Bupe HELP WITH SUB; story within.. CANNOT seem to feel better after two months.

[dishearten]

let me try and get somewhat comfortable to write all this..
i'm an avid surfer on this site but cannot at all have ever been able to find any post about this certain thing.

i have been a user of very hard opiates for about 7 years, maybe more.. some of you might even already know my story.
i tried the methadone shit, bounced right back after two hard years of struggle staying on it and the crap it did to me with the seizures which has left me permanently epileptic.
i dont know if it matters but i already am under doctors care with (severe depression, anxiety, seizure, post traumatic stress, and my heart) medication.. it's so hard dealing with everything, even now.
every year it winds up with me in isolation and an iv in my arm along with my severe eating disorder that makes me incredibly weak as it is, but something happened to me this past summer..

first of all, you must know that i have been on OP for many many years.. and i wound up this past summer getting raped and pregnant and i lost the baby.
it sincerely killed me inside, i found myself doing more.. drinking more.. nobody knew where i was, isolation is a huge part of my depression that i have been battling for about all this life.

once my sanity came around sometimes i knew i needed to get sober.
i wanted to so badly get on sub and i just needed to find it.. and luckily i did. it has been two months now and the whole time i have been taking about a 6th or less of an 8mg a day, the first month seemed to go fine. now this second month is much different, i cannot eat due to many reasons.. (getting sober, no support, and of course my eating problem).
now i find myself pretty much all day with no energy which was the complete opposite in the beginning of my "beginning".. that, and im getting cold and hot sweats and i dont know whats going on with me. i know im taking very little of it, but i didnt want to be hooked i just wanted to live the life i have wasted.. this makes me feel worthless.

what am i doing wrong..?

 

[Mr.Scagnattie]

You may just not be taking enough or your symptoms have nothing to do with the suboxone and are a result of emotional stress and your mental issues.

 

[RedRum OG]

^this

also, sub doesnt work for a lot of people who have been on strong opiates (especially methadone) for a long time, it is a partial agonist and realistically only has the potential to cover so much as far as physical and mental aspect of coming off other stronger opiates.

maybe add some other meds on top of the sub, anti depressants, or something for anxiety, or something, talk to a doc man, get some help for yourself

also maybe try going to NA meetings, just for the supportive community there, and to talk off some of your problems

nothing is going to fix itself, you have to be active to heal. also nothing is instant, youve been addicted for a long time, its going to take a long time to normalize.

good luck, well all know how painful dealing with mental issues along with trying to get sober can be. try out "the dark side" here on bluelight for more help, there are some great people there

 

[citizenuzi]

While strange, the way to find out is simple (provided the information presented is correct). Increase your sub dose. You're saying 1/6th of 8mg daily, so bump to 1/4 or even 1/3rd or so and see. It'd be ideal to wait a few days at this increased dose just in case. If you don't feel better, there likely isn't much to be gained by taking more, so look somewhere else.

 

[dishearten]

Thank you,
I appreciate you reading my post..
Thing is, i am already prescribed heavy doses of Prozac, alprazolam, mini press, trileptal, propanol, adderall, etc.. All for my anxiety, depression, isolation, abuse, ptsd, heart and seizures, and so on...

I know my mental state is beating me down and its so hard, i have no support and have also been a self harmer for over half my life and at 24, i want to live.... Not ignore the fact that I'm dying.

I used to feel beautiful, then it all turned to nothing.
Thats why i really feel the subs would help get me going toward the path to inner and outer beauty..

Last month i had all this energy and was painting and was writing a shit load again and continuing my book,
Now this month im like non existent..i dont know whats going on.
I dont crave often, never really had.. Just used for escape from too much.. I just think and dream about all the former abuse and can't get shit out of my head, hence why I'm medicated.

I want to continue my life, i want those things ive worked so hard to get be worth it.. Like my degrees.. I want to keep acting and doing my modeling... Today however, i feel useless and the abuse continues.
Ugh, i dont know whats wrong with me.

I know the opiates were wrong to push back everything I've been through, but I'm trying so hard to make it right. I know it isn't an instant fix ever and i do love NA but one thing i really question is when will this horrible feeling stop, the oh shit here comes the hot sweats and ugh now im freezing. What the fuck! It's really driving me mad.


Thank you though, so much...
I hope with what I've filled you and everyone else in on will help.

Much love, dishearten