OP, I'm sure we'd all love an update. I see your original post was your first post ever.
Is there any substance (ab)use involved in this?
The most important thing to remember is your son. If you kill yourself, you're basically going to destroy him as well. I've been semi-suicidal for years and even if I decide to go through with it, I still can't, because my parents are alive. I can't do that to them. Suicide is not an option for me because of that.
In the same vein, suicide is not an option for you as long as your son is alive.
Keep reaching out to us for support. And there is a wealth of suicide support within reach as well. If it's that bad, please reach out to dedicated suicide/crisis workers in addition to your friends here at BL.