TDS How I healed from my post psychedelic crisis. share your exp, ask me anything

al-laddin

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 10, 2014
Messages
500
Hello everyone, Im going to try and keep from rambling as much as possible but I have sooooo much to say and don't know how to fit it all into one thread and keep it from being "too much to swallow" so I will touch on as much as possible and if you have any questions feel free to ask as I hope what Ive gone through may help some of you and I would also like to learn


So Ive been using psychedelics for about 18 years and the only thing I know for sure is that they have the ability to hurt some of us and help some as well. They are a powerful tool and not to be taken lightly. That being said Ive gone through some horrific trips and have gone through HPPD (I still have it). I have stopped using psychedelics for a large chunk of the last four years and started using again albeit treading carefully. I was much more irresponsible with my dosage, set and setting prior to the onset of my problems as a result of these drugs.

So back in in 94 I discovered LSD and used it extremely frequently until 96. Initially it was a lot of fun and I got my kicks from visiting the psychedelic realms, however one bad trip on a dose of 500-700ugs of LSD lead to the next four years being hell and misery. This was my onset of HPPD, perhaps? Looking back at this event with a more collected state of mind I really believe that the onset of my HPPD was within the first few doses of LSD, in fact I believe this to be the case with anyone that uses psychedelics, however I may be wrong, its just speculative at this point. I believe I ony NOTICED mine as a result of PTSD like symptoms from the bad trip that I had later on. Ive asked a lot of my friends who tolerate psychedelics well about there visual symptoms and most will agree that they have visual snow, slight trailing etc, etc. It doesn't seem to bother many of them and goes unnoticed for the most part. I believe that I noticed mine due to spiritual and emotional trauma. In the same way war vets become delusional and believe things are happening that really aren't our HPPD perhaps gets exacerbated by the root cause of emotional trauma.

So for the next four years the only thing I could do to make myself feel better was to drink booze as I was in a constant state of agony. I was in constant fear that I would be dosed and I was delusional and PHOBIC that my food could be laced with LSD, or a doorknob might have LSD on it. I feared that I was stuck in a "plastic" world. (dp/dr I believe) and I was just so depressed as a result. I did any kind of research I could to try and find answers to my current state and I found a few suggestions along the way that where more in the "hair of the dog" school of thought. Well, fast forward four years and I figured things have slowly gotten better mentally but I knew I was still traumatized from my one high dose LSD experience, but I figured Id give a low dose of mushrooms a shot...I figured they were a different animal than LSD. Well I was mostly wrong as they were very similar and initially I felt uncomfortable and the fact that said muchrooms could have been store bought and liquid LSD may have been dropped on them, but my nervousness began leveling out and I rode the feeling out. Anyway when I came down from the experience I felt "cleansed". From that day forward I made a fairly rapid recovery, at least emotionally. I didn't even notice my visual disturbances. I felt "cured". I believe this to be a result of the mushrooms helping me come to terms with everything. That these drugs wont "hurt" me. As my main fear was being dosed again unexpectedly, or losing my mind. Now Im not suggesting that anyone follow my path but this is what worked for me. When I returned from the mushroom trip I felt probably 60% better than before and rapidly rached about 85% recovery within the next week. After this point I used mushrooms at varying dosages over the next 12 years. Not only did I use varying dosages but I had many experiences ranging from uncomfortable and just plain bad to spiritual and life changing. In fact I had one experience that resulted me in quitting two addictive substances (alcohol and tobacco) immediately after the experience. This lasted a good three years and then I returned to my bad behaviors. I have not noticed any increase in visual disturbances from mushrooms however I did use one RC (25c-nbome) recently that seems to have slightly exacerbated it for me. Ive used LSD on occasion since and have also seen a slight exacerbation but nothing very notable. My emotional state is stable.

I do have to warn about cannabis. I find cannabis very uncomfortable to this day, Ive never really enjoyed after my bad experience with LSD but even before then it was a bit "wierd" for me so I believe that if you are not comfortable using cannabis that may be a warning sign that more powerful psychedelics may effect your emotional state and HPPD. I believe people who are neurotic or worry a lot about more trivial things than others are succeptable as well. Ive noticed more easy going people seem to have less issues using psychs.

The bottom line is everything is constantly changing our brain chemistry. Remember this, you will never return to a state prior to tripping because its impossible. I feel we must accept this. These powerful drugs just showed us how much our brains can change after one experience. You cant unlearn what you've experienced but you can come to terms with it and you can find contentment and happiness beyond your wildest dreams, just as you could before you had your drug experiences. I thought this was impossible but I did it. I was the most fucked up person I knew from drugs between 96-2000. But now I feel normal. I still get angry, I still feel sadness and I become joyful but I have control again. It just takes time and passion to get better.



For those of you who may be having a post psychedelic crisis I would like to share with you 18 years worth of experience in regards to what helped me and what I believe me be helpful to you.



-Spiritual practices, energy work, meditation. I don't believe in a god in the classic sense, but I believe that there is some sort of divine order in the cosmos and I feel that focusing on this has helped IMMENSLY. Also avoid people that tell you different as I don't believe that atheistic points of view will help such a condition as feeling so helpless and hopeless, it would be conducive to call on a bit of divine intervention for recovery. Now please don't take this the wrong way of you adhere to strong atheistic beliefs. But in the grand scheme of things we humans know nothing. Did you know that it is a fact that there are 8.8 BILLION earth like inhabitable planets in our galaxy?? Hows that for trippy!!

-Working out/excersice this helps the body create endorphins which will give you the emotional strength to battle your condition. I recommend heavy weights and heavy cardio. Makes me feel like Im walking on a cloud all day. This is essential and if you were the couch potatoe type before you will love how you look and you ll be healing your mind at the same time!!

-Stop watching/reading anything that may evoke unpleasant thoughts or emotions. No news, no horror movies. These things made me feel more hopeless.

-School/academics- exercising the brain. The more you use the brain the more neuropathways you will create the stronger your emotional state will get. Challenge yourself with mathematics and language arts. I have found that challenging my brain with mathematics has helped me sleep more soundly at night better than any physical exercise ever could.

-Stay AWAY FROM CANNABIS. I don't know why but it seems that cannabinoids may be extrememly harmful to many peoples emotional state and can worsen symptoms of HPPD exponentially. If you absolutely need something to calm down when things get too rough an occasional drink or two is what I used with success.

I hope my subjective experiences may help some of you guys. I would like to give something to the community as I didn't have much support or help through my horrific four years of hell.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Top