Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
not talking about first time talking a drug because I started at 15 or so.
the addiction to not become "addiction" till about the age of 18-21 before going to jail for roughly 3 years total; total time after release and all took about 7 years and I HAD TO BE CLEAN THROUGHOUT. they made me wear a PATCH on my shoulder which had to be changed weekly, so it was a 24/7 drug test. I choose this because I could NOT piss in a cup and anytime I did not piss in a cup they counted it as a failed test, so I went to the judge and they gave me this.
anyway, the day finally came and I only had a few months left on parole; they knocked me over to another office and gave me the lowest called color since I NEVER FAILED once test all throughout. I was an "addict" but far from the junkie I later become.
at this point I was about 27 and was friends with a local dude (lived near me) who I met at a sober house I was released to (the house was not near neither of our houses but we stuck together and both went in for the same thing). once both our colors dropped, it came to mind right away, that we should get fucked up. so we went out that night and bought a 12 pack and said fuck it, lets drink. we drank, but it wasnt our thing.
this was in 2007, so around that time 30's were big; he could get some but I was scared still; I just went through hell and back w/ the court system but my color was called so few and far between that there were days I didnt call and never had a worry; eventually, they took me off completely because I did so well; this was 6 months prior to wrapping up. well, I figured I'd grab an 80 (which were still around) and did 1/4. well, I did that 20MG and LIT UP! so swallowed another 20! at this point in life I actually have been doing well, have been out about 1.5, have a career in hand, no worries no problems. money has been being saved, the company I was working for had no clue about my past and never ran a background check. I even made up a company I worked for based on time I was "missing". everything worked out in my favor and things were on my side.
as time slowly passed and I would do 1-2 80's a week, the kid who WAS my friend started DEALING; then all of a sudden they were all over me all day, every day. well, the money started to go over to drugs, drugs and more drugs. the mind started to leave the GF and just go toward the drug. I somehow still had enough savings and made enough where I was able to make a move with the GF and move into a new apartment complex/building and got a new job w/ a HIGHER SALARY and better commissions in the recruiting field; hey, this sounds great, doenst it? well, it was great because it took me away from those 80's for a bit, but they ended up getting X'd out completely and 30's have come around. well, I didnt want no 30MG perc, I was THE MAN and needed an 80 or nothing. but, one of the dudes who reported to me at this new place happen to sell 30's and the convo once came up at lunch how we were both past addicts; well, we were both lying because we both were current addicts just talking about past life. before that lunch ended I bought 3 30's just to get me through the day. those were gone within 15 minutes. the next day - same thing. next day!? same thing. next day!? same thing. this went on for 6 months and I could not stop. some days I would only do 3 to get by and other days I would squeeze in 10 if it was closer to my "check day" because I only got paid every other week. things started to get bad and I knew it but I still had a job in a corporate office and and I knew it would all be OK.
so, one night I am driving home and I am "drunk" but not too bad. well, I was taking a right onto a street I lived on and I had a seizure behind the wheel; however, I had a few drinks, so the cops took it as a DUI - which, yes, it easily could have been but its not the reason why it happened; I later come to find out I have a brain tumor. this was back in 09. also, the person I once worked with I no longer did because I could no longer get there; I had to go back to my old guy but my old guy only sold something new - DOPE! he said 30's were NOTHING and price were rising and this new stuff is so much cheaper and better. w/o and thinking twice, like most SHOULD, I said YES, come by. I spent weekend in jail and had withdrawals like a madman and was fiending. I got that dope and barely knew how to use it. I split my gram up into 8 lines and sniffed 2 out of the 8 lines. as time wen tout I sniffed 4 out of 8, 6 out of 8, and before you knew it I'd sniff a whole G. so now what? well, I need 2 G's. that only lasted so long because I was collecting unemployment and had no other sources, so what do I do!? SHOOT IT, right? because people say it hits you that much stronger and lasts that much longer. so I ended up doing that because people said it was the "right" thing to do for someone like me; I dont blame them at all because I was doing it regardless of what anyone said; its why I hate when parents/friends blame "dealers" for OD's; an addict is going to use regardless of who supplies them that day; could be the same dude as always or it could be the guy down the "spot" because he had no on else.
since 09, I have OD'd (hospital wise) at least 4x's. I have OD'd (home wise) a million times where I'd wake up on the floor 5-10hrs later w/o a clue as to what happened). also, since then, the longest I stayed "clean" for is 3 weeks w/o a drug in my body besides Suboxone. sad to say, but I CANNOT believe anyone could stay fully sober at this point; I am just to used to drugs that I would feel "off" not being on those drugs. make sense?
I am from Boston where the fent is ALL OVER THE PLACE: the dope I buy is pure white; so its mostly fent; plus, I get tested for it always and it comes up.. ALWAYS! but I love it and the brown stuff just doesnt do what it once did; also, like I said, the brown I could shoot in 2-3 shots for a full G; the white will take me 8-10 shots for a G - sounds like a no brainier, right? but I see in the paper and everyday in the news to watch out for the fent being passed around, blah blah. not only that, but I swallow Gabapentin, Xanax and Seroquel w/ the dope before bed; I see people die from that daily but to me its just how I live; I've been doing it for so long I feel it just cannot kill me. DUMB TO SAY; ill probably die tonight. but I feel many people on here are younger type addicts who have no been battling as long or have done as much but I get scared listening to others but here I am doing it BY MYSELF ALWAYS! I only had 1 GF do it with me and I hated it; I had to watch over here; not everyone can take the fent w/ ease; they seem to nod quick, esp. if they are not used to it. she was one of them girls and it drove me crazy. but for me, its just like breakfast, man. I can shoot .2 and go out and run a marathon, or go out and work my 9-5 and put up the best day possible (thats w/ 2-3 more shots while at work). usually w/ a G it will only last me 5 hours if I am trying to finish it quick, which I am mostly because I cannot hold on to dope, but sometimes at work I need to chill, ya know!?
I am coming off 6 months of somewhat clean (few slip ups, as I said, but best I've been in years". but I got bad news health wise and I have used for 5 or 6 days straight of G of fent stuff each day; just blasting old times. I feel like shit/great doing it but I just cant believe I put myself back to where I was; I wanted to be DEAD at this time last year and here I am putting myself right back where I DONT BELONG!
just miserable, man.
sorry for rant at end about my life.. BUT, how did your DRUG ADDICTION START! day 1 of your 365 days straight. how did you know? could you feel it coming? when did you accept it? are you still going strong? do you take break? see, for LEGIT 3 years I NEVER took a break; I didnt have suboxone nor would I buy any; I had the money and I bought a gram a day and would shoot it every fucking day. nothing but dope mattered; I didnt have money to do anything else or care for anyone else but I just paid rent and shot dope; somehow NEVER pissed a rent of phone bill but yet shot a gram a day for 3 years. its sad because I am broke nowadays and I can easily see why but its just sickening as I sit here and read this story of my life. I just shot fent 15 mins ago and made me SICK rather than happy.
I dont know, but tell me your story.
the addiction to not become "addiction" till about the age of 18-21 before going to jail for roughly 3 years total; total time after release and all took about 7 years and I HAD TO BE CLEAN THROUGHOUT. they made me wear a PATCH on my shoulder which had to be changed weekly, so it was a 24/7 drug test. I choose this because I could NOT piss in a cup and anytime I did not piss in a cup they counted it as a failed test, so I went to the judge and they gave me this.
anyway, the day finally came and I only had a few months left on parole; they knocked me over to another office and gave me the lowest called color since I NEVER FAILED once test all throughout. I was an "addict" but far from the junkie I later become.
at this point I was about 27 and was friends with a local dude (lived near me) who I met at a sober house I was released to (the house was not near neither of our houses but we stuck together and both went in for the same thing). once both our colors dropped, it came to mind right away, that we should get fucked up. so we went out that night and bought a 12 pack and said fuck it, lets drink. we drank, but it wasnt our thing.
this was in 2007, so around that time 30's were big; he could get some but I was scared still; I just went through hell and back w/ the court system but my color was called so few and far between that there were days I didnt call and never had a worry; eventually, they took me off completely because I did so well; this was 6 months prior to wrapping up. well, I figured I'd grab an 80 (which were still around) and did 1/4. well, I did that 20MG and LIT UP! so swallowed another 20! at this point in life I actually have been doing well, have been out about 1.5, have a career in hand, no worries no problems. money has been being saved, the company I was working for had no clue about my past and never ran a background check. I even made up a company I worked for based on time I was "missing". everything worked out in my favor and things were on my side.
as time slowly passed and I would do 1-2 80's a week, the kid who WAS my friend started DEALING; then all of a sudden they were all over me all day, every day. well, the money started to go over to drugs, drugs and more drugs. the mind started to leave the GF and just go toward the drug. I somehow still had enough savings and made enough where I was able to make a move with the GF and move into a new apartment complex/building and got a new job w/ a HIGHER SALARY and better commissions in the recruiting field; hey, this sounds great, doenst it? well, it was great because it took me away from those 80's for a bit, but they ended up getting X'd out completely and 30's have come around. well, I didnt want no 30MG perc, I was THE MAN and needed an 80 or nothing. but, one of the dudes who reported to me at this new place happen to sell 30's and the convo once came up at lunch how we were both past addicts; well, we were both lying because we both were current addicts just talking about past life. before that lunch ended I bought 3 30's just to get me through the day. those were gone within 15 minutes. the next day - same thing. next day!? same thing. next day!? same thing. this went on for 6 months and I could not stop. some days I would only do 3 to get by and other days I would squeeze in 10 if it was closer to my "check day" because I only got paid every other week. things started to get bad and I knew it but I still had a job in a corporate office and and I knew it would all be OK.
so, one night I am driving home and I am "drunk" but not too bad. well, I was taking a right onto a street I lived on and I had a seizure behind the wheel; however, I had a few drinks, so the cops took it as a DUI - which, yes, it easily could have been but its not the reason why it happened; I later come to find out I have a brain tumor. this was back in 09. also, the person I once worked with I no longer did because I could no longer get there; I had to go back to my old guy but my old guy only sold something new - DOPE! he said 30's were NOTHING and price were rising and this new stuff is so much cheaper and better. w/o and thinking twice, like most SHOULD, I said YES, come by. I spent weekend in jail and had withdrawals like a madman and was fiending. I got that dope and barely knew how to use it. I split my gram up into 8 lines and sniffed 2 out of the 8 lines. as time wen tout I sniffed 4 out of 8, 6 out of 8, and before you knew it I'd sniff a whole G. so now what? well, I need 2 G's. that only lasted so long because I was collecting unemployment and had no other sources, so what do I do!? SHOOT IT, right? because people say it hits you that much stronger and lasts that much longer. so I ended up doing that because people said it was the "right" thing to do for someone like me; I dont blame them at all because I was doing it regardless of what anyone said; its why I hate when parents/friends blame "dealers" for OD's; an addict is going to use regardless of who supplies them that day; could be the same dude as always or it could be the guy down the "spot" because he had no on else.
since 09, I have OD'd (hospital wise) at least 4x's. I have OD'd (home wise) a million times where I'd wake up on the floor 5-10hrs later w/o a clue as to what happened). also, since then, the longest I stayed "clean" for is 3 weeks w/o a drug in my body besides Suboxone. sad to say, but I CANNOT believe anyone could stay fully sober at this point; I am just to used to drugs that I would feel "off" not being on those drugs. make sense?
I am from Boston where the fent is ALL OVER THE PLACE: the dope I buy is pure white; so its mostly fent; plus, I get tested for it always and it comes up.. ALWAYS! but I love it and the brown stuff just doesnt do what it once did; also, like I said, the brown I could shoot in 2-3 shots for a full G; the white will take me 8-10 shots for a G - sounds like a no brainier, right? but I see in the paper and everyday in the news to watch out for the fent being passed around, blah blah. not only that, but I swallow Gabapentin, Xanax and Seroquel w/ the dope before bed; I see people die from that daily but to me its just how I live; I've been doing it for so long I feel it just cannot kill me. DUMB TO SAY; ill probably die tonight. but I feel many people on here are younger type addicts who have no been battling as long or have done as much but I get scared listening to others but here I am doing it BY MYSELF ALWAYS! I only had 1 GF do it with me and I hated it; I had to watch over here; not everyone can take the fent w/ ease; they seem to nod quick, esp. if they are not used to it. she was one of them girls and it drove me crazy. but for me, its just like breakfast, man. I can shoot .2 and go out and run a marathon, or go out and work my 9-5 and put up the best day possible (thats w/ 2-3 more shots while at work). usually w/ a G it will only last me 5 hours if I am trying to finish it quick, which I am mostly because I cannot hold on to dope, but sometimes at work I need to chill, ya know!?
I am coming off 6 months of somewhat clean (few slip ups, as I said, but best I've been in years". but I got bad news health wise and I have used for 5 or 6 days straight of G of fent stuff each day; just blasting old times. I feel like shit/great doing it but I just cant believe I put myself back to where I was; I wanted to be DEAD at this time last year and here I am putting myself right back where I DONT BELONG!
just miserable, man.
sorry for rant at end about my life.. BUT, how did your DRUG ADDICTION START! day 1 of your 365 days straight. how did you know? could you feel it coming? when did you accept it? are you still going strong? do you take break? see, for LEGIT 3 years I NEVER took a break; I didnt have suboxone nor would I buy any; I had the money and I bought a gram a day and would shoot it every fucking day. nothing but dope mattered; I didnt have money to do anything else or care for anyone else but I just paid rent and shot dope; somehow NEVER pissed a rent of phone bill but yet shot a gram a day for 3 years. its sad because I am broke nowadays and I can easily see why but its just sickening as I sit here and read this story of my life. I just shot fent 15 mins ago and made me SICK rather than happy.
I dont know, but tell me your story.
