A couple days ago...I cried lol. I cried long and hard..started with this nagging empty restless feeling i get a lot...usualy just start chainsmoking or do some kinda drug or distract myself from it..but i decided to just to sit there with it for a minute..closed my eyes and just really felt it. Images images sounds everything flashed through my head and it knocked me on my ass...I cried for at least an hour hard...it felt like almost release..i ended up exhausted could barely get off the floor. the next day it happenned again...so i let it come again..didnt cry hard that time...just trembled...images and memories still...maybe a couple tears..still today i feel it...but its worse...I cant cry...but the pressure inside the emptyness is getting crazy not even drugs is killing it...I cant cry...I try just sitting with it....but i get so terrified...and so empty...so hopeless overwhelmed and old feeling....I almost get suicidal...I wont do that..I have tried before and realised many many reasons to stay till my time..but i dont know what to do...ive been for lack of better words "emotionally constipated" lol for a long time. I dont know how to find release...crying excersize sex...ect...all feels like a tease....it helps...then comes back with vengeance...I know theres not reallly an answer for this....I guess this is more of a vent post..just so alone scared and empty...i feel like im 100....with 200 years of suppresed feelings lol......feels too late....feels like..theres nothing left at all....missed allthe chances,,,something like that....sighhhhh sorryy....feeling desperate..
-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
Mental Health How to find emotional release for good
- Thread starter codienne
- Start date
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. 
Have you tried eating a good meal and getting some rest or exercise? Best of luck.
Have you tried eating a good meal and getting some rest or exercise? Best of luck.
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
One of the best ways to not get completely overwhelmed by strong feelings of sadness or anger or fear is to stay in the realm of feeling. Once you start attaching thoughts to those feelings (like 'I missed all my chances') is when you trip yourself up and get stuck. If like you say, you have bottled it all up for years, it makes sense that you are awash in the backlog. Do the things that help give you a respite (you mentioned crying, exercise, sex) but then take the time to really notice how you feel when there is some relief. Notice it and name it ("I feel really good right now"). We pay way more attention to the difficult feelings. It's like when you eat a delicious meal. You have a choice whether to eat slowly and savor every bite or to stuff it down unconsciously barely noticing each bite and already thinking about the next one.
As far as feeling sad about missed chances or anything in the past, it helps to know that the most important thing is learning and moving forward. No matter how old you are, life can still be what you make it. We live in a culture that teaches us that being young is everything--you are supposed to make this mad scramble to find a career, find true love, find your passion and be wildly happy all before the age of thirty. But we don't need to buy into that crap! My mom (Dr. Mom, Phd) didn't even go to college until she was 38, my friends Dad just fell head over heels in love at 79.
When you feel alone and empty it is good to reach out and express it like you did. It is also good to accept that the feeling of loneliness that is at the core of being human is a good thing, too. It is our reminder that all the trappings of this existence are temporary. There is a vastness outside of this lifetime of wants and needs, met or unmet. Though I have no idea what eternity means, I have a faith that this small slice of time is only a little flake of it. You can't stay in that awareness forever, but I do think that the deepest feelings of loneliness are actually little breakthroughs of consciousness. When I was young those existential times nearly killed me; now, I that I am statistically closer to death than birth, they don't scare me.
Why do you think the tears stopped? Do you think it is the old habits cropping up (bottling your feelings) or do you think it is simply because you cried so hard and you are at a place where you can let some of that sadness go? It sounds like you are in a very powerful transition in your life. ((((()))))
As far as feeling sad about missed chances or anything in the past, it helps to know that the most important thing is learning and moving forward. No matter how old you are, life can still be what you make it. We live in a culture that teaches us that being young is everything--you are supposed to make this mad scramble to find a career, find true love, find your passion and be wildly happy all before the age of thirty. But we don't need to buy into that crap! My mom (Dr. Mom, Phd) didn't even go to college until she was 38, my friends Dad just fell head over heels in love at 79.
When you feel alone and empty it is good to reach out and express it like you did. It is also good to accept that the feeling of loneliness that is at the core of being human is a good thing, too. It is our reminder that all the trappings of this existence are temporary. There is a vastness outside of this lifetime of wants and needs, met or unmet. Though I have no idea what eternity means, I have a faith that this small slice of time is only a little flake of it. You can't stay in that awareness forever, but I do think that the deepest feelings of loneliness are actually little breakthroughs of consciousness. When I was young those existential times nearly killed me; now, I that I am statistically closer to death than birth, they don't scare me.
Why do you think the tears stopped? Do you think it is the old habits cropping up (bottling your feelings) or do you think it is simply because you cried so hard and you are at a place where you can let some of that sadness go? It sounds like you are in a very powerful transition in your life. (((((
)))))
I understand what you mean about exercise and what not being a tease, I always sort of considered it a distraction rather than an actual release or experience that will lead you to a sort of "enlightenment" if you will. (Although you still should exercise and whatnot because it does actually help) What I always try to remember when I'm feeling the way you're describing is that (idk what your personal beliefs are but regardless everyone comes to this dilemma some point in their lives) nothing really matters to anything else, and there is no real proven meaning to anything, I know that's being existentialist but heres the thing, you've got to put your own meaning into it, and if something doesn't work out, well then hey, nothing matters to anything outside of yourself right? So basically everything good that happens is just finding your own meaning, and anything bad doesn't matter because nothing matters anyway. Im trying my best to describe this as simply as I can I know this probably sounds incredibly confusing but if you can grasp this idea it really does help release all those bad feelings simply by you just not regarding them with any substantial emotion.
mrflowers00
Ex-Bluelighter
have you tried talking to a therapist