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How do you know how socially awkward you are?

tantric

tantric

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 2, 2004
Messages
867
Location
athens GA
Demonstration: I had an IQ test in grad school and scored 165. Most primatologists put chimps IQ's around 80. Analogy - Me:Average Person::Average Person:Severely retarded chimpanzee. That's a horribly awkward and untrue thing to say, I know that, it's an example. Humans and chimps are not at all alike, the correct analogy is: me talking to an average person is like an average person talking to someone who is clinically mentally retarded. Right, I'm loving it - my life is a nightmare. In 5th grade we took a test to assess our language skills. My result was 'post-college graduate'. My parents were trilled. I asked, "Well, can I go to college?" ... "Of course you can, when you get older, you can go anything you can imagine," they said. "I'm imagining myself in college." Laughter. There are lots of kinds of intelligence - for example, social intelligence. My social IQ is on par with a brain damaged baboon.

Break - I'm the poster boy for Low Latent Inhibition (caps optional), which is not a disorder, but a personality trait (what does that *mean*?) I have no mental filters - I can't get used to some stimulus and not pay attention any more, it's always new. By and large, this is NOT something to bitch about. I have no desire to change. Random plus - animal camouflage/crypsis doesn't work on me. At all - I astounded my ecology co-nerds. Random soso - compulsive reader. If I go in a room and sit down to talk to some one where there are shelves of books, I will read every title ASAP, relentlessly. Random bad - places like, well, Times Square, shopping malls, where there are lots of thing competing for your attention, clamoring, are hugely dysphoric. Sometimes it's like being a raw nerve, and how do we deal with that? Drugs. Dissociative anesthetics, preferably, which, I think makes sense. Overstimulated, anesthetize. Yeah, that's gonna work.....

On of my coping mechanisms is buddhism. I'm very serious about my religion (no, it's not a religion, nor is it a philosophy, it's a dharma). Not in the talking about it sense, but that it's deeply part of my mentality, how I see everything. Also, it's how I try to be a good person. Obviously, I don't follow the usual path, because I can't find it. Here, look at the Fourteen Precepts of Engaged Buddhism

  • Do not be idolatrous about or bound to any doctrine, theory, or ideology, even Buddhist ones. Buddhist systems of thought are guiding means; they are not absolute truth.
  • Do not think the knowledge you presently possess is changeless, absolute truth. Avoid being narrow-minded and bound to present views. Learn and practice nonattachment from views in order to be open to receive others’ viewpoints. Truth is found in life and not merely in conceptual knowledge. Be ready to learn throughout your entire life and to observe reality in yourself and in the world at all times.
  • Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education. However, through compassionate dialogue, help others renounce fanaticism and narrowness.
  • Do not avoid contact with suffering or close your eyes before suffering. Do not lose awareness of the existence of suffering in the life of the world. Find ways to be with those who are suffering, including personal contact, visits, images, and sounds. By such means, awaken yourself and others to the reality of suffering in the world.
  • Do not accumulate wealth while millions are hungry. Do not take as the aim of your life Fame, profit, wealth, or sensual pleasure. Live simply and share time, energy, and material resources with those who are in need.
  • Do not maintain anger or hatred. Learn to penetrate and transform them when they are still seeds in your consciousness. As soon as they arise, turn your attention to your breath in order to see and understand the nature of your hatred.
  • Do not lose yourself in dispersion and in your surroundings. Practice mindful breathing to come back to what is happening in the present moment. Be in touch with what is wondrous, refreshing, and healing both inside and around you. Plant seeds of joy, peace, and understanding in yourself in order to facilitate the work of transformation in the depths of your consciousness.
  • Do not utter words that can create discord and cause the community to break. Make every effort to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small.
    Do not say untruthful things for the sake of personal interest or to impress people. Do not utter words that cause division and hatred. Do not spread news that you do not know to be certain. Do not criticize or condemn things of which you are not sure. Always speak truthfully and constructively. Have the courage to speak out about situations of injustice, even when doing so may threaten your own safety.
  • Do not use the Buddhist community for personal gain or profit, or transform your community into a political party. A religious community, however, should take a clear stand against oppression and injustice and should strive to change the situation without engaging in partisan conflicts.
  • Do not live with a vocation that is harmful to humans and nature. Do not invest in companies that deprive others of their chance to live. Select a vocation that helps realize your ideal of compassion.
  • Do not kill. Do not let others kill. Find whatever means possible to protect life and prevent war.
  • Possess nothing that should belong to others. Respect the property of others, but prevent others from profiting from human suffering or the suffering of other species on Earth.
  • Do not mistreat your body. Learn to handle it with respect. Do not look on your body as only an instrument. Preserve vital energies (sexual, breath, spirit) for the realization of the Way. (For brothers and sisters who are not monks and nuns:) Sexual expression should not take place without love and commitment. In sexual relationships, be aware of future suffering that may be caused. To preserve the happiness of others, respect the rights and commitments of others. Be fully aware of the responsibility of bringing new lives into the world. Meditate on the world into which you are bringing new beings.

more later...
 
i'm getting there. so i now have a boyfriend. i've been alone a long time, so i went to some effort to make sure i was interested in him as a person, not a general need (among other things, i did a 3rd plateau DXM trip, contact with the universal, no needs at all, and very much wanted him, personally, to be there with me). we're new, and i'm stoopid, so:

You make me goofy happy. I gave up on the idea of being love years ago, that wasn't even what I trying to do when we met. I didn't think it was possible. When you're in the room with me, it's like being somewhere where you can smell the forest, all healthy and breathing. Then I look at you, and there's a 'we' and its like a little sun goes off in my forest, above it, and it's just bliss. I look at you, and you are so perfect, and I get the first pleasure rush – you meeting my eyes is like porn. There's the big breath bliss, but there's also the rushing heart beat bliss. When I ease into it, I feel grateful.

I thank my gods for you. I'm not kidding, I know I have no business with a guy like you – you say you used sex to get what you want, wonder why that didn't work for me. I'm honored and when we're in public, I really try no to be peacock proud, because it's unkind the other couples.
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The other day, we drove to ATL and back and on the way back had, to me, a surprise meltdown:

he said during the whole day I was deliberately fucking with him, by how I drive aggressively which causes him massive anxiety, other things (which he won't detail), demeaning him and disrespecting him. All during the drive to ATL, when he smiled back at me, and lit me up like a fucking christmas tree, actually, he was barely controlling his temper due to the constant stream of abuse.

i'm not allowed to say anything about this at all - after he went off, i muttered, i'm sorry (heartfelt) and I was a monster for having to have the last word. anything i say after this is a personal attack, with malice. i have NO idea how to deal with this.

yesterday, he topped me and was very dominant, first time, and i liked it. the next day we were joshing around about it and i said something like, wow, i'm going to have to keep my ass clean now (non gay people - use emena before sex, wash your butthole religiously, be very clean). he said, 'why are you saying that, that's disgusting you don't talk about things like that around me'. i was nonplussed. after a bit, i said that, really, i'm trained at recognizing diseases in wild animals and more often, their mangled corpses. he grimaced. i said, 'once my lab partner went to mexico and came back with montezuma's revenge. he swabbed his butt and the class had to identify the amoeba and prescribe the right drug'. oh, wow, no. 'why did you say that to me? that's disgusting, you said that just to hurt me? i told you never to talk about that nasty stuff, and you just had to say that, just to be mean.'

i'm a nut, but i'm also a scientist. i don't deal well with 'i'm right, you're wrong, shut up'. this is after i tried to talk about why i live so minimally and brought up the difference between joy (serotonin) and pleasure (dopamine) and how it part of my beliefs. his response was that the dictionary says that joy and pleasure are the same thing and that i wasn't making sense. i said, well, no, i meant....cut off - 'where i'm from the dictionary is right. that's what it says, they're the same, you're just doing this to make me angry." i said, 'ah, this is very important to my religion i can't talk about it....cut off. "from now own i don't think you should talk about your religion at all in my own until we mutually agree otherwise"

what the FUCK am i supposed to do with that? the ban/censorship was via email, the next morning i went over to pick him up and he said, come in. i said, 'i can't, i''m not welcome, it would be dishonest for me to come in'. yeah, ugly. eventually i got to say, "i'm not a bad person, you're not a victim"

AT LONG LAST MY QUESTION - am i doing this, or is this second stage brain damage from long term meth abuse?
 
tl:dr are you just asking if you're too smart to get along socially with 'normal' people? I think the question speaks for itself.
 
^ I think you should re-read OP's second post.

among other things, i did a 3rd plateau DXM trip
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I might get heat for this on Bluelight, but taking DXM to gauge your level interest in a person is socially awkward. Red flag.

how I drive aggressively which causes him massive anxiety
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Driving aggressively is bad. Just don't do it. Red flag.
i said something like, wow, i'm going to have to keep my ass clean now
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I understand it was meant as a self-irony kind of joke, but this doesn't change the fact that it's a very poor one.
once my lab partner went to mexico and came back with montezuma's revenge. he swabbed his butt and the class had to identify the amoeba and prescribe the right drug
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Disgusting indeed, why did you feel the need to bring that one up? See below, sense of superiority.
brought up the difference between joy (serotonin) and pleasure (dopamine) and how it part of my beliefs
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Joy and pleasure go hand in hand. Nitpicking on semantics to feel superior. Red flag.

My 2 cents. I'm not judging you.
 
This started out interesting and then you lost focus and told me about buddhism. I am into that, but the story you were trying to tell is not advanced with the principles of buddhism. Tell me more about yourself. How have you adapted as an adult? I also tested at a college level in grade school. I could read by age three, write by 4 and ahead of every person in my gifted program. I was always on the outside, and I still am due to my intelligence. I am accepted but I have to keep my intelligence muted so others don't feel intimidated. Tell me about your relationships.
 
tantric, you need to drop him like a bag of dirt "that he is" you are just seeing the beginnings of a fucking tornado! No matter how many times he says "I'm sorry" kick him to the curb, don't get sucked in and then in the future when you think you ain't worth shit think "I should have dumped him years ago"


The best to you!
 
Well, from what you wrote your really coming off as a narcissist/sociopath. Having to have the last word, claims of him abusing you the whole drive to ATL, "I'm not a bad person, your not a victim".. I saw tons of red flags reading through all that you wrote. And being disinhibited just supports my perception of you. I still don't fully understand the point of this thread
 
mrflippy said:
Well, from what you wrote your really coming off as a narcissist/sociopath. Having to have the last word, claims of him abusing you the whole drive to ATL, "I'm not a bad person, your not a victim"..
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You have that abuse thing backwards. But yeah, you can usually tell how socially awkward you are by the way people react to you. I know I am socially awkward as all fuck and I identify with it and I warn people of it but I also let them know that it's temporarily heightened because of circumstances right now.

It sounds like you have a superiority complex, people who think or know they are smart are usually fucking assholes and selfish. Maybe you have some form of aspergers or are just naturally not very socially tactful because you see yourself as better than everybody else. Maybe you are just looking for someone who can challenge you mentally and put you in your place? You are probably going to test people until you find this special person to fulfill the desire to be dominated and challenged.
 
I assume you were on drugs when you wrote this.

I further assume that the thing about IQ is a joke, albeit a bad one, and perhaps an indirect attempt to brag.

I don't think making a judgment that someone is a narcissist is possible in this fashion, least of all through an Internet forum!

I know when people are feeling vulnerable they attempt to deflect and make themselves feel better by discussing things that would, they seemingly hope, prop them up a bit ... It's a bad habit ;)

The Buddhist tenets/precepts are interesting :)

Sometimes you just gotta breathe, man! Try some yoga. Sitting in a room full of mostly females (although, I see you're gay, so maybe not), simply being, stretching, breathing, and smiling is so beneficial in many ways.

And, mate, who gives a shit about being socially awkward? I understand it's commonly said, quite often, this word "awkward" in USA. Truth is, most of the world's population is socially awkward! Big fucking deal!
 
your boyfriend and you are not suited for whatever reason.

as a guy that lives with a physics phd student at UCL in london i can sense the whole "rigid scientific" attitude which is pretty annoying and can get on yer tits

at the same time you are dating someone who buttfucks but cannot accept that poo comes from there (an idiot). get someone who isn't disgusted by the most important reason they are alive after having circulation and breathing. digestion is natural
 
I hold myself in extremely high regard when it comes to my intelligence, it is my favorite and best trait in my mind. I can sit there and drone on and on about chemistry for hours and have bored endless people to death especially in college when i was drunk and near a white board.

But yeah I am far from socially awkward because I talk about stuff normal people talk about when i am around them. This is why its important to pay attention to pop radio and TV shows, the world likes to talk about stuff i am not too interested in so i know enough to keep the convocation going. Its when you think the world is like you, has the same interests, coupled with an inability to recognize social ques that make for an awkward experience.

As much as i would love to go "im a chemist i want to talk about bond angles!" i default to "so do you watch american horror story?" or "man that song by (who is on the radio constantly) is annoying!"
 
szuko000 said:
I hold myself in extremely high regard when it comes to my intelligence, it is my favorite and best trait in my mind. I can sit there and drone on and on about chemistry for hours and have bored endless people to death especially in college when i was drunk and near a white board.

But yeah I am far from socially awkward because I talk about stuff normal people talk about when i am around them. This is why its important to pay attention to pop radio and TV shows, the world likes to talk about stuff i am not too interested in so i know enough to keep the convocation going. Its when you think the world is like you, has the same interests, coupled with an inability to recognize social ques that make for an awkward experience.

As much as i would love to go "im a chemist i want to talk about bond angles!" i default to "so do you watch american horror story?" or "man that song by (who is on the radio constantly) is annoying!"
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From your post you seem like a very likable guy, I am a bit socially awkward because I really do not like people. Most of the people I deal with are more acquaintances then anything else. It is hard for me to trust people and I only give them 1 chance to fuck me and that it, I rarely forgive anyone because when someone fucks you once they will do it again, this is my life's experience anyway.
 
oxyfen said:
From your post you seem like a very likable guy, I am a bit socially awkward because I really do not like people. Most of the people I deal with are more acquaintances then anything else. It is hard for me to trust people and I only give them 1 chance to fuck me and that it, I rarely forgive anyone because when someone fucks you once they will do it again, this is my life's experience anyway.
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But thats why you dont try people either. My cousin once told me a story of how he left 20 dollars on his desk with his group of best friends and it went missing and i simply said, "you left money on a desk for what to see if anyone would take it and when they did you were mad? that is why you dont trust anyone with your stuff" That is my take on it and in fact its only the people that i call my friends that hurt me because i allow them to but that is part of the human experience. But it is important that you anticipate situations where you can avoid seeing who people really are as it is the masks we were around others that define us to them, if you let people wear their masks youll like the general population if you try them to show who they are probably not as much.

Also i am way more likable in person because this is my internet persona ;)
 
I think it's worth 20$ to see who you can trust, it has cost me significantly more to see who is trustworthy. Yep, lessons in life.
 
Its easy to know your socially akward for me anyway. I don't pick up on many social ques so when I'm somewhere I'm unwelcome people pretty much tell me outright. It hurts my feelings in a way but its nice to know the truth. If someone doesn't want to hang around with me cause I'm not one of the cool kids I got a fat dick they can suck. Its a cliché but let the haters be motivators and find out a group you do fit it because no matter how weird, or akward, or anything else you are...there are always people to hang out with. Murders and rapist in prison have friends and you can too.
 
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