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How many people want/plan on dying "young" ?

donnie080208

donnie080208

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 21, 2010
Messages
286
Location
Eccles in Manchester,England
I know its a cliche in the rock world but how many people really want to live to middle age? would they rather" burn out or fade away"?.
Personally i do not want to see 35 but this isnt because i "had it" when i was younger ,more because i believe my mental situation is unlikely to change and i dont want to be a sad middle aged guy on his own. Im wondering how many who arent suicidal now in their 20's or early 30's but know in their heart they wont reach 40 or even want to.(through lifestyle or otherwise)
 
Unless I get semi-sober I doubt ill see 30 im 21 right now. If heroin doesnt kill me from an OD I am starting to feel the massive toll im taking on my body especially my hlungs and heart.
 
I personally dont care how long i live. But my ex told me the other day that she only plans to live to 24. Which could be very true if she keeps goin down the path shes walking. It broke my heart to hear her say that. So i told her if thats the way she wants it then im goin to die wit her.
 
i would already be dead if i didn't have someone with me that cared about me more than i do myself

i feel kind of trapped in a way. like the only way i will ever be able to kill myself is if this person is no longer in my life
 
I got addicted to heroin in my early twenties.Most of my friends have died (ODs,AIDS,etc...I turn 54 next month.I'm amazed I'm still alive.Not really pleased about it either.In my head I don't feel that old..It is weird to look in a mirror and see that I don't look 20 anymore.
 
yea im 23 and at times already fell dead, life seems to not have purpose yet am unable to pull the trigger it almost seems cruel to bring children into the world this day in age, its as if evolution no longer wants us to reproduce due to overpopulation and and worldwide problems...im in awe of how sheltered of lives we live..here we are sitting on the internet under the influence of narcotics whining about life while the world is so big and there are so many bigger problems ie: water to drink....i guess there is some validity to mo money mo problems...but also less money mo problems....wheres the happy median? what does a happy life look like?
 
^ thats the problem with drugs.. they separate life into a series of highs and lows. ive found, in my own life, that living with extremes - going from extreme highs to extreme lows - is just a recipe for suffering. so now i just try to live a balanced and normal life.. its not always easy but i find it much more fulfilling.


im 25 and ive always had this weird feeling that i would not make it past 27. at times when i was younger that seemed comforting.. but now im in a place in life where i would like to live on and grow older, so im hoping that was just a weird idea in my head and i wont actually be dead in two years lol.
 
When I was addicted to benzo's I figured I would. I was completely wreckless and crazy, but I tapered and for the past year have worked so dam hard getting through all the bull crap. Now I have so much to live for it's amazing, how your life can go from the gutter to perfect, if you really put in the effort and never give up.

I'm happy now and it's just hard to believe how somone can get out of a situation that seems impossible. There's always hope.
 
^ so true we in the west have never had life so good, yet feel so unfulfilled, with many people unable to cope with the modern world . too many cars, information and people, no wonder many (incl.me) go crazy or take drugs.

on subject how many people know they have experienced the "best" of their lives allready and its only downhill from here ? I think i have and keep delaying my suicide date month by month hoping things will get better. Im scared ill wake up and ill be 45 years old and still be sat here trapped inside my own head. I sometimes think it maybe better to live a drink/drug fulled lifestyle and just die by misadventure or liver failure in my early 30's.
 
I'm 52 and more than middle aged since we mostly don't live to 104! Geeze, I lost so many friends to drugs, the police action in Viet Nam (mostly older bros of school friends) and then AIDS. When you're young you feel invincible to a degree or you think life just is a game. Once you have kids and shit you realize you need to be here for your family. My kids are grown but I have a grandson who I would kill or die for.

There is so much more than the uncertainty of youth and being a 20 something...even a 30 something. I remember when we said never trust anyone over 30. We're all over 30 now except those who died. Radicals in congress now :) People who would have died for the cause you know! Now those guy worry about enlarged prostates. Enjoy your life now! It changes so much once you get older. Once you are my age you spend your life at doctor appointments. You start to listen to those commericals about long term care life insurance.

Donnie, tell your mum I said she needs to smack you upside your head please :) Best of your life already? Do you really have that kind of dosh yet?
 
I would like to die right now, at any moment I would gladly just keel over and die. My dealer won't answer my calls/call me back, and I'm going out of my fucking mind. I am terribly suffering, God this is terrible and I wish I was dead.

I don't want to live much longer, maybe a couple more years or so, and I'll just go buy a shot gun (no permit needed, just a quick background check, and get real messed up and do it.) But maybe if I get clean I will have a different outlook. Right now I am having money troubles due to expensive drugs and medical bills and low income and being 23 and being stupid.
 
You probably haven't expierenced the best part of your life, when you do you wont be posting here or thinking about it probably. My life was better before, even though it's great now. That's just how things are. If everything was always perfect it wouldn't be fun.

Kind of like you need to not get high for awhile, so you can know what it's like to actually be high. You cant just be high all the time, well yeah you can but it wont be as nice.

My point is nothing in life is free. When you turn your life around and work towards your goals, you'll be very happy. If your never working towards your goals and just sitting around feeling sorry for your self your mind will be your worst enemy.

You can turn off that evil voice in your head by working hard towards your goals and being a positive person. Your life will get better then you ever imagined, and one day you'll look back and be amazed. Another part of you might think, what the hell was I thinking this is how I should of felt my whole life.

You gotta get busy living.
 
Well shit im 28 now well closer to 29 :\ and i never thought id make it this far. But now that i have im glad i did and i really don't want to check out early at all now. I actually don't feel that nervous about my 30's anymore and i don't feel all that nervous about when i hit 40 years down the road. Well i do feel kinda nervous but that's all you can do 8)

I have a chronic pain disorder (trigeminal neuralgia), bipolar disorder that is often undermedicated and various addictions i deal with. So it's certainly not easy for me and there have ben times when i wished i didnt live as long as i have even but really im actually glad to be alive. Ive had alot of good and bad happen to me lately such as falling in love, going to live with my g/f and only coming back home to live due to various problems. My biggest fear is dying alone really with noone to give a fuck and years ago thats what i would have thought would have happened. But i doubt it will now. So it seems the older i get the more at peace i am with everything in a odd way.

Dying at 27 just seems so boring and yes cliche now :\
 
when I was young and going through long term addiction after long term addiction I couldn't imagine livinng past 30. Then at 28 I had my daughter when I was told I would never have children. She was a miracle and thank god for her, at 32 I had my son. Thank God for him. I managed to bartend my way through college with a 4.o gpa. Got my dream job bought a great home for my kids and I it was the american dream. and then I got a bad disease that took me out of my dream job. I held on to the home for 14 years and lost it to foreclosure. my diseases have gotten worse and I just got an eviction notice yesterday even though I am paid in full. Landlord said he didnt have to give me a reason. someone probably told him Im an ex jukie or some shitl so am lookinjg at major surgery and will have noplace to live. I also have congestiven heart failure we found out yesterday............can it get much worse? I am like someone else said. I look in the mirror and I cant beleive its me. Im 50/ Only thing keeping me going now is that I want grand babies : ) Otherwise I cant see much point in hanging in therel
 
i turned 46 in the spring, never expected to still be around.
got involved in some dangerous things w/ scary ppl. when i was quietly trying to get out, i really thought i'd be killed. actually i was kinda hoping i would be dead by age 20. friends were dying from hiv/aids. i got lucky, got out, and put 1000 miles behind me as quick as i could.
an ob/gyn said getting pregnant and carrying a healthy baby to term would be two miracles but somehow miracles happened. if not for my son i am positive i would have been dead by 25-ish. but years passed and i stayed alive because others depended on me.
at 38 i had the middle age melt down but since then each year has been better than the previous one.
i struggle, always will, i'm sure. life is a long way from perfect but it's not the disaster i would have predicted.
time makes things, like point of view, change. stuff that really bothered me at 18 doesn't matter at all now. all in all i feel really lucky most of time. i miss friends, i miss freedom from responsibilities, i miss the energy i once had, and i miss that no fear feeling.
it's been a ride and right now i'm not ready to jump off just yet.
-izzy
 
This year, I have faced two near fatal situations.

The first was about July I think, not too sure of the exact month as the days all just roll into one for me, even when I'm not using.
I was actually trapped in my house and couldn't get out while the house was slowly filling with white smoke, I remember as the smoke filled my lungs that I dying wasn't such a bad thing, just another chapter of life's great adventures and accepted that there was a huge possibility that I would die if my parents didn't come home soon, I couldn't ring the fire brigade because my phone was dead and the charger for it was broken and we don't have a house phone.
My parents arrived just in time as I was slowly slipping into a deep sleep, I didn't realise I was almost "asleep" until my mother picked me up and carried me onto the front lawn, that was my first near death experience.

The 2nd was about 4 weeks ago, I had just gotten back from a HUGE event called Defqon. 1 Australia, I was fine all day and night, and even went to sleep, but I had a night terror which woke me and I couldn't get back to sleep because I was quite frightened plus I had started throwing up and my mum gave me 25 mg of Seroquel, which was prescribed to her as an anti depressant and a sleep aid.
I fell asleep, and all Sunday until Monday I woke up delusional, apparently my parents had had enough and called the ambulance and I was so out of it I don't remember them talking to me, asking me questions, etc.
I got to the ER and my heart rate was 157 bpm and I had all this stuff wrong with me and anyway to make a long story short I almost OD'd.

Ever since the first near death experience, I pretty much accepted death, I was and still am OK with it, and in fact I would prefer to die young.
Not saying that I think ODing would be an acceptable way to die, but if it happened again because I find that I am too weak to give up for good then to me I feel like it is an acceptable part of my lifestyle.

But I'm too strong to give up that easily.
 
My situation is eerily similar to many of yalls stories. I have wanted to die for a while now, but I have a goal. The only thing that keeps me here is my passion for music. I would just like to write one great song that will be remembered, and all my dreams I have had of me reaching for my loaded glock under my box spring will come to fruition.
 
I have no interest in living very long. Frankly, I've already given up. Truly I have. Droppersneck, I'm the same as you. I'm a songwriter and one of the only things that keeps me going is my dream to get somewhere as a musician. But as that becomes more improbable for me, I'm becoming closer to killing myself.

I'm also holding on because I don't want my parents to feel like they've failed. They'd have to live with that for the rest of their lives. It's as if I'd be passing my pain onto them and anyone else who might care about me.
 
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