Sobriety changes everything about how dating, sex, and relationships are navigated. Rules and specific timelines may or may not apply but I am interested in how others approached sex, dating, and relationships after becoming sober. I'm sober two years and I am not the same person as I was before or while using.
i was sober 10 years at one point. didn't change a thing in my wife and my relationship except she would tell me i was being a dick and i should go get a bottle. only thing sobriety changed was i wasn't drinking or doing drugs.
How do you manage someone suggesting you drink knowing you are sober. That would be a turn off for me. Sobriety has changed so much for me. I was in a 20 year opiate haze. I am two plus years sober and it has effected how a view and approach relationships, sex, and dating. Like I'm standing still but wanting to move as well.
was married 27yrs, 10 of which i was completely sober from liquor and heroin. went to church on Sunday, the whole 9 yards. sobriety by itself isn't gonna change anything. you've got to make the changes when you are sober imo.
Ahhh, I see. I think I have a complete fear of it all. The desire but feeling stuck in place when it comes to sex, dating, or relationships. I thought after some time sober I would jump back in. You're right sobriety is difficult to navigate.
it'll happen when the time is right but remember that you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy
I'm actually starting to feel joy again, optimistic, and laugh from my gut. Even empathy was effected by my use and that has changed for the better. You are right, my happiness can not be defined by a relationship. I guess I just miss sex, intimacy, and that connect.
joy, optimism and laugh from the gut are better than sex, intimacy and that connect because you don't have to depend on anyone for the first three. hang in there.
I felt this in my soul and I appreciate your words. Thank you.
This! Sex, dating, and relationships for me were always while using. I feel so different now, almost afraid. I can say my confidence is coming back slowly. I will hang in there and continue the many things I work on to build my confidence back. I think I expect some time limit to it and that's my addict brain I believe. It's most important I stay on this positive path. I very much appreciate you for be able to see that I want to approach these areas in my life like a responsible adult. I was not that person before. It feels very different now, in a good way, but learning to trust myself and have confidence in my choices is one of the hardest things I deal with even when I'm making really healthy choices now. In time.....thank you for your words.
I appreciate your honesty. I am not sure if you have anxiety but I definitely used opiates to cope with high anxiety. I was always using and also used alcohol at times to cope in these areas before I found opiates. I chose crappy partners, didn't treat them well, engaged in risky one night stands, and navigated long term relationships while always high as F! Being completely sober I definitely feel "naked" and not completely in a good way. The mental part of sobriety is challenging but also I'm realizing my anxiety makes me over think in these areas, not cautious but afraid. I don't have a copious amounts of opiates or alcohol to hide behind anymore. I guess the emotional rawness just surprises me and has caught me off guard.
Dang G, I thought u were younger. Share some of that adrenochrome/elixir or life/philosophers stone u possess.
That's very true. I don't think people choose to go that length. It's kind of like walking a tightrope in your mind. You start off great (sobriety), you get to the midway point (anxiety sets in) but know you have to reach the other side where your confidence lies. To get there you must walk the tightrope or turn back towards using and misery. It can feel like a punishment but it is actually seeking freedom. I also believe in love. My last relationship was 8 years but love while using never felt like I was totally present. Sex for me has to be attached to love. My sobriety doesn't have room for anything else. I absolutely agree that being alone with my thoughts to much contributes to my anxiety. I have family, therapy, and friends but one thing I have found and accepted is that the confidence I build has to come from within. I don't want to transfer my anxiety on to others. I've lost relationships by doing that. The overthinking can feel like I am punishing myself. Maybe that is attached to shame I carry for using for years and all that comes with that. I guess I will need more time to build the amount off confidence so I can trust myself.
