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How to heal my relationship with my little brother. Dealing with emotional abuse

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flyCrow

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 8, 2013
Messages
76
Location
Australia
He's only 8 and I am 19. Throughout my teenage years I was emotionally numb and probably hurtful and oblivious to it. We are both the victims of an abusive mother whom he still lives with. He seems really switched off and doesn't even laugh anymore. The personality that he puts forward is a false one. He's very insecure but won't show it. The past year or so since I've had some revelations I've really wanted to reach him. It's like he's not even there. How do I reach my brother and pull his true self out? I don't know what to do. Any suggestions. If I can help him in any way I will
 
You could just apologize how you've treated him in the past and let him know that you're there for him now. Try to do some fun activities with him and hopefully he'll come out of his shell a bit.
 
spork said:
You could just apologize how you've treated him in the past and let him know that you're there for him now. Try to do some fun activities with him and hopefully he'll come out of his shell a bit.
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I agree with spork. Apologies and actions to back up the apologies can go a long way. If my brother apologies for the way he treated me when we were younger, I'd be so happy/touched.
 
Try to spend time with him. You can try to do stuff that you both like, or you could do stuff that he likes. Play videogames, play football, go to see a match or watch a movie. Anything that makes you spend time together. Since you have a very weak bond, you need to work on that. You have to make memories. You can go to a movie, or for a burger. You could invite him to where you live to eat, if that is a possibility.
 
Be the Man in this young boy's life and show him the right way to live.

Then he will always remember you as his older brother who stood up for him no matter what, even in the darkest times.
 
In that she is neglectful. Rejects you and shames you. Can be aggressive at times. Vindictive and cruel. Takes her own insecurities out on her children. Lives for gratification her children may aswell be barbie dolls to her
 
Yes, I am the parent of a child around that age, and I totally agree. Spend time with him. Show him that you care and are someone he can trust. Don't spend too much time trying to impart your newly found wisdom on him, he is too young, just being a stable and steady good influence in his life will do him far better. Ask him about his day, encourage him to talk about things that bother him, just show an interest in him and I think you will find that he will, over time, begin to open up to you more.
 
I hope her level of neglect isn't so bad he's in harm's way. If it is, he has to be removed from that situation first and foremost.

As far as your brother goes, don't make him feel like he has to act a certain way. Like others have already said, just spend time with him. My little brother comes in my room and makes fun of whatever I'm watching on tv lol. Just be with him, don't put any pressure on him, and he'll see you won't judge him.
 
although I am close to both my little sisters now, I honestly didn't treat my oldest little sister 100 percent perfectly when we were youngins, I think it had to do with us being so close in the age category

and well, I've never really outright apologized to her, just have treated her very well and with tons of respect ever since we became adults

you can tell that she gets so happy when I call her "sweetie" or give her big hugs :) it warms my heart to see her heart warmed up so, because we are just so very different in all walks of life. but now we are pretty close. so you don't necessarily need to apologize, hell, the sibling dynamic is such a fucked up one anyways. just be there for him :)
 
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