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How can I learn to hold on to money?

lasthurrah19

lasthurrah19

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 15, 2009
Messages
565
Location
South FL
I'm an opiate addict, but I'm not currently dependent and haven't been for like a year, and then was on Suboxone for 8 months before then. I had been using like 1-2 times per months, but it was just a psychological thing as I didn't get high and always felt like I wasted my money - we're talking one or two 30mg pills at a time. Last time I did this was New Year's Day, and before that was some time in November.

My problem is I know if I hang on to money, I'll spend it on opiates. I just got a new phone number and none of my dealers know it. I'm going to destroy my old phone, and I don't know any of their numbers by heart. I'm disabled and my mom is my payee, meaning she doles out my money to me. Whenever I get money from her, which is usually $20 or $40, I have to spend it right away, I can't hold onto it or I WILL get some oxy or whatever. I've been modulating a little with a JWH blend, and I'm OK with using that for now if it keeps me away from opiates.

For example, I got $40 a bit ago. I bought a packet of the blend I use, $15 in gas and two packs of cigs. I didn't really need the gas desperately, but I knew I'd spend it no matter what.

Anyone have any tips with this? If I had access to my money, I'd be fucked, and I already live month to month with medical bills etc. I'm able to hold onto cash when it's given to me the day before for a doctor appt. (it's easier for me to pay in cash, no questions about why the check is signed by someone else).

Anyone have any tips on hanging on to cash? How do you keep it and not relapse, and also not be anxious as fuck the whole time because you know you could get high? It's insane how I haven't gotten proper high for more than a year and I still feel compelled to use amounts that do barely anything. It's also annoying that I have to rely on my mom on short notice if I feel like going out to eat or something since I don't/feel like I can't hold onto anything but a few dollars. This doesn't happen very often, but it's not fair to her, either.

Sometimes I ask her to get me a gas card instead of cash, and this helps a little, but then I can't use it for anything else - so I need some cash anyway. Prepaid Visa/MC credit cards might be a good idea, but my mom used to be afraid that I'd trade those for drugs and I doubt she'd be okay with it now - besides, I very well might trade it for drugs. It'd be easy to get away with that once or twice.

Thanks.
 
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You sound like you're on the right track to me. I pre-pay pretty much everything possible - my electricity, phone, internet, natural gas, etc - so that whatever cash I have left is both limited and truly mine to spend. It doesn't guarantee that I won't spend what's left recklessly, but it means that no essentials will be going unpaid if I do.

Do you have Visa/Mastercard debit cards where you are? With one of these your mum could transfer money to the card instantly when really need it so that you're not walking around with cash looking for something to spend it on impulsively.
 
It sounds like your fully aware of your own situation and you already know what you need to do. Spending whatever cash you get on drugs and trying to save up money are not things you can do at the same time. You need to prioritise and make sacrifices for the better good.

Even if its just psychological addiction it can still do a lot of damage to your finances, so I would suggest find a less expensive hobby to get your mind off opiates just until you save up enough cash to use on more constructive things .
 
Okay I had/have a similar problem and what I'm anout to suggest may sound a little weird!

BUT I did this:

I got a 2 litre coke bottle and cut the top off just enough so all the denominations of coin that we have will fit through the gap. Then, whenever I have money that I know I don't actually NEED I will get it changed into smaller denominations.

i.e £5 note turned into 5/10p coins and then place them in the coke bottle. trust me, you have to be pretty determined to get them out of there once they are in :P and even if you do get them out you might need to change them up before you can spend them (Ialot of places/dealers may be apprehensive if you turn up with a bag full of coincs :P)

At to fight the urge, I have taken up exercising again which is a GREAT stress reliever (maybe you could use the money saved for gym membership/exercise equipment) I noticed you mentioned you said you were disabled but I have heard it said that something like wateraerobics is great for people with disabilities (I'm not sure of your degree of mobility so you would have to consider what would be a realistic option for you).

Also, thinking of all the money you're saving in itself can be a great motivator in itself not to spend it, and when you have enough, you can change it up at a bank and buy a treat for yourself.

give it a try, I hope it helps you out, it's working great for me so far :)
 
Let a family member or loved one hold onto your money (that is, if they don't have a drug habit).

I know people who do this, there is no shame in it. Some people just like to spend money on whatever too much.

Lastly, quit smoking cigarettes. You will save a lot of money. :D
 
lasthurrah19, have you ever hit a very pronounced rock bottom? (You needn't say what it is. Merely think for a moment.)

I say this because up until I had hit two very pronounced rock bottoms in one year, I had much more of a problem hanging onto money. If you have ever experienced anything that really hurts you emotionally as a result of your opiate problem, I would seriously suggest that you think of that issue every time you accumulate cash, or anything that you could trade for drug money. This technique does not work for everyone, but if you have really hit a rock bottom, it should help. Once we associate the drug use with that negative experience, we often think "Why the fuck did I spend my money for THAT?"

If you have never hit that previously stated 'rock bottom', think about the fact that (in your own words), you 'haven't gotten a proper high for more than a year'. If you are given a legitimately small amount of money, think for a second about how dissatisfied you may be with that high (if you were to spend it on drugs). Next, think about something else that you LOVE that costs the same exact amount of money as the amount you would be spending on drugs. Really think about this. You may think at first that you want 'nothing' as much as you want the drugs. That may, in fact, be true. Even then, think about it more. Think about the things you would spend your money on if you were wealthy as hell and had money for drugs AND other items. What are some of the items you would buy? What are the items you did buy before you started buying drugs? What was/is your passion?

Consider the negative consequences of opiate abuse. Consider something you want that costs the same amount of money again—without the negative consequences of opiate abuse. Example: Say you absolutely love the fettuccine alfredo at the restaurant down the street. Or maybe your favourite clothing store is having a sale, and the shirt you have been wanting for ages is finally affordable. Maybe you love to sew, maybe you love to write, maybe you play video games...within the real you, you like something other than drugs. Focus on that 'something'.

Say you were given $20. Now, think about that drug use one more time. Would $20 worth of pills that will just leave you dissatisfied and yearning for more, REALLY be worth it? After all those negative consequences that you KNOW exist. Perhaps you have seen them, perhaps you haven't. You KNOW they are there. Now, think about those items valued at the same monetary cost that will not potentially ruin your life and leave you in the same spot one month...possibly even years from now.

I know this all sounds bizarre as hell, but this has worked for me time and time again. For a while, I started to really fixate my brain on other things I like other than drugs. I did this because I knew I had $175 sitting in an easily accessible place. I knew how high that amount could get me, but I had replaced drugs in my mind with so many other things that eventually I was able to just hold onto the cash without immediately spending it on something else. Granted, I am not perfect when it comes to my drug use. This is merely a technique that has helped me get over the compulsion to spend money on drugs and only drugs. It has also helped me not use as often. The way I see it, if this helps you to only prolong your drug use, that is still much better than using every single time you have the funds.

I've found it's a lot like reprogramming your brain. Sort of with a bit of word association tied in, also. Now, I am able to have cash sit around for quite some time. I have dealers willing to cut me a lot of slack in the money area...and I've never had a dealer that did not drive to me. With that said, the fact that I associated 'drug use' with negative experiences and reprogrammed myself to see money as a tool to buy other things that I love...really helped me beat my compulsion to spend all my money on drugs.

Best of luck! =D
 
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Hey, thanks everyone.

I think the biggest problem here is that I don't have many other interests, I do play guitar and am a songwriter but that's about it. I'm just starting to re-enter life so to speak, I had an extremely traumatic childhood followed by 4+ living with a sexual predator from 15-19 years old. I got right into drugs when I got away from him, and then since I got away from drugs as a full time career so to speak, I have been in therapy for awhile and I'm just starting to get stable enough that I don't have to worry about being on the edge of suicidal behavior and/or hospitalization, and other things of that nature.

I need to start volunteering or something, it's just hard for me because people ask normal questions that are hard for me to answer without explaining more than is necessary... like "where do you work?" - I mean I can lie, and I do lie sometimes, but it makes me uncomfortable. Plus scars from self harm make me self conscious. I could go on this line of thinking for a while but the fact is I have had 'rock bottoms' so to speak where I did shitty stuff to my family and I never want to do those things again. I just need to condition myself to not associate money with drugs... somehow.

Thanks again guys, I'll be thinking about the posts and advice.
 
Make a list of the things you would need money for that aren't drugs.

Have your mum dole out your funds but subtract a fraction to save for you.
 
lasthurrah19 said:
Hey, thanks everyone.

I think the biggest problem here is that I don't have many other interests, I do play guitar and am a songwriter but that's about it. I'm just starting to re-enter life so to speak, I had an extremely traumatic childhood followed by 4+ living with a sexual predator from 15-19 years old. I got right into drugs when I got away from him, and then since I got away from drugs as a full time career so to speak, I have been in therapy for awhile and I'm just starting to get stable enough that I don't have to worry about being on the edge of suicidal behavior and/or hospitalization, and other things of that nature.
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I am so sorry to hear this; best of luck.
 
Thanks Captain.H. I'm gonna be okay. I started looking at some of my earlier posts on bluelight and I can totally see how far I've come. I had to stop. Progress in this kind of thing is slow and considering everything I'm doing pretty well. I also find some solace in that I don't think there is any worse hell that I could ever experience. So the worst is over.
I think I'm going to post a thread about revenge, this has been on my mind lately and it's one of those things that keeps me holding onto the past. He's still out there and the FBI says they are watching him (this is not a delusion, I have spoken to them several times), but fuck if it doesn't piss me off that short of killing him myself he will continue to hurt people especially but not only children. (Note, I'm not going to kill him or interact with him at all unless he goes on trial)
 
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