How long does recovery take?

[Dvorak_King]

Hi, first post here (came fromr/antipsychiatry, the only place that believed me)
So I was a hypersensitive brain (not a good thing), growing up bread used to brain fog me, and I psychometrically track my cognitive status.

I first took buspirone 2022 for anxiety. 1st pill within 5 minutes made my legs feel magical, slowed down my saccades instant CNS depression, my brain never went back to operating to its pre drug psychomotor performance (3.5 thoughts per saccade when reading, and I used to have fast saccades/eyes back then). saccades became faster than when I was off drugs but slower than what I was born with. then I took hydroxyzine for anxiety, that reduced my saccades/psychomotor speed again and jacked up my episodic memory for a bit.

i then took a bentyl/zofran (anticholinergic/5ht3 antagonist, respectively - for GI issues), they sedated me and still haven't recovered psychomotor speed(I now take twice the time than what it'd take me to do tasks before this), my phonological loop went from being able to store 14-15 digits to 10-11 digits worth of normally recited audible memory. My short term memory is shot, can't remember what sequences to do or what I just thought/did, so I can't even do math. I'm taking calc 1 and my algebra is horrible. (to say I've always been good at math is an understatement, I slacked off in HS and still got a 5.0GPA).

Everyone talks recovery but not specifically, especially in terms of processing speed, and even less about psychomotor speed and even less about it through saccade measurement...
Does anyone have input how long this index recovers substantiated by this specific measurement and if it even does to a certain extent? I'd also like to know about audible memory (phonological loop memory) recovery.

I have always been of high capacity but sat on it, I'm getting to the point where if I don't cash it in soon the world is going to make me out to be someone who always thought of themselves as grandiose, so for now I'll focus on "accomplishing" myself so I can have some neurotypical currency to substantiate who I say I am because this shit world likes to judge before they listen to you.

 

[Babygirl25]

You might not want to hear this but recovery takes a lifetime. I imagine you're going through some kind of shit at the moment and thats what you want to know about, about when the hard bit ends. I apologise if my assumption is wrkng. I'm 73 and my journey on the recovery roads began when I was 40. But recovery isn't about suffering through till it's over as it's not about that at all. For me it's about having the life I wanted to have while staying drug free, but enjoying the process. Now have the life not that I expected but a life I can live with, most of the time. I just have to be aware of my past addiction so that it doesn't creep back in through the back door. It's like a diabetic who is told they can no longer eat chocolate asking" how long am I going to love a bar of chocolate. You'll always love chocolate but now, due to something out of your control you have to find something that gives you the same pressure that chocolate did. Eventually you find an alternative that has the same sweet taste just without the risk's chocolate presents. You can live without it but ignore diabetes and it could prove fatal. Explore all of the things you'd never thought of trying before. Does that make sense? For me it was about getting my degree, something I never thought I could do as I was a complete failure. No, that degree was better than drugs as it proved that I could achieve, could succeed. Ok that's not everyone's bag, but he'll there's something out there that will become more important than drugs. Recovery is really what you make it. It can be a pain in the ass or it can be a wonderful world of new discoveries, discoveries about yourself. Gaining awareness of how you really operate and enjoying most of it. I feel lucky that I've had the opportunity to learn more about myself. I see people who have very little awareness of themselves or those around them recovery has given me this gift. And bring drug free and able to do anything I want without that addiction leash around my neck is the most powerful feeling I've ever felt. Don't wait for it to end cos you're missing out on a hell of a lot. Embrace the process, even on days that aren't so great. It's called life. Sorry to sound so bloody pleased with recovery, but even today when things aren't so great I'm still in there. Plus the fact you're no longer a victim of an addiction. You're a survivor. Now that's something to be so proud of.

 

[DeathIndustrial88]

Your brain is constantly rewiring & figuring out new pathways & stuff.

I don't think anyone can give you an exact estimate on when your brain will go "back to normal". It may never go back to normal or it could in a few years.

I hope this doesn't sound rude, but it sounds like you have some kind of OCD. Constantly monitoring your psychomotor skills & all these things can't be good for your mental health. Everyone's brain kinda gets dumber as we age. It's normal & just a part of life. You could walk down the street one day & get a whiff of some one's nasty car exhaust & it could damage your brain or change something, there's so many things in our environment that are causing changes to our brain.

I think your best bet is to try & adapt to who you are. And accept yourself. You don't owe the world anything, nor do you need to be anything for anyone but yourself.


This is coming from some one who used meth for over 20 years, opioids for 18 years, use to drink DXM cough syrup, huff dust remover, huff nail polish remover, drink tons of alcohol. I've done some of the dumbest shit you could ever imagine in my lifetime. Buspirone & hydroxyzine is child's play compared to what I've done to my body for the past 3 decades. lol I'll never have the same cognitive speed or abilities I had when I was a teenage or young adult. But that's okay. I still think I'm pretty intelligent for a high school drop out.

Hell, maybe what I'm saying isn't even helpful at all. But I still wish you the best. Life is a lifelong process. Things are always changing. You just have to hang in there & see what tomorrow brings.

If you're not a hardcore drug user, I would think your brain will be fine after awhile, but it might not. And if it's the latter, it's up to you to make the most of life as you can. I think you'll be alright, but what do I know. lol

Good luck!