Mental Health Help with OCD

manboychef

Bluelighter
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May 15, 2013
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central florida
Lately I have noticed that certain thoughts that are tied to things that happened in my life are causing a problem in my relationship. Yes something did happen between my SO and I but it brings up thoughts of things that have happened in previous relationships that I cannot get out of my head. Basically, I have a problem trusting that is innate within me, and I tend to blow things out of proportion due to my inability to stop thinking about possible bad outcomes. Does anyone have any suggestions on how not to be so paranoid and constantly check up on them?
 
This has been a very destructive force in my life as well. I also see it as the most destructive force in many people I know so I think it is very common. You've already taken step 1 which is recognizing that your own problematic relationship to trust causes you to project that out onto others. I think it is just a slow, tedious process of untangling and working your way back. When did it start? What caused it? Sometimes you can't even really answer that question because perhaps you were an infant. Still, staying focused on how it is your own thoughts that undermine your present life gives you something to work with. Just stay at it, it gets easier and easier to let go of the useless pessimism. Did you see the movie, Bridge of Spies? I have now internalized that great repeated line by the Russian spy every time Hanks asked him if he was scared or worried. He always answered quite rationally and calmly, almost as if he were sincerely curious, "Would it help?"=D
 
Trust and obsession are huge problems for me. I spent the last 3 years in and out of rehab just observing myself, I worked out where the truth issues stem from. This last time trying to change my life around I tried to connect with all these people to have conversations surrounding my trust issues and situations in which they had a big impact on myself and others. These are situations I obsess about and I was so close to having those conversations, I saw them as something tangible, an end to a chapter and that was letting go for me. All of that was taken away from me to spite me. I don't think peopke realize exactly how important that was for me. Now I obsess about how I almost let go of the memories that haunt my mind and justify my curent self loathing, anxiety issues. I'm not really sure how to find inner peace now because I invested so much emotionally into that.

I gave control to other people and they took it and kept it but I guess I learned never to give control to other people, never to have those expectations of others because I can and will be let down. It's just that I obsessed about these things to the point of being psychotic and delusional and im not really sure how to move forward. I've been totally and completely dysfunctional over it.
 
I feel for you liga. It is hard to not obsess about past transgressions and how they have affected you. With OCD quite a bit of the time things that other people can shrug off stick with us and shape the way our disorder effects us.

For example: My ex was a cheater, a liar, a user, and she constantly made me feel like shit about myself. There are so many things that I want to say to her, but I know it falls on deaf ears. I can only accept that those things happened and move on from them. Unfortunately for me I am driven by precedents and silly rules. Those thoughts and feelings I have towards her are slowly seeping into my current relationship...and yes something happened that reminded me of how things were, but I need to give my SO the benefit of the doubt. I will never know what exactly happened and I can obsess and ask questions all I want, but it only hurts me and makes her feel sheepish. All I can do is come to a place that I can accept what happened and that I will have to be okay with moving forward without knowing if I want to stay with her.

My lack of trust in people comes from how I was raised. The people you are supposed to be able to rely on were pretty shitty to me. I became angry and I learned that it is better to protect my heart rather than express how I feel. The things that happened growing up caused me to always expect the worst to happen in any situation. I guess I don't trust because growing up I could only really trust myself and my brother.
 
My parents were very verbally and emotionally abusive. My parents divorced when I was three. My mom, whom was good to my brother and I sent us to live with our dad not knowing how bad it would get. I felt abandoned. As time wore on I was no longer allowed to visit my mother. I was trapped. Feeling trapped is never a good feeling for someone during their formative years.

There are a lot of instances that stick in my mind and I try my hardest not to allow them to hurt me anymore.
 
I'm sorry. I don't really want to get into it. It was really not that bad in the long run, but it did make me have certain feelings that I dislike.
 
No problem... That's fine, but it does make it hard to determine whether you're being paranoid or if you have reason to be. FWIW I don't trust a lot of people anymore. Wish I had some better advice.
 
This is a miserable beast of a thing, isn't it? Aside from all the classics like looking inward and such, the only thing that's helped me tremendously is to taper off of benzodiazepines. I've been on them for years and never abused them, however, I went from being fine to being near neurotic. The obsessive thoughts only came about in the last couple years and were completely non-linear. I couldn't figure out what caused such a shift from "normal" to raving bitch until I started tapering. I'm almost done and the difference in my overall attitude on the days I don't take them is a welcome respite. My on days are actually more anxiety producing than my off days.

If you haven't already, maybe it's worth considering the medications you may be taking.
 
I quit the benzos about six months ago. I only take them very rarely now. Less then twice a month.

Yeah it helped a lot to stop those because they are not sustainable long term if you take them daily. I have actually switched up my medications. What I am on is helpful. My real problem is I hate uncertainty. Part of how I experience OCD is that I become worried by change. I also become worried by not knowing something especially if it is important to my relationship, and the sustainability of said relationship.
 
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