first onset. I occasionally get ridiculed by random people for wearing them. For a while I was okay with my condition but recently it has spun out of control, I absolutely cannot go to parties anymore EVEN with the strongest earplugs money can buy without increasing the ringing in my ears for more than a week afterward. Music is my life. I used to listen to music 8 hours a day. Right now, I can't even watch TV without the volume turned way down, in order not to worsen the ringing. I've been a bunch of ear doctors and there's nothing else they can do, they're puzzled. I have to give up going to parties and pubs, they say, because that's the only thing left to do.
I feel like I have reached my personal limit. I am a very strong person, I've done every possible FUCKING thing in my power to get back to normal, I've had to endure 2 FUCKING YEARS of having 2 physical/mental conditions with high suicide rates at the same fucking time. I didn't fucking sign up for this when I went to that first party or smoked that first joint. Right now I can't even listen to music played at normal levels in my own home, and I can't even drink 2 beers without being permanently punished for it a couple of days later.
What the fuck am I gonna do.
If I could magically cure even one of my 2 conditions by killing 5 people, hell, I fucking would.
written 30 mins later :
I always get like this when I can't take it anymore. Sometimes I just let it get to me. I'm gonna post this anyway to show you guys what I'm going through. Know that compared to some people, your problems sometimes don't really seem that bad.
I wish someone could tell me what I have to do.
If the Doctor's aren't figuring out an approach to the tinnitus I'm kind of doubting we'll have much more to offer. Is there a database of treatment studies going on in Belgium? If there is, you might investigate if there are any studies you'd be eligible to participate in.
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