actually you're in a better place regarding the guilt than you may realize. at least they KNOW and are actively helping to get you clean- though it may seem painful to watch them go through motions you don't think your ready for, the alternative is living a lie around them while fighting the battle alone.
we are here for you either way.
I have to agree with this. That you still feel some guilt about what you're doing is a good sign. That people are still trying to persuade you to get clean is also a good sign - it means you haven't irrevocably burned bridges with them yet and that they will likely support you in trying to get clean if you try to do so soon.
No-one can make you ready to get clean, but you'll find it a whole lot harder if you put it off until everyone has cut you out of their lives and no-one is willing to re-engage with you until after you have a lot of clean time behind you (if then). It's definitely not going to be easier down the track when you've alienated everyone completely.
If you're not ready to try any kind of rehab again (and personally, I don't think it's a good idea unless you actually WANT to get clean because when you half-ass it and do it with no commitment you set yourself up for failure), then maybe a therapist who specialises in motivational interviewing could help you.
Your DoC appears to be opiates, which gives you a lot of treatment options. The thing you need to wrap your head around right now is what's making you resistant to the idea of getting clean. It's hard to overcome that if you don't know exactly what's causing your resistance. At least once you know, you're in a better place to make choices.
A word of warning, though. Don't assume that if you continue on your current path you'll be able to eventually heal any relationships you break along the way. You will almost certainly break some relationships irretrievably.
Not all styles of treatment suit all people. There might be rehab programmes which are better for you than the one you tried previously, but they're all going to involve some serious work on your part. When you're ready, try to be honest with yourself about the type of programme you think would work best for you. It's tempting to go for something short, but that can be a risky strategy as it takes time to learn how to cope with life without drugs and to deal with any underlying issues you might have been using drugs to mask.
You mentioned that all of your friends are pressuring you, which suggests you've changed in ways they don't like. I'm curious about whether you still believe there are lines you won't cross or places you won't end up if you continue using. Even when we're already suffering negative consequences from our addictions, we often manage to convince ourselves that we'll never suffer "really" bad consequences (however we define that) or end up with our lives totally shattered. once again, motivational interviewing can help you become aware of those kinds of beliefs.
You don't have to make a decision today, but please think about making one soon.
