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How to find much wanted love when you know your time is limited

painenduser

painenduser

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 13, 2011
Messages
404
Location
NJ
Well I never thought I'd see myself posting in a forum like this nor did I ever thing I would ask anyone especially people I don't know about this kind of thing, but here goes...

I have always been a giving person, and a loving person. I have fallen in love a couple time, I was even married once but 3 years later we realized that we were not as much in love as we were great friends so we got divorced. Now those of you that have either read my blog or seen some of my posts in BDD know that about 2.5 years ago I found out that my liver disease was terminal. I was devastating to learn at first I was in denial over it for the longest but as time went on and talks with doctors continued, the denial went away. As the denial went away I started having dream after dream of falling in love again, and every time I would wake up I would feel as though I just lost the love of my life. This has been going on now for over a year, and I keep asking myself, will I ever fall in love again? On top of that thought, I wonder how can someone fall in love with me knowing that I have terminal liver disease? First thing that pops in my head is only a woman who wants my money (of which I have none), or wants to collect my life insurance money (of which I don't have) would be interested in falling in love with someone like me. So my question is how can I over come this feeling of not thinking anyone would want to fall in love with someone who knows their time is limited? Do I just not tell them? Do I wait until we get started in a relationship before I tell her? Do I tell her up front? Now mind you at this point in my life I have no one in line, I haven't been able to get out to try and date and meet a nice lady, but if I did, or do, how does one handle a situation like this?

I would love to hear some ideas, thoughts, or any kind of advice... Oh and in case there are any lovely single ladies here, I fit the bill of tall, dark (well hair color) and quite handsome. My Facebook photo can prove that lol :) Thanks all, I look forward for some great advise.
 
I definitely can't relate to anything like that, but if it was me I'd lay it all out there and give online dating a shot. It gives you a chance to tell a huge audience about yourself and let the people that are ok with your situation to come to you. If there's one thing I've learned it's that no matter what kind of person you are or what you have going on in your life, there's a woman out there that will accept you.
 
You know I have often thought about that statement you made
GenericMind said:
If there's one thing I've learned it's that no matter what kind of person you are or what you have going on in your life, there's a woman out there that will accept you
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and I've have often wondered how true that really is. I mean I believe it has to be true, but there in lies problem number 2. I can't even figure out how to write a resume, how in the hell does one go about writing up something about yourself for a site, and really the biggest problem is they cost too damn much money. But you know I am kind of curious and would love to create a poll of some sort just to see how many woman would honestly say that they would take a chance a date someone in my position. Can polls be created in here? I would love to create a candid poll just to see. I would hope that people would be honest in a candid poll. Are we allow to create polls in here? or do you think it would be a waste of my time? I'm honestly curious as to the responses.
 
Online dating - why not give it a shot? You can get free memberships on some sites for like a month. And other sites (think: Plenty of Fish) are free. Try them out! What do you have to lose??
Oh, and the sites are often laid out where you just have to fill in information about yourself, you don't always have to write a whole description of yourself :p

I'm thinking ... would I date a guy if I knew he had a disease ... if I knew his time was limited. That's really tough.
I probably wouldn't tell someone on the first date. Wait til the second ... or third. Something like that.
 
There isn't anything to write up except what you best think encapsulates who you are and what you are looking for.

A professor from my past once told me that working on something creatively--in any free flowing form of self expression--is akin to turning a cold tap on to run warm and then hot.

The key is to just turn it on and then let it go.

Give it a go and see where your thoughts and feelings lead you. That--I think--will work at a level that a like-minded soul will understand and then be attracted to.

:)






...
 
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Oh! and don't be afraid of the edit. Just wait until you are through.

:D
 
My 764X10E46567 Zimbabwean dollars...

Love is about the jounrney, not the destitnation. To someone seeking love, and love in its true meaning (IMO) you have to offer him or her what anyone else does. I person to be with, to share life and happiness, to laugh with and all those other things we do with the people we love.

From my view, what do I have to offer to a woman? For all she'll know, the next knock at the door will be someone "Ma'am, we're sorry, but Rangrz accidently a MGM-140 ATACMS and was vaporized"

Love should not be about the risk that you might loose that love (because you will, be it hepatic disease, a giant missile or a stroke) but about having that love for the time you have to cherish and enjoy it. Think like that, think positive.
 
^This.
How does one attain this mindset?
By letting go of your deep-seeded fear, for starters. Other than that it's anybody's guess...The first step is the hardest part. Don't take too long being in denial of this truth though, or it might be all the time you got.
 
CoffeeDrinker said:
^This.
How does one attain this mindset?
By letting go of your deep-seeded fear, for starters. Other than that it's anybody's guess...The first step is the hardest part. Don't take too long being in denial of this truth though, or it might be all the time you got.
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So true.

I have been diagnosed with HIV for several years now, and initially I thought it was going to be a dealbreaker for a lot of people, but I have been pleasantly surprised to find that generally it isn't. If someone likes you, they like you for what you offer them now, not what you might be able to give them in ten years. Any one of us could get hit by a car tomorrow.

My advice would be to be open about your condition but don't assume that it is going to stop you from finding someone if that's what you want, because that insecurity will do more against you than any disease ever will.

To put a different perspective on it.....if you met someone whom you really honestly felt a great attraction for and wanted to be with, how would you feel if they told you that they were only gonna be around for another few years? Would it make a difference to the way you felt about them?
 
start by looking at dating sites that are fitting to your current lifestyle (eg. www.prescription4love.com) and see where that leads you.

thankfully the internet offers many gateways to people, regardless of lifestyle; in aid of finding their life partner/potential soulmate.

awareness is a simple google search away.

good luck OP.

...kytnism...:|

ps. and to answer your question re: discussing your condition, and how others will accept it? please read this, it may be helpful.
 
I'm gonna be honest...coming from a 28-year-old widow's perspective, I would not get involved with a man who was going to leave me (not of his own volition of course) and fall in love only to have to grieve again.

THAT SAID, I loved my husband and wouldn't trade my time with him for anything. I wouldn't have happily jumped in knowing he was going to die, but once I loved him even if I knew the end was coming I would have just treasured my time with him even more.

So this is a really interesting question, and I think it comes down to the woman herself, her life experience, her perspective, etc etc. I mean you can look at it like this also: Lots of people don't KNOW they're gonna die but they do, suddenly, violently...but they get to experience love plenty of times. So you know it's coming sooner rather than later. Don't let it stop you from looking for love or disqualify you.

So many different women out there...you could find someone you have a connection with...esp. like xenocat said the internet and it's aid in finding partners for all kinds of lifestyles.

I'm a little on the fence about telling her the first conversation. It is very overwhelming. Maybe you should wait to establish a connection? Jeez I don't know, that's tough b/c you know it's a huge issue and you want to get it out of the way w/o making it an immediate obstacle. I'd be interested to see other's opinions about whether you should disclose right away or not...
 
xenocat said:
ps. and to answer your question re: discussing your condition, and how others will accept it? please read this, it may be helpful.
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Well first I would like to say thank you for the replies, it's helping me to look a little differently and we will see what happens.

xenocat.

I especially would like to thank you for that link you posted for me. Very very helpful. The majority of the people said they definitely get involved with someone who is terminal, and only like 2 or 3 that said no they wouldn't. But what I found most interesting about that thread is the type of people that said no. For the most part they came across very bias, very insensitive, and very selfish. Their statements were as if a dying person has no right to find love and the dying person would be being fair to the non-terminal person see the quote taken from that.

what is someone terminally ill wanting with a romantic relationship ? Thats not fair to the non terminal person. I am healthy and when I was looking, was only interested in healthy people.
One time met a guy with super bad breath... dental issues I guess.... unresolved ones from neglect and he had to go. I have no use for someone terminally ill. To start a relationship with someone knowing your going to be sick and maybe dependent for care....
just ain't right.
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To me that was the most selfish and coldest thing anyone could have said. People like me who are terminally ill DO have the right to fall in love, and if the other person is willing then I don't see how it was being unfair to the other person.

That being said, it seems like I may have a bit of struggle because I partially agree that I would feel it was unfair to whom ever I got into a relationship, and thats part of the reason I put this post up. I'm now just fired up because of the way that one person posted their feelings about it, just very cold. But most of the posts there really opened my eyes and mind. Now I just have to work on my how, when, and where. And that seems to be the really hard part for me, however I will look at some of the sites some of you mentioned. Thank you very much guys!! Please feel free to keep posting as the more I can learn from you all, the better and easier I think it will become.
 
There's only way to find out if on-line dating could work for you is to try it. I hope you do find some kind of companionship before you leave this life
xxx
 
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