hoping for a little family advice...

[me9943]

hey bluelight, still kind of new here, figuring this would be the right place to post this...
i was hoping you guys could give me a little insight on an ongoing issue i've been having, i'm not sure where else to turn. my mother has been sick in bed on and off for most of my life...she gets terrible migraine headaches, throws up alot, has trouble eating, etc., and has bad depression. as a result of these symptoms she is unable (or perhaps unwilling) to get out of bed about 75% of days. she has seen countless doctors, tried every different treatment in the book, had many long stays in hospitals, even recieved ECT more times then should be possible. she is also on a ton of prescribed medications, from painkillers to benzos to antidepressants to anti psychotics. the story is the same every time-the treatments will work for a month or so, then she will be sick again. all she ever seems to talk about is her newest treatment, how much pain shes in, her meds, etc...

i have a personal theory that she is masking her emotional problems through taking all these medications. i think that she has become afraid to face life without doctors telling her what to do, and pills making her feel certain ways. i have been trying to explain this to her, that i think she needs to get off all the pills and start living life for herself instead of doctors, and making more of an effort to try to see the good in life. she denies that she is addicted to taking the pills, and still mantains that she is trying to keep herself healthy, but to be honest i have seen nothing confirming this. (and im 18 and live at home with her)

however, lately it has become difficult for me to talk to her without becoming very angry. i relapsed on IV heroin about 6 months ago and have recently been trying to get off it but having trouble. is it wrong for me to say this stuff to my mother, since i have been using myself? i know that i kind of use because it masks everyday life, and i have anxiety issues, so i kind of like that....
but do you bluelighters have any insight on how i can try to get my mother to see where i'm coming from? its so clear to me that she is only living life according to how doctors tell her, and that is no way to live. i just am not sure how to talk to her anymore, and i want so badly to have her healthy and seeing the light again.
any input would be appreciated! thanks!

 

[tommy34]

I'm sorry to hear that. It is extremely hard to watch a loved one suffer like that. Its hard to give advise when I don't know what you've already said to your mother but here goes... Tell her that you love her an how much it hurts to see her suffer. Offer her emotional support and help in finding alternative treatments. If she has been relying on doctors for at least 18 years an nothing has improved then they obviously aren't going to. I hope this helps an your situation improves significantly in the near future.

 

[MindOverMethadone]

I'm sorry to hear that. It is extremely hard to watch a loved one suffer like that. Its hard to give advise when I don't know what you've already said to your mother but here goes... Tell her that you love her an how much it hurts to see her suffer. Offer her emotional support and help in finding alternative treatments. If she has been relying on doctors for at least 18 years an nothing has improved then they obviously aren't going to. I hope this helps an your situation improves significantly in the near future.

Agreed. The fact that people tend to ignore is that there are alternative to pain meds and anti-depressants. It's to each his/her own, but in her case, seems like she's afraid to get off the meds due to dependence. As I always say, you have to take care of yourself first before you take care of others. But i sympathize with you :/ It sucks, a lot, seeing a loved one in physical AND emotional pain. Give her an ultimatum, tell her about your heroin problem, tell her you want to get help with her together. It might be hard but life is short. Father time is cruel to us all. If you don't act now, it may be too late. I hope I'm not being too rash. I just want what's best for everyone, and that's the truth.

 

[me9943]

thankyou for the kind words, i know that all i can really do is try to talk to her about it, but maybe if i am open with her and tell her about my own usage we can talk about getting clean together.... life sure is a crazy thing huh

 

[Asclepius]

ME: It is really admirable that you are so concerned about your Mother like this.
Obviously it is very difficult and frustrating for you to have to deal with your own and also your Mother's problem.
You are wise enough to see how she is struggling and dependent on Doctors and Pill's...I dont think you can change peoples minds/will but no doubt your genuine concern is something that will influence her in a positive way. However you struggling ATM is priority...it is no good trying to fix your Mum without you taking care of your own well-being first(I know that you know this already , but it has to be said over and over )
Can I ask you, does she know/sense anything about your own addiction?
I'd imagine it might be best for you to deal with your own struggle first and when things are getting better then tell her the full story.
I think you could allude to your problems, without getting into any nitty- gritty stuff(because of her depression) Her knowing that you need her might be an imputus for her or it may overwhelm her...its hard to know hun?
Is there any trustworthy Person/Clinician/Other that you could talk this over with?
I really hope your own recovery goes well for you darlin'...you seem like such a kind person who has had too much thrown on their shoulders from such a young age...hope you get proper help for yourself and dont fall into selling yourself short of looking for real, genuine help to carry you forward like your Mam has fallen into(but hopefully she and you will come out of).
Please keep us posted, there is alot of help and acceptance for you on here

When you tot up your posts, feel free to pm me. There is, like I said alot of other good people on here who will give you good advice and/or support!