How was i even this insane

[paranoid android]

How the fuck did i even think i was dead/ This shit makes no sense. i mean if your conscious you exist right/ Noone else besides me and my good friend in Australia has this disorder. i have had schizophrenic people say i was nuts for thinking i was dead ffs. But this kinda fucks with my head as wtf happens if this comes back/ Being dead fucking sucks you don't even really wanna get high. It's just fucked

 

[Kaleida]

I thought my conception of alive and dead was wrong, that makes it easier to accept. I thought I figured out the secrets of how consciousness works and had gone into the afterlife on purpose by overdosing on a psychedelic to go back in time and save a friend of mine from dying in a car crash and had to follow the prophecies from the infinitely branching futures to figure out how to stop the event right before it was going to happen and that everyone around me was either dead and trying to tell me about how the life I thought I was living had been over for a long time or was a demon that was trying to make my plan to save my friend fail.

The human brain can do a lot of quirky things that make you believe things you didn’t used to think you’d believe under any circumstances. After multiple bouts I tend to start to understand and adjust to some stuff better than I did the first time around.

 

[paranoid android]

Do you remember much about when you thought you where dead? I thought i was dead for about 3 or 4 months and i cant remember fuck all about it. The whole thing was like a dramamine trip kinda. I kept wondering why noone came to my funeral and everything it sucked. I thought people around me where dead to it was absolutely fucked. This is where i think the psych ward made me much worse as you get treated like shit in there and i kept thinking i must be dead if im being treated this way.

 

[Kaleida]

I remember it vividly but I was very manic at the time and thought a lot of crazy things in a short span of time, it's hard to forget. I've also had multiple episodes with more content like that since then to help me piece it all together. The first one lasted about a month but this has been going on for a couple years now on and off. I haven't been to the psych ward and am glad I haven't, I don't think they would have helped me much. Honestly it sounds miserable being there for that state, I'd definitely go much crazier than I already was before. I'm sorry you went through that and hope you're getting better now.

Dramamine is a decent comparison. It's like that for me minus the body feeling and tons of anxious energy rather than tired. It's way more complicated than a Dramamine trip though the way it gets weaved into your life. I've got lots of thoughts about it but it'd take way too long to share all my experiences here. But for what it's worth it has gotten better for me over time, dealing with it more so than experiencing it. It comes on again and it's just like "This again." But it correlates with my mania so I still go a little crazy too. But there's only so much to it, over time it became familiar to me.

 

[Jabberwocky]

For a while ago, i thought i was dead too! And it was 3-4 months and now i don't think so! Wtf??

 

[paranoid android]

I remember it vividly but I was very manic at the time and thought a lot of crazy things in a short span of time, it's hard to forget. I've also had multiple episodes with more content like that since then to help me piece it all together. The first one lasted about a month but this has been going on for a couple years now on and off. I haven't been to the psych ward and am glad I haven't, I don't think they would have helped me much. Honestly it sounds miserable being there for that state, I'd definitely go much crazier than I already was before. I'm sorry you went through that and hope you're getting better now.

Dramamine is a decent comparison. It's like that for me minus the body feeling and tons of anxious energy rather than tired. It's way more complicated than a Dramamine trip though the way it gets weaved into your life. I've got lots of thoughts about it but it'd take way too long to share all my experiences here. But for what it's worth it has gotten better for me over time, dealing with it more so than experiencing it. It comes on again and it's just like "This again." But it correlates with my mania so I still go a little crazy too. But there's only so much to it, over time it became familiar to me.

Ya my memory of it is all fucked. i dunno if thats a good thing or a bad thing. And ya fuck psych wards i am still getting over being in that shjthole. Why do they treat the mentally ill like criminals/ it was like jail except we had takeout, the internet and also weed and cigs despite not being allowed to have them but fuck rules. Im still having flashbacks to getting thrown in solitary and seing other people screaming and being dragged off. It was fucked.

For a while ago, i thought i was dead too! And it was 3-4 months and now i don't think so! Wtf??

Ya for me it was 3 or 4 months then i snapped out of it after getting a invega shot. I was like ok im not dead anymore lol

 

[Jerry Atrick]

How the fuck did i even think i was dead/ This shit makes no sense. i mean if your conscious you exist right/ Noone else besides me and my good friend in Australia has this disorder. i have had schizophrenic people say i was nuts for thinking i was dead ffs. But this kinda fucks with my head as wtf happens if this comes back/ Being dead fucking sucks you don't even really wanna get high. It's just fucked

Hey man, I've seen you post about this before and I never brought up my own experiences but I have you to thank for giving this phenomenon a name for me (Cotard's Delusion). I have schizo-affective disorder (schizophrenia + bipolar) and I absolutely experienced this 17 years ago when I went to the state hospital for like 3 months.

Immediately before that, I was catatonic in my parents' house where I was aware of what was going on around me but couldn't react, speak, eat, move, or do anything really but lay there in bed. Like I said, I was aware but couldn't do anything about it, like being trapped in a glass box. Anyways, my parents finally got sick of it and drove me to the ER. I guess they put me on an IV and knocked me out because my memory was wiped until I woke up on a gurney with my legs and arms strapped down being driven to the state hospital. When I was there I didn't talk to anyone for like a week, even when other patients approached me and tried to start conversations. I thought to myself, "So am I dead and in Heaven or am I a patient here?" Keep in mind I was off all meds and they wouldn't give me anti-psychotics for like a month until they put me on Risperidone injections.

So yeah, I thought I was dead for at least a month back 15 years ago. I never told anyone or even knew there was a name for it until you posted about it a couple months ago. Since then I did tell my psychiatrist about it but he said it was all in the past and nothing to worry about anymore. He's right but at the time I was scared as shit I would never see my friends or family ever again. That I would be trapped in the hospital forever and that place was more like Hell than Heaven.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I don't use any medication. The state of mind subsided on Its own, Actually only 3weeks ago. Now i think it would be so cool if i was dead, but i'm not dead in my reality and this is so awesome!

 

[paranoid android]

Hey man, I've seen you post about this before and I never brought up my own experiences but I have you to thank for giving this phenomenon a name for me (Cotard's Delusion). I have schizo-affective disorder (schizophrenia + bipolar) and I absolutely experienced this 17 years ago when I went to the state hospital for like 3 months.

Immediately before that, I was catatonic in my parents' house where I was aware of what was going on around me but couldn't react, speak, eat, move, or do anything really but lay there in bed. Like I said, I was aware but couldn't do anything about it, like being trapped in a glass box. Anyways, my parents finally got sick of it and drove me to the ER. I guess they put me on an IV and knocked me out because my memory was wiped until I woke up on a gurney with my legs and arms strapped down being driven to the state hospital. When I was there I didn't talk to anyone for like a week, even when other patients approached me and tried to start conversations. I thought to myself, "So am I dead and in Heaven or am I a patient here?" Keep in mind I was off all meds and they wouldn't give me anti-psychotics for like a month until they put me on Risperidone injections.

So yeah, I thought I was dead for at least a month back 15 years ago. I never told anyone or even knew there was a name for it until you posted about it a couple months ago. Since then I did tell my psychiatrist about it but he said it was all in the past and nothing to worry about anymore. He's right but at the time I was scared as shit I would never see my friends or family ever again. That I would be trapped in the hospital forever and that place was more like Hell than Heaven.

Omfg dude it's exactly like being trapped in a glass box! You can't really dvoanything about it but just watch this horrible shit unfold. It's like a really fucked up horror movie. My friend had cotards synodrme triggered by her stay in the psych ward as she thought she was dead to be treated as bad as she was being treated. my cotards pre dates the psych ward and like you i was also catatonic for awile on and off. my brother said i fucking started reminded him of the way Syd Barrett from pink Floyd got when he lost it so thats not good lol. I just sat in the chair not eating drinking smoking weed or even taking morphine. What did i even need drugs for as i was dead. My brother and my dad both got very fucking worried when i stopped drinking beer, smoking weed or even taking my pills and eating. Like some family would get worried when there family member started drinking or popping pills but mine got worried when i stopped doing this as they knew something was seriously wrong with me.

i don't really have any memory of when i was taken to the psych ward first for the second time as i was unmedicated totally for 3 months at that point. i barely remember fighting another patient and about 6 fucking security guards and then my brother flipping out threatening a lawsduit as hes a lawyer and finally getting me a new shrink. i was then given a injection of invega which snapped me out of it in about 72 hours. So atleast i responded to the meds. one of my first memories i actually have was my friend in there who qwas from Rwanda asked me if i wanted to roll a joint for him and smoke it with him as he couldnt roll. Well shit he didnt have to ask me twice. it was then i knew that i was getting back to reality as i once again craved normal human things like weed. The way some goody 2 shoes in the psych war where behaving such as not smoking cigs or weed as to not piss off the nurses cause god forbid was also not helping. That's not normal human behavior imo. Normal humans smoke weed and cigs and drink Some of them reminded me of the way rats behave in prison which was not comforting.

i had no idea this disorder existed either until i googled my symptoms and it came right up. i then talked to my aussie friend about it and she responded that not only did she know what cotards syndrome was but she also had it. That was a million to 1 shot right there. So your like the second person that i know that has it. The shit is pretty rare. i had a psychotic episode and thats what triggered my cotards syndrome. The psych ward was indeed a refuge for some and a hell for me. For some people in there especially homeless people it was better then what they had on the street. For me however it was a fucking nightmare. I am used to getting up in the middle of the night and having a smoke and maybe cracking open a beer. Can't exactly do that in the psych ward. Well not without being told off anyway. I refused to be criminalized and treated like a second class citizen however so i eventually learned to ignore the nurses. Me and this guy from Rwanda and this other big guy who wore a dress would kind of go into our own corner and smoke weed and cigs and ignore the shit that's around us. The nurses really did not like us lol

 

[paranoid android]

I don't use any medication. The state of mind subsided on Its own, Actually only 3weeks ago. Now i think it would be so cool if i was dead, but i'm not dead in my reality and this is so awesome!

lol it kind of reminds me of that song back from the dead by the libertines. I know i wasent actually dead but i felt as if i was. This is weird because its kind of like i died, went to purgatory but survived and came back. the psych ward was fucking purgotory

 

[Jabberwocky]

lol it kind of reminds me of that song back from the dead by the libertines. I know i wasent actually dead but i felt as if i was. This is weird because its kind of like i died, went to purgatory but survived and came back. the psych ward was fucking purgotory

I should listen that Song I did not believe i was alive, but i did not believe i was dead either. I felt more dead than alive, i was like on trance and catatonic/manic most of the time. I was laying in bed all day doing nothing, no phone, no books, nothing. Just staring at roof and laying still. Just breathing and being silent for hours and hours. Many weeks. When someone talked to me or asked me something i only replied saying yes or no or nothing. Sometimes i got manic and started to clean The House and green garden like crazy. That period lasted 3-4months and ended about two months ago. Horrible Times!