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How I (just) managed to save my life...

GABAlover

GABAlover

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 6, 2006
Messages
332
Location
Melbourne, Australia
I had it all, the hot GF, the fit as fuck body, the youth. I used to be top of my faculty at university and was asked to tutor pharmacology alongside the honours students, because of my ability. I was happy all the time. Really happy.

Then I started to smoke weed occasionally. Occasionally turned into every few days, then most days, then every day, etc.

To cut a long story short, after a few years I ended up on the following daily regime:

-200mg sertraline
-100 to 200 grams (10 to 20std drinks) alcohol
-2 to 6mg clonazepam
-0.5 to 1.5gram marijuana
-120mg oxycodone (IV, via micron filter)

All these drugs, every day.

I also had a history of major depression, my GF and daughter fucked off and moved 2000Km (about 1,400 miles) away. I lost my job, rang up a huge debt, failed university, fell into very poor physical shape.

It was hell coming off all that shit. It was years since I felt remotely normal. I was just a zombie existing day to day.

Luckily for me, I was admitted to a hospital detox facility and successfully detoxed from all of this crap. I now take 50mg naltrexone per day (to avoid opiate temptation), have quit weed and booze and benzos, and reduced the sertraline to 50mg per day. (It works now, since I have removed all the depressant drugs from my system.)

Drug abuse came within millimeters of ending my life. I realise that most Dark Side posts are questions and people needing support, I couldn't even log on to Bluelight.ru, I was so depressed.

I just hope that one person reads this thread and thinks twice about the dangers of polydrug use on top of a pre-existing mental health problem. I only just pulled through, and I am generally a tough prick to break. This shit nearly broke me.
 
Good job man. I stopped shooting heroin almost a year ago and went on suboxone and am in the process of getting off of that now. Hopefully I'm able to live a drug free life like you when the time comes.
 
Hi GABAlover, thank you so much for sharing your story. It's always important for us to have stories like yours in TDS. I'm glad things have turned out this way for you <3

Do you get to see your daughter these days?
 
Good for you Gabbalover. Now you can start rebuilding your life. Like starting a new chapter so to speak. Having overcome so much, it's clear that you an do anything you set your mind to. Congradultions on taking your life back.
 
n3ophy7e said:
Hi GABAlover, thank you so much for sharing your story. It's always important for us to have stories like yours in TDS. I'm glad things have turned out this way for you <3

Do you get to see your daughter these days?
Click to expand...

Thanks for all your kind words guys. The Bluelight community are a great bunch of people.

I do get to see my daughter, luckily I worked hard to keep things civil between her mother and I.
 
tips on how to get back into shape? I destroyed my body over the last year, looked at a christmas card from last year when I was using occasionally and in comparison I look great. For weights I was putting up 205 squats, 225 bench and 225 deadlift with occasional drug use. 3 weeks on 3 weeks off.

Now after 6 months of using everyday I'm squating 135 benching 155 and deadlifting 185. Been sober for 3 weeks now though. Hoping I can increase 5% each week over the next 10 weeks.
 
Great :) I hope things continue to go well for you, that's a major change that you've been able to make.
 
GABAlover said:
Thanks for all your kind words guys. The Bluelight community are a great bunch of people.

I do get to see my daughter, luckily I worked hard to keep things civil between her mother and I.
Click to expand...

Excellent to hear that. Life doesn't always go the way we want it to, but we should never make our children have to suffer for our life's little (or big) mistakes. :) :) :)

So since your recovery what have you been doing with your life? You back into Pharmacology? That sounds interesting (fun even!). I was a Chemistry student in college, but I never made it past my 3rd year.
 
idonteven said:
tips on how to get back into shape? I destroyed my body over the last year, looked at a christmas card from last year when I was using occasionally and in comparison I look great. For weights I was putting up 205 squats, 225 bench and 225 deadlift with occasional drug use. 3 weeks on 3 weeks off.

Now after 6 months of using everyday I'm squating 135 benching 155 and deadlifting 185. Been sober for 3 weeks now though. Hoping I can increase 5% each week over the next 10 weeks.
Click to expand...

Are you trying to gain mass or lose mass? Or do you just want to be doing higher weight in your exercises? My opinion is that appearence is 20% exercise and 80% diet.
 
i want to gain mass. I realize diet is a huge part, but increasing weights should increase the neeed for muscle mass
 
wow man, its always unique and stunning to me, the "spiral". at the same time though, this spiral is so routine, and a practical clinical schematic of step-by-step destruction.

ive got my big toe in with oxy for pain management, and its a rather odd disturbing opioid.
even when i abused opiates i avoided oxy, the w/d's are especially gross in a different way, very aggressive and mentally exhausting to deal with.

our mod Over Done, is wanting to gather stories like yours, success stories.
would you maybe be interested in getting personal with something like that?
i know i am.
 
Yeah mate, would love to take part in that.

Oxy is a cruel withdrawal. I didn't want to go down the methadone or buprenorphine path. I crashed at home, using high doses of loperamide, moderate doses of paracetamol (acetaminophen), and large doses of benzodiazepines. It took quite a while to feel normal again. The depression in withdrawal was incredible. Complete lack of pleasure in anything at all.
 
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I'm also a poly-drug abuser (with a preference for speed), and I've had anxiety and depression all of my life. Forming habits with drugs made it so much worse, that I may have to be institutionalized soon... So I sympathize with you. I hope I can get to the point where you are! My body is way too confused with all the drugs and medications I'm putting into it just to function normally.
Good luck with everything
 
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