ChesseMane
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2019
- Messages
- 3
I was full-blown addicted to IV opiates (Oxycodone, Dilaudid, Morphine, Oxymorphone, H) for 2-3 years. Then I got on Suboxone but it just didn't scratch that "itch". This led to a 3 month IV coke/crack addiction. Thankfully, I never really liked stimulants (just chasing that "rush" I missed). I eventually began to lose my mind, started going into psychosis and panic-attacks off as little as a $5 piece, and I just quit one day. I felt so much better and I never looked back.
I then decided to enroll myself in a Methadone clinic. I knew the dangers but I didn't want to cop illegally because I didn't want to end up back in prison. I was on 160mg for 3 years. At first, I was able to get my life back on track. I got a decent apartment, a vehicle, a full-time job, was saving money, and I was no longer risking my freedom on the daily. I also had medical-marijuana and Xanax scripts (I became increasingly dependent upon the Xanax). But then about 2 1/2 years in, I got hella fat (I been swole since prison 6 years ago and always athletic/skinny before that), depressed, lonely, and began having suicidal-ideations. I took some LSD one night (would definitely not recommend for anyone going through these circumstances unless you have heavy experience with hallucinogens, good product, and have never had a freak-out) and it told me I had too much fucking garbage chemicals in my system. I immediately listened and acted accordingly, tapering myself from 160mg to 30mg over a 6 month period. I wanted that one last "good-high" (the idea being that, threoretically, it would ease my mind about the thought of quitting forever) so I started messing with H again for a couple weeks on and off and still taking Methadone on the days I didn't have enough cash. I couldn't believe that even after months at a 30mg Methadone dose, I would watch serious IV opiate addicts do 1 bag or split a bag and nod out, while I'm doing 4 at a time multiple times a day just to stay well. This was especially disconcerting because I knew that the "H" was largely composed of Fentanyl. I switched to Oxycodone for a week to try to get rid of all those years of built up Methadone half-lives, and with the idea that it might be easier and quicker to detox from a fast-acting, less potent opioid. I went to my doctor and told him I was leaving the clinic and needed help. He prescribed me Prozac and Gabapentin (as well as my usual Xanax). I also was taking Imodium AD and Pepto-Bismal as needed. In the following 10 days I eased my symptoms by taking 25mg Done, then 20mg, 15mg, 10mg, 7.5mg, 5mg, 4, 3, 2, 1. Those first 10 days, were absolute hell, physically. But I gave away all my money, removed any temptation from my vicinity, and put myself on "house-arrest" for a month. I won't go into detail, but at this point in my life, FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION.
My current problem has been that each night I've been sleeping less and less, and since I jumped off 1mg, I couldn't sleep for 4 days. I started losing it! I felt like I was going to fall and/or seizure-out and, being that I live alone, I went to the E.R. They gave me a dose of Ativan and a 3-day prescription to Ambien. That night I took the Ambien and slept 7 hours. Next night, 5 hours. Then, no sleep at all once again.
I'm finally starting to feel my strength coming back physically, the restless legs are almost gone, hot & cold sweats basically gone . . . I thought the hardest part was over. Now I've been clean from even the slightest dose of any opiate (including Subs) for 6 days (16 if you include the quick and hellish taper). Unfortunately, I still can't sleep, no appetite, super-sensitive to sun-light and temperature, and my mind is still not quite "with-it".
The E.R. doctor told me I tapered too quick and should go back to the clinic. However, I refuse to give up . . . And even if I wanted to, I spent all my money to alleviate any temptation and I'm still way too physically/mentally weak to go back to work or even just to go hustle. I burned those bridges on purpose.
So, my question is, judging from my extensive addiction history and somewhat haphazard and fast taper . . . When will I start to feel "normal" again? When will I be able to get a full-night's sleep? I just want to eat some cheese pizza, go back to work, and make my family proud of me once again. My mom is getting older and will soon need my help like I needed her's for so many years growing up. I can't do that as a junkie, and that is a fuck-up that I'm not willing to live with.
I was also planning on stopping the Xanax as soon as I felt better. But now I'm starting to wonder if that's not the best idea. I don't think I could handle 6-12 months of P.A.W.S. and I'm trying to do everything I can think of to avoid it.
Thank you for reading this, and any info is greatly appreciated. Peace.
I then decided to enroll myself in a Methadone clinic. I knew the dangers but I didn't want to cop illegally because I didn't want to end up back in prison. I was on 160mg for 3 years. At first, I was able to get my life back on track. I got a decent apartment, a vehicle, a full-time job, was saving money, and I was no longer risking my freedom on the daily. I also had medical-marijuana and Xanax scripts (I became increasingly dependent upon the Xanax). But then about 2 1/2 years in, I got hella fat (I been swole since prison 6 years ago and always athletic/skinny before that), depressed, lonely, and began having suicidal-ideations. I took some LSD one night (would definitely not recommend for anyone going through these circumstances unless you have heavy experience with hallucinogens, good product, and have never had a freak-out) and it told me I had too much fucking garbage chemicals in my system. I immediately listened and acted accordingly, tapering myself from 160mg to 30mg over a 6 month period. I wanted that one last "good-high" (the idea being that, threoretically, it would ease my mind about the thought of quitting forever) so I started messing with H again for a couple weeks on and off and still taking Methadone on the days I didn't have enough cash. I couldn't believe that even after months at a 30mg Methadone dose, I would watch serious IV opiate addicts do 1 bag or split a bag and nod out, while I'm doing 4 at a time multiple times a day just to stay well. This was especially disconcerting because I knew that the "H" was largely composed of Fentanyl. I switched to Oxycodone for a week to try to get rid of all those years of built up Methadone half-lives, and with the idea that it might be easier and quicker to detox from a fast-acting, less potent opioid. I went to my doctor and told him I was leaving the clinic and needed help. He prescribed me Prozac and Gabapentin (as well as my usual Xanax). I also was taking Imodium AD and Pepto-Bismal as needed. In the following 10 days I eased my symptoms by taking 25mg Done, then 20mg, 15mg, 10mg, 7.5mg, 5mg, 4, 3, 2, 1. Those first 10 days, were absolute hell, physically. But I gave away all my money, removed any temptation from my vicinity, and put myself on "house-arrest" for a month. I won't go into detail, but at this point in my life, FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION.
My current problem has been that each night I've been sleeping less and less, and since I jumped off 1mg, I couldn't sleep for 4 days. I started losing it! I felt like I was going to fall and/or seizure-out and, being that I live alone, I went to the E.R. They gave me a dose of Ativan and a 3-day prescription to Ambien. That night I took the Ambien and slept 7 hours. Next night, 5 hours. Then, no sleep at all once again.
I'm finally starting to feel my strength coming back physically, the restless legs are almost gone, hot & cold sweats basically gone . . . I thought the hardest part was over. Now I've been clean from even the slightest dose of any opiate (including Subs) for 6 days (16 if you include the quick and hellish taper). Unfortunately, I still can't sleep, no appetite, super-sensitive to sun-light and temperature, and my mind is still not quite "with-it".
The E.R. doctor told me I tapered too quick and should go back to the clinic. However, I refuse to give up . . . And even if I wanted to, I spent all my money to alleviate any temptation and I'm still way too physically/mentally weak to go back to work or even just to go hustle. I burned those bridges on purpose.
So, my question is, judging from my extensive addiction history and somewhat haphazard and fast taper . . . When will I start to feel "normal" again? When will I be able to get a full-night's sleep? I just want to eat some cheese pizza, go back to work, and make my family proud of me once again. My mom is getting older and will soon need my help like I needed her's for so many years growing up. I can't do that as a junkie, and that is a fuck-up that I'm not willing to live with.
I was also planning on stopping the Xanax as soon as I felt better. But now I'm starting to wonder if that's not the best idea. I don't think I could handle 6-12 months of P.A.W.S. and I'm trying to do everything I can think of to avoid it.
Thank you for reading this, and any info is greatly appreciated. Peace.
