How to stay positive?

[Eggyolk]

Hi
I'd like to know if you guys have any tips on maintaining a peaceful, positive outlook on life.
I'm hella bad at being optimistic… small stuff gets me down.
For example: An hour ago I made myself a very tasty little meal of peas and eggs seasoned with garlic, with a big cup of my favorite green tea to go with it. I'd been feeling kinda shitty all day before that, but I was starting to feel pretty content while I ate, appreciating the good food in front of me. Happy happy happy. I had finished about a third of my meal… and then somehow spilled the rest of it. Peas everywhere. Egg yolk soaking into the carpet.

The incident was so small! Yet it flooded my brain with thoughts of "go jump off a cliff, klutz. Fuckface. You're disgusting. This is why no one wants to be your friend." I felt like crying; I wanted to destroy myself. But at the same time, I realized that it makes no sense to feel soooo bad because of something so trivial.

And this happens very frequently: when friends make jokes about me. When I drop my pencil. When I think about my weight. When I lose a contest. When I can't solve a math problem. When I spell something wrong. Not all the time, sometimes I can shrug it off, but it's definitely enough to bother me. Sometimes I get completely floored by these kinds of bad thoughts, so I curl up alone somewhere and cry.

I can tell myself that these things don't matter, that no one's paying attention to my mistakes, that everyone goes through this kind of stuff… but it doesn't help.

Could anyone spare some advice?

 

[Rogue Robot]

Anonymous -> TDS

 

[deadhead507461]

Have you ever heard of the 3 C's??

Commitment
Make a positive commitment to yourself, to learning, work, family, friends, nature, and other worthwhile causes. Praise yourself and others. Dream of success. Be enthusiastic.

Control
Keep your mind focused on important things. Set goals and priorities for what you think and do. Visualize to practice your actions. Develop a strategy for dealing with problems. Learn to relax. Enjoy successes. Be honest with yourself.

Challenge
Be courageous. Change and improve each day. Do your best and don't look back. See learning and change as opportunities. Try new things. Consider several options. Meet new people. Ask lots of questions. Keep track of your mental and physical health. Be optimistic.

 

[CbRoXiDe]

I'm pretty much the same, but instead of solving the problem properly I just made myself not care saying I was acting over the top and stupid for letting these little things make me feel in such a way(not saying you're these just so you know). But it worked a little bit too well, and now i've gone from that to not caring about anything at all .

 

[ben2990]

oh tell me about it brother, i flip over the smallest things and sometimes end up hurting myself or others. for example sometimes if my close friends dont answer some of my calls i just immediatly assume they are ignoring me and dont wanna hangout. i could honestly go on forever because the list truely does go on forever. this thread helped me a bit, thanks, i try to practice some of those things listed by deadhead already, i will try the rest, i honestly believ i will not followthrough completely unless i have some medical help as a pick me up.

 

[ocean]

good post deadhead-

OP-I understand where you are coming from.
I occasionally fall back , beating myself up over silly things.
I once had major anger issues.
And I am talking raging, MAJOR anger issues.....in fact I was just talking to someone about this-
For me, recognizing that anger (and beating yourself up or belittling yourself) is a secondary emotion helped a lot.
There is a strength to being aware of the truth behind the outward show (or the mental beat down) . You might be embarrassed, hurt, afraid etc., those are the real emotions, but they can sometimes be easier to deal with through anger or aggression of some kind because it makes you feel less vulnerable.
BUT being vulnerable and truly looking at what the root of the problem is will help you to overcome the negativity in the long run.
Holding on to negative thoughts and actions are going to do nothing but hurt you-
I remember when I asked myself- 'How is the rage benefiting me?' I found that it did the opposite.
It made me bitter and depressed and I only continued to bury the real problems.
I would suggest you take a look at what you feel the REAL reason for your negative outlook is and work to change it.
If it is something beyond your control, you have no choice but to accept it and move forward.
Another thing is, happiness takes work. It isn't something that is always easy (though sometimes it is).
You have to learn what is worth your being upset over and let go of the things that are not worth it......
I hope things work out for you!

 

[Deluded]

ben, a very good book for you would be >the feeling good handbook< by david burns. its cognitive therapy based and was a godsend for myself. it is available worldwide and even if your local bookstore doesnt carry it, buy it online. culdnt ask for better advice then this book gives for 20bucks USD.

i felt the same way as both of you and trust me, this is the perfect book for you to read. it is a workbook and has exercises that will help you like it did me.

 

[barnstable84]

I usually assume that someone doesn't like me straight off the bat, but i'm trying to change my thinking to not just assume the worst.

I think focusing on the positives is a good place to start.. Instead of looking at the stuff you don't have, look at what you DO have. Look at the great stuff you do, not what you can't do, etc.

Another thing is to surround yourself with positive affirmations for when you do feel down about yourself. Post Its with reminders of your positives does sound cheesy, but sometimes its what it takes for some people to get out of the negative headspace.

Also, try and do something small every day purely for your own enjoyment or happiness. This could mean just making sure you have a laugh every day over something, or pampering yourself, getting a haircut or color or a new style and also excercising helps increase the good chemicals in your brain and can make you happier. I can't say because I don't know, but if you feel bad about your weight, then the positives of this are twofold.

Do you have pets, or are you able to have pets where you live? Having an animal that is your own that you look after can be incredibly rewarding. They show unconditional love to their owner (unless you got a scorpion, like a friend of mine) and it's a proven fact that owning an animal can make you happier.

I hope these suggestions help, feel free to PM me if you need anyone to talk to or would just like to vent and get some of your feelings out, ok?

 

[edgewise1]

Barnstable84, this is the 4th post of yours that I have read in the last 20 minutes. To say that you are FULL OF IT would definately be an understatement. With the FULL OF IT being great advice!!! You have hit some nails square on their heads. Great job, and keep up the great advice. Oh yeah, you seem to be very sincere about your willingness to help by offering everyone the choice of PM'ing you. And no, I'm not trying to blow smoke up your ass, just felt I should let you know what I thought.

OP, you have gotten some great advice from several people. Now it's your turn to put some of it into practice and see your life become better for it

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[barnstable84]

Barnstable84, this is the 4th post of yours that I have read in the last 20 minutes. To say that you are FULL OF IT would definately be an understatement. With the FULL OF IT being great advice!!! =

hahahaha you had me shitting myself scared then, thinking i've already fucking worn out my welcome!!

Thanks so much! I just want to be able to help and use my own bad experiences to help others!

 

[The_Underdog]

staying positive can B hard at the best of time never mind when U R taking all kinds of benzo's & other cocktails of drugs 2 go with it, I am not saying it is going to B easy but nothing worthwhile ever is, it will take hard work & allot of positive thinking and pulling to bits other peoples thoughts on a forum is already a negative start which is why U will never see me name an individuals post as it brings bad vibes and that is no way to go about feeling golden.

 

[F1n1shed]

staying positive can B hard at the best of time never mind when U R taking all kinds of benzo's & other cocktails of drugs 2 go with it, I am not saying it is going to B easy but nothing worthwhile ever is, it will take hard work & allot of positive thinking and pulling to bits other peoples thoughts on a forum is already a negative start which is why U will never see me name an individuals post as it brings bad vibes and that is no way to go about feeling golden.

shut up... straight up.