Here I go: Quitting H

[Sjors]

Hi guys,

Since I am new I will briefly introduce myself. I am a student from Holland, 23 years old. I have a long and extensive history of drug use, starting with weed at the age of 13, getting addicted to GHB when i was 19, to cocaine when i was 21 and now, for 1 year, I am a H addict.

I already beat a heavy cocaine addiction. When I was 20, my father died. Since he died very unexpected, he did not had anything sorted out with his stocks from the family company which he owned, and I became the owner of a $100.000.000+ company.
With this money, I could do anything I wanted. So what did I want? A DB9, a 599 and lots lots lots of cocaine. I sniffed around the world.
But, as my mother and the advocate of my father and of the company got to know this, i agreed to give all the stocks to my mother and let her do my financials. I pulled out $750000, so that i could have some fun.
A full year everything went well. Then I got bored. A friend of me got me some Heroin, and from day 1 I was a daily user (smoking). A lot of shit happened, and now, I am here: high as fuck and rehab awaits me tomorrow.

I did not know heroine would get me more depressed then GHB and cocaine combined. I refused to go to a glamoureus rehab. I will go to a normal rehab so that the consequenses of my addiction will be fully visible to me (and I started to hate people with money along the years).

Although all this, I need the support of people who understand me. Please guys, wish me luck. I will need it.

 

[cancer]

Good luck man. I know it's hard losing a father, mine died when I was 20 too and he had a drug addiction before I was old enough to tell. It can feed into itself and makes the pains of addiction that much worse. You'll be okay, just try really hard to stay away.

 

[burntserkits]

I wish you the best as well. I truly hope you are serious about getting clean or you are not going to be successful in your recovery. Opiates are very hard to kick but with a strong mind and determination you can overcome them....

 

[Pomplemous]

*just singing* You can do anything you want to, all you gotta do is try...' The Verve

Good Luck mate.

Visualise YOU sober - what will your life be, what do you do? You know you're going to crave sometimes, what will you do to resist that? What things do you like when you are sober? What is a typical day for you not high? Visualise it all, then when it happens, your brain already has a thought pattern to follow and you wont feel so lost if you DO feel lost then .

Plus then it becomes something to look forward to - you've got a goal and you've seen the winning post .

 

[ShAYZoN]

Good luck dude I'm trying to get clean to from amps and xtc and weed it's hard... Relapsed today smoking again..but I'm going to rehab soon!

 

[Sjors]

Thx guys! It is strange how the support of complete strangers on the internet do make me feel better.

My GHB addiction was also very serious. I reached the point where I would dose myself with 12 ml 54% GHB, still not feeling better but just passing out al the time.

I dont know what it is with me and drugs. I always have been the guy who was seeking extremes and who was doing things on the edge. You know, things like:
- my tennis teacher did not want to train me anymore because the only thing i tried was to hit him in the face with the ball. I was 12 then.
- i had a piano teacher. He was half german. At the age of 11, I managed it to make him cry and drive home, he never got back. Till this day, I still hate German people who try to talk dutch .
- I always had trouble at school. From stealing shit from the school, to driving a scooter in the gymnastic hall, to blowing up a container, to setting fire in the class room.

And what I think is also typically me, is that I always found my heroes in self destructive people like Herman Brood (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfxMHMT0zFI, skip to 5:00), keith richards, enz..
Why do I always feel attracted to these kind of people? Although I come from a home where money never has been a thing to worry about for generations, my friends are all 'real' people (if you catch my drift). I never have been interested in people without life bagage, and I now find myself in the strange situation of getting arrogant because I know what the dark side of the drug scene is.
Does anyone recognize this?
Men i could talk for hours..

 

[Jabberwocky]

As you can see money can't solve health problems but can rather destroy it to say the least.

It's good that you are admitting your problems, the next issues will be overcoming it. This unfortunately can take years as your past is something that you cannot overide in a day or a year to say the least. From my personal experiences of still trying to overcome depression, I would suggest try and do a lot of positive things, so that you become more aware that you then have a new life etc.

Exploration of life truly sucks and in a way its good to see that you have had your mid life crisis at a young age rather then in your 30's / 40's when you may have a family. Hopefully you use some of these experiences to better educate your family one day or those around you or perhaps now you know the best of both worlds, in which case what will you do? All in all if you go down the positive road now you will always be able to understand those in less fortunate circumstances which is never a bad thing.

 

[Sjors]

Failed

 

[Z Y G G Y]

can u elaborate? What do you mean failed?

The most important thing is to keep trying. IF you set yourself a goal and it didn't go as planned, the best thing you can do is learn from the experience. Get yourself a notebook and write about this experience. Write down what happened, why you failed, analyze this situation as much as you can. It will really help you with the next time you try to quit.

Quitting opiates is not easy. I doubt there are more than a handful of people who quit on their first try. For most of us it takes a lot of tries, tens, hundreds sometimes.

You might want to think about suboxone or methadone for the time you can not quit using. You will have an opiate in your system and won't have to go through w/d and at the same time you will be able to slowly get your life back. I am currently on methadone for pain and for addiction and my life has never been better. I am so glad I'm still alive. I am taking constant steps to improve my life. I have a notebook where I keep daily goals and long term goals and where I analyze situations. I try to stay active by regurarly biking, roller blading, swimming, going for walks or any other physcia activity (limited by pregnancy). I set daily goals for myself and try to meet them.

It's important to have a balance of these three things: physical, spiritual and mental. In order to be a complete hman being and feel well it is important to work on those three things. Physical by keeping active physically. Mental by keeping stresss to a minimum and finding ways to keep mentally healthy. Spiritual by having a connection with your spirutuality. It's different for everyone. You can go to church or just meditate at home.

It's also important for you to keep your word. You are nothing without your word. If you promise something to someone, do everything to keep that promise.

Life after heroin addiction really is possible. Just take steps each day. At first they will be little steps that will get more complex over time.

Good luck. I hope something I said helped you in some way.

 

[Mariposa]

^That is really good advice, Zyggy.

Sjors, welcome. I've never kicked heroin (never got involved w/that scene) but I recently kicked tramadol at home, as rehab is not an option for me. I have kept my word to myself not to use it or substitute another opioid for it. It's not been easy.

Shows that money cannot buy happiness, doesn't it?

I am also sorry to hear of the loss of your Dad. It is up to you now to get clean, to get your finances back in order. I wish you the best of luck, a warm welcome to BL, and we'll see you on a brighter side with your well-being and sanity more than intact.

 

[dishearten]

hon, i truly commend you for first admitting you have a problem with heroin. and second, actually doing something about it, and third-- being able to afford and/or have the insurance possible to do so.
if you want this, you will get through it.
you have to take every single step they tell you to because even though it may seem rediculous, they are the professionals and mostly recovering addicts aswell.
so hopefully you will do that.
if you truly want to stop heroin, you have to take this step if you cannot detox on your own which is a bitch in itself.
the best thing is being under a doctors care, because detox can kill you.

i really wish i could do the same, but i have no coverage at the moment and just taking one day at a time and tapering off with pain killers and have been off dope for a week.

but honestly, the therapy you will receive is very important-- stay active and your recovery will be a success!

good luck!

 

[Sjors]

Thx for all your replies, they really cheer me up. You are all wonderfull people.

I think that there is something not balanced in my brain. I do have a opiate addiction at this time, but I think that heroin could be changed with any kind of chemical. I for some reason constantly crave for drugs.

What I will do is now is first beat this physical H addiction. Afther this is done, I think I will try baclofen. I have read a lot about this and hopefully it will make the craving for a fuddle (?,freetranslation.com) go away.

I will be back soon and post some experiences and more details of my story.

Stay save,
Sjors

 

[rant*N*rave]

You're gonna feel like crap for a while, but it's totally worth it. Just remind yourself when you're feeling shitty and want to relapse, you'll feel much better once you get clean. If you *want* to change, you can.