Help! How do you deal with intrusive, ego-dystonic thoughts?

[washingtonbound]

I'm 29, and in the last year or so, it seems that my mental health has been deteriorating rapidly. From 19-28 I suffered from many drug induced psychotic episodes that landed me in the psych hospital several times. Luckily I haven't had an episode in over a year and a half. But the unfortunate thing is that other issues I've had my whole life to some extent are rearing their head in a horrible way. Basically, my thoughts revolt me, are ego dystonic and attack my identity. Often they revolve around me being a bad person somehow and they force me into mental rituals that only make it worse. However they are not rational at all and that's what disturbs me about it, since I pride myself in being a rational person when not in a psychotic state. I have looked into CBT and other methods about detaching from your thoughts, allowing them to be, and just practicing acceptance. But they come with this disgusting feeling that force me into the mental rituals like a knee jerk reaction. I'm pretty sure I have purely obsessional OCD even though it hasn't been formally diagnosed. Anyway, at the moment I feel rather hopeless. I've spent two years of my life in treatment facilities outside of psych hospitals (dual diagnostic programs), and they have not helped me for shit. Therapists often regurgitate the same things over and over again and are not especially insightful.

In the last year, I've gotten to the point where self harm is uncontrollable. When the thoughts/feeling arise, I often scratch myself and hit myself. I have done this everyday for the past two months or so. I just got back on lamictal and it hasn't really helped. I'm feeling desperate and hope that someone who has dealt with this can give me some encouragement/advice on how to deal with this. I'm also a month free of nicotine, so perhaps am still dealing with psychological withdrawal symptoms.

 

[washingtonbound]

Forum is dead?

 

[Jeanpauldash]

Sorry to hear that. I've experienced some abuse that made me reflect retrospectively on what I hope would have been improved behavior. What I mean is that I wish to have had a more perfect experience I can be proud of in whole. However I think the entire actual previous experience was negative and harmful and it's still upsetting and confusing to imagine ingratiating the experience into something rational and acceptable. (In regards to ego dystonic experiences as well)

 

[Jnowhere]

Psychologists don't make their money from curing people they make you think that you are dependent on them and people like yourself; will go to them for years and not get any better, and that means money for them.

I have had fairly mild OCD on and off; I don't care to get into the symptoms I have had. However the intrusive thoughts and other issues usually come when there was a great deal of stress in my life.

I had used smokeless tobacco for15 years give or take and there seems to be more nicotine in that and when I quit there was nothing weird that happened and the same with on and off smoking. I currently do smoke lightly, and stopping that was miserable also but after a week or so I was fine.

The one thing that has worked for me with intrusive thoughts is trying to ignore them and thinking of something else. Yes I know that is easier said than done.

I know how painful and embarrassing OCD can be and somehow I just ignored various things that would set me off. Then something else would pop into my head and I would ignore that and at some point things of that nature would stop. Kind of a mental tug of war and then these episodes would pass.

My question is are you able to function as a normal adult or has it gotten to the point of agoraphobia or where you can't maintain normal relationships( I mean dealing with people in a normal matter, friends, romantic relationships, ect)?

 

[washingtonbound]

Psychologists don't make their money from curing people they make you think that you are dependent on them and people like yourself; will go to them for years and not get any better, and that means money for them.

I have had fairly mild OCD on and off; I don't care to get into the symptoms I have had. However the intrusive thoughts and other issues usually come when there was a great deal of stress in my life.

I had used smokeless tobacco for15 years give or take and there seems to be more nicotine in that and when I quit there was nothing weird that happened and the same with on and off smoking. I currently do smoke lightly, and stopping that was miserable also but after a week or so I was fine.

The one thing that has worked for me with intrusive thoughts is trying to ignore them and thinking of something else. Yes I know that is easier said than done.

I know how painful and embarrassing OCD can be and somehow I just ignored various things that would set me off. Then something else would pop into my head and I would ignore that and at some point things of that nature would stop. Kind of a mental tug of war and then these episodes would pass.

My question is are you able to function as a normal adult or has it gotten to the point of agoraphobia or where you can't maintain normal relationships( I mean dealing with people in a normal matter, friends, romantic relationships, ect)?

Unfortunately I don’t really function too well at the moment. I get hung up on stupid concepts in my mind, it makes no sense and that’s what pisses me off about it, the thoughts are not rational at all. They tend to revolve around me having committed some kind of offense, it’s hard to explain. Despite not having done anything whatsoever. When I was younger the thoughts were more predictable, and are getting stranger and stranger. For example, I’m an atheist, and several years ago a thought would come in like “you are a Muslim” or “you are a jehovas witness.” Then I would mentally repeat things like “no I’m not, I hate that shit,” etc. My latest issue has been feeling like I’m obligated to sympathize with people who I don’t respect. Doesn’t sound like a big deal but it causes a lot of distress. Other intrusive thoughts I had when I was younger was that someday I would kill someone, or kill myself, which are more typical OCD type thoughts.

Often times I can’t deal with people when they are too loud. Not really a phobia, but I get really bothered by the talking. I hate peoples politics as well and get really irritated and disgusted by it. A lot of rage built up I would say. Don’t like people much at all, although I wouldn’t consider myself a malicious person necessarily.

 

[golego55]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this.

The past few months I've been having intrusive thoughts while riding in a car at high speeds. I feel this desire to open the door while it's traveling. It terrifies me and I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry to hear about your self-harm being uncontrollable. I'm a cutter. It's weird how pain works, how paper cuts hurt more than deeper cuts that leave scars. Sometimes I think of my scars as tattoos. They're mine, I put them there myself, and I'm not even remotely ashamed about them. It's been about a year since I had an incident where I ended up in the hospital after cutting my throat and hand/arm with a cooking knife. I had to have hand surgery, partly because I severed a tendon. I also severed one of my jugular veins (I missed my carotid artery). I regret that I forced emergency services to have to intervene, and the hospital workers had to stitch me up because I'm a dumbass. Sometimes I wish I had cut my carotid artery. Mostly I don't.

I feel for you, and I hope things get better for you. I hate that you're going through this.

 

[111688]

ok, remember that your brain has to level out its kind of a rollercoaster and its hard but if you realize this during a time of bad thoughts, understand the thoughts arent yours, theyre just passing through. also, dont get offended or closed minded ok, but i might suggest asking Jesus for help when the thoughts happen. The bible says that our hearts are deceitful above all, and our thoughts arent ours. the good thoughts are actually apparently God. im very new to all of this info but its very helpful soemtimes. sorry if thats not what youre into but you know, sometimes its worth trying new things here and there

best of luck

btw i relate. i have horrible compulsive issues and many other issues alongside those, which include intrusive thoughts and TWO jukeboxes playing music all the time9two different songs playing together at once, yea) SIMULTANIOUSLY with the intrusive thoughts and flashbacks. so i am right here with you believe me.

 

[111688]

Unfortunately I don’t really function too well at the moment. I get hung up on stupid concepts in my mind, it makes no sense and that’s what pisses me off about it, the thoughts are not rational at all. They tend to revolve around me having committed some kind of offense, it’s hard to explain. Despite not having done anything whatsoever. When I was younger the thoughts were more predictable, and are getting stranger and stranger. For example, I’m an atheist, and several years ago a thought would come in like “you are a Muslim” or “you are a jehovas witness.” Then I would mentally repeat things like “no I’m not, I hate that shit,” etc. My latest issue has been feeling like I’m obligated to sympathize with people who I don’t respect. Doesn’t sound like a big deal but it causes a lot of distress. Other intrusive thoughts I had when I was younger was that someday I would kill someone, or kill myself, which are more typical OCD type thoughts.

Often times I can’t deal with people when they are too loud. Not really a phobia, but I get really bothered by the talking. I hate peoples politics as well and get really irritated and disgusted by it. A lot of rage built up I would say. Don’t like people much at all, although I wouldn’t consider myself a malicious person necessarily.

omg im feeling the same, always worried that im gonna kill myself one day. thought i was alone on that. im sorry for all this tyoure going through! shits awful