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Advice How do you cope with the fact that your loved ones are on their way out?

iridescentblack

iridescentblack

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Oct 12, 2015
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Loved ones... particularly fathers and mothers or brothers, sisters or cousins...

I have recently been becoming more aware that my father is losing his memories. My mother has already lost most of her hearing, and all the while-while becoming more sensitive to the topic, lately been taking on responsibilities that my father would normally take care of concerning my mental illness.

I get that there's a positive spiritual role in this stuff, where a person remains a positive attitude while hoping to relish in the knowledge that their folks have,

But I've been starting to think as I see the reality and can't help but cry by myself, hiding my feelings about this from them. I suppose it's one way of coping and it helps to get me centered to prepare for the role of caring for them in their higher years.

What to do?
 
My dad has dementia/ARBD and is at the very end - bedridden, unable to speak, being fed mainly liquids, etc. It's tough going emotionally, especially wondering what's going through his mind at this stage, but it's not like there's another option.

He's been in a care home for the last 3 years, but I did care for him for a couple of years before that and that's just something you get used to and, looking back on it, I'm happy I could help him.
 
what helped me cope/get through the day; think of all the good times you had. i often found myself wanting to break down totally at random, I would be sheathing a roof and boom instant heartache feeling as though it was yesterday. but thinking about a talk you had with them, a moment of bonding. My dad found out he had terminal lung cancer (2 years after the docs diagnosed him with copd and told him go home your fine) he was diagnosed in september and couldnt start treatment until October they didnt think he was even gonna make it, he kept going right from 2018 to passing end of october last year, got to meet my 2 kids. we told him my gf was pregnant the day he gave us the news so the whole thing was a trip haha. but almost year later, still hurts like it did, my advice is dont waste today and tomorrow worrying about whats coming and just take them as they are, i wasted 4 years worrying about tomorrow and when the day came, 4 years of building my defences and walls were shattered instantaneously. think of things they taught you, stories they shared, not sure your situation but me having 4 and 2 year old help distract
 
Same, their nervous systems are coming under the shelling of the aging process.

I try to spend time with them, engage in stimulating conversation, take them for walks, play chess or cards with them;

Keep their minds as active and as cognitively functional as possible.

I also discuss choices of medication and their health care protocols.
 
bruc3countybandit said:
my advice is dont waste today and tomorrow worrying about whats coming and just take them as they are, i wasted 4 years worrying about tomorrow and when the day came, 4 years of building my defences and walls were shattered instantaneously. think of things they taught you, stories they shared,
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this

great advice
 
Yer, my brother went overnight at 33yo.

My parents are 80ish and my mother's a total bitch, so there won't be much love lost there. There will be $$$ though and I can't pretend I don't need/want it.

My dad's nice but has his own life and is fitter than some people in their 20s.

That's all I've got in the way of family.
 
Cope ...well you spend as much time as you can or are able to...while they are here they are here.Dont consume your thoughts with whats on the horizon ...live for today for them and yourself.I looked after my mum for 8 years with dementia...its was hard.Would i do it again if I had the chance (she passed away 3 years ago) in a blink of an eye.As crazy and hearbreaking at times it was time was precious and well spent.Sometimes in life you just have to step up and do whats needed ....or let strangers take over. ...which didnt even come into thought .Anyways all the best for those in similar situations ...do the best you can ...whatever choices you make .....peace to all
 
iridescentblack said:
I have recently been becoming more aware that my father is losing his memories. My mother has already lost most of her hearing
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My parents are similar! My dad is so forgetful, it worries me (he went shopping, came home immediately, and forgot there was food in the trunk of his car.) My mom just got hearing aids, hopefully they will help (she joked to me that there are perks to having a deaf daughter; when we go to plays and stuff where there is an interpreter, she can utilize those services too, because she knows ASL!)

For me, I’m just tryna be helpful to them, enjoy my time with them (that’s a tall order sometimes, my mom is getting bitchier as she gets older) and make good memories with them. My children wouldn’t be as happy and successful as they are now if not for the stabilizing impact of my parents. I should appreciate that.
 
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