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Mental Health How addicted am I and how should I get off?

Z

Zigba

Greenlighter
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Jun 17, 2016
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I've been a fan of bluelight for years and it's helped me help my friend to be safe. But I couldn't find a forum regarding specific questions so I finally signed up.

I had major surgery a couple months ago. They put me on IV dilaudid, then sent me home on 6mgs every 4 hours as needed. (he's had about 200 4mg pills prescribed) I am still in pain and actually love the sense of well-being it gives me (especially since I am going through some rough personal stuff right now) but I want to come off dilaudid as it's interfering with my life, having to dose every 6 or so hours to get away from the near crippling ailments of withdrawal (migranes, severe muscles ache and fatigue, ANXIETY, depression, lack of motivation and agitation). It's really quite awful. The most I tried to go without was 12hours, I always give in. Morally it's effected me too. I actually took pills from relatives. And now I have started to plug as much as 4mg, as it's better on my stomach, gives a quicker cleaner high, and makes my meds last longer.

The question I'm asking is, is am I "severely" addicted? How long(ish) do I have to endure the really, really awful withdrawal symptoms. Because to be honest, I'm pretty scared. And does anyone have any tips for me?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I edited your post. We do not write about drug use in the third person. I moved this to other drugs for you.

Yes you are addicted. It does sound severe since you are stealing from your relatives. Look into rehab or detox run by medical professionals. Good luck.
 
You would do good in an inpatient hospital. You have to really take a look at the symptoms going on around you. I would find a excellent doctor and deal with it. It doesn't sound like it will get better. Hard love.
 
I agree. Though, I just want to put it out there that inpatient places tend not to be the best environment, as a lot of the people there still actively promote/talk about drug use and use and abuse can be quite common inpatient too. You should consider this and know beforehand so you can be prepared for it and do your best to avoid it. If you think your addiction is severe enough - which it sounds like it is -it's probably the best first step, especially if you've never gone through this experience before, as you can end up getting stuck in an incessant loop of trying to quit and then giving into the the withdrawals and starting the cycle all over again. Having immediate access to peer/professional help makes a world a difference than toughing it out alone. The withdrawals will be bad, but you can taper yourself down by breaking the pills to lessen the severity. That's about all you can do, without using medications to mitigate the symptoms. You should see your doctor and be honest as there are pharmacological options that greatly diminish the harshness of the withdrawals. Here's a good article that outlines the withdrawal syndrome and its "phases':

http://www.alltreatment.com/heroin-withdrawal-timeline
 
if you weren't stealing from relatives and just taking them as prescribed i'd say you were just physically dependent vs being addicted but since you stated what you did I would say you're addicted. so you've been taking dilaudid for several months daily, i would say your withdrawals will last a good 5 to 10 days for the worst of it. hasn't your doctor hinted at lowering your dosage yet? if not, why not suggest that you're ready to get off the dilaudid? mention to him that you've missed a dose here and there and experienced very uncomfortable withdrawals. tell him you want off the meds but based on what you experienced are very scared to experience those withdrawals again and you'd like to taper off possibly using something that has a little longer half life. the ups and downs of dilaudid is not fun at all as it doesn't last all that long. i'm not neccessarily suggesting methadone or suboxone but maybe there's something else i don't know. you just need to be honest with your doctor but i wouldn't tell him you're addicted, just tell him you want off but are scared to experience withdrawals like you have from missing doses here and there.
 
You definitely have problems based on your story. One question though. Are you young? First off, you got to stop the, what shall we call it, moral corrupt behavior. This behavior could lead down some bad roads fast if not taken hand of.

It is normal to experience physical withdrawal symptoms are taking pain medication for longer times. You should talk with your doctors about tapering slowly of your meds lowering the withdrawal symptoms to a minimum. But it sounds like you have to address some psychological stuff as well.
 
The one positive in this terrible situation is that hydromorphone has a short half life. So although your withdrawal may be really intense, it won't be drawn out for weeks like some longer half life opiods, such as methadone or buprenorphine. I personally use a long acting benzodiazepine such as Diazepam or Chlordiazepoxide (in extreme moderation), and do not mix your hydrmorphone with the benzos. Take some Imodium, and ride it out buddy. It's worth the temporary discomfort. Wish you well!
 
You my friend are addicted and dependent.

Admit to yourself that fact and the healing can begin.

The first step I would take is acquiring some comfort meds. Benzos and clonidine are good for this. There are some supplements that will help as well. Magnessium, l-theanine, and a little bit of chocolate will do you some good.

The real hard part is what to do after you detox. I have detoxed many times under lots of different circumstances, the worst being psych ward, the best being a good psych ward. You are going to need to work on the things that make you want to use. Ask yourself the question why you get such benefit from opiates. Then when you have the answers you can work on them.
 
mazda01 said:
if you weren't stealing from relatives and just taking them as prescribed i'd say you were just physically dependent vs being addicted but since you stated what you did I would say you're addicted. so you've been taking dilaudid for several months daily, i would say your withdrawals will last a good 5 to 10 days for the worst of it. hasn't your doctor hinted at lowering your dosage yet? if not, why not suggest that you're ready to get off the dilaudid? mention to him that you've missed a dose here and there and experienced very uncomfortable withdrawals. tell him you want off the meds but based on what you experienced are very scared to experience those withdrawals again and you'd like to taper off possibly using something that has a little longer half life. the ups and downs of dilaudid is not fun at all as it doesn't last all that long. i'm not neccessarily suggesting methadone or suboxone but maybe there's something else i don't know. you just need to be honest with your doctor but i wouldn't tell him you're addicted, just tell him you want off but are scared to experience withdrawals like you have from missing doses here and there.
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In theory that works great in reality doctors can be assholes. Admitting addiction to a prescribing doctor has never gone well for me.
 
You're in a position that a great mny pain patients are also in. Opiates= releif however also tolerance/dependency/addiction issues. If you are able to, get a medical detox as it's the safest way to get off of any drug. Barring that option, I would taper myself slowly, but have somone else very trusted(if this is possible)controlling the dose strictly. As has been said, Hydromorphone has a short half-life, so it's basically like a heroin kick, gruesome but quick. However, with a proper taper, and comfort meds little discomfort should be had. It's a great idea to nip this in the bud before you get to the point of a sky-high tolerance, and not many scripts nowadays will hold you then for the whole month anyway. And if in the future you do still need meds to deal with pain, there are lesser known options other than opioids, and also you can use methods to mitigate tolerance if you do need opioids.
 
Yeah virtually everyone I have heard starting to wonder whether they are too far in, are basically addicted and dependent and more or less late asking. You are no exception.

It is no shame, wanting to be pain-free for example is human, and doing what we think we must to survive is, too. But whether you let it go way too far or step in and let yourself be helped can make a world of difference. The real success story relatively is not letting it get too far, getting help, and making coming back from this the least dramatic it has to be.

I've been through detoxes, recover the soonest you can because putting it off will only make things worse. Instead you will thank yourself when putting up a fight against it and not becoming a slave to it too long or too hard. I don't want to think about having to work through this kind of shit when going so far that there is not a lot of hope left to work with. It's okay to have to fight - that's life - just make sure you are in time to make it a winning fight.
 
DON'T go to rehab/inpatient treatment anything like that. you will be marked as an addict forever and will never in your lifetime be able to get pain treatment again. do as others suggested, talk to your doctor. tell him you've tried missing doses and you've suffered unbearable withdrawal symptoms and it scares you that you seem to be dependent on the dilaudid, tell him that you want his/her help tapering off slowly so you won't suffer so much, but that you definitely want OFF of them because you feel like the pills are messing w/ your life -- having to take them every few hours or be in agony etc. do not mention "addiction." use the word "dependence."
you sound like you've been caught in a cyclical trap that many pain patients have been caught in at one point or another. there is a way out. at this point the best way out is w/ your doctors help.
best of luck, truly.
 
Sounds pretty severe. Better to catch it and deal with it now rather than later. You'll save yourself a lot of time, money, and energy.
 
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