Help! Please... i cant resist temptation/cravings when i have money!

[3D13SEL]

Hi everyone, i'm new here (as a poster) but from what i've seen on this site throughout the years it has TONS of potential for good outcomes as well as bad ones but that doesn't concern me right now
I NEED HELP! I don't believe i need rehab again. I can stay clean for months if i don't have money on me. In fact, without money i BARELY even think of my DOC (heroin, cocaine)... Distance also helps a LITTLE. So for the last year or more I've just been dabbling. I havent binged or even done enough to withdrawl. Its like an itch that i have to scratch like twice a month. I use to live in abandoned houses in the freezing cold, now i have a good job with great people and a room that i rent BUT FOR 3+ YEARS, ONE PROBLEM REMAINS, UNCONQUERED, and its really getting me. THE PROBLEM = $20 OR MORE IN MY POCKET! I've realized for like 2 years now that MONEY is a huge trigger and a MAJOR PROBLEM for me. I always feel stupid afterwards because i have no food or cigs or anything else that i knew i would need, even shoes or clothes?. After feeling that way I ALWAYS tell myself I WILL WIN THE NEXT BATTLE and next time i have money I WILL PROVE TO MYSELF IM STRONG ENOUGH! I think these thoughts with COMPLETE CONFIDENCE and although i always fail, every next time i believe it again. Its getting to be personal. I WANT so bad to PROVE TO MYSELF THAT I CAN HOLD MY OWN MONEY AND RESIST THE DEVIL'S WHISPERS IN MY EAR AND KNOCKING AY MY DOOR. THE DEVIL IS RELENTLESS AND WON'T GIVE UP OR STOP OR EVEN SLOW DOWN! (Except when i have say $10 or less) KNOW THERE IS A WAY OR AN ANSWER but I NEED TO FIGURE IT OUT NOW! I Get my first check on Wednesday.
I appreciate everyones thoughts on this situation. Please help and if you need any additional information i'll provide it in replys.

 

[hotfriesmmm]

Yeah as long as your in control of your finances and in active addiction, more than likely you will get high. That what we do as addicts. You could ask someone to help assist you in your finances, chances are you will still find a way to get high.

 

[Stargazer]

Hey 3D!

Our struggles are similar. I'm fighting myself as Im typing this. All day, I've been going back and forth.

What In trying to think about is how shitty it is (and embarrassing and humiliating), when I'm starving, etc. With no money.

Is there anyone you can trust to hold your money? And is able to say no to you? Even if you badger them?

All I can say is, it seems to slowly improve. It used to be a given that I wouldn't stop until my money was completely gone. Now, I usually keep some, but it's still far from enough.

Getting involved in recovery would probably help though. Go to meetings you like, volunteer in causes that matter to you, etc. Free time + some money...yeah. Free, unstructered time might be part of the issue too. Just a thought.

 

[Optioidmistic]

I am dealing with the same. I send my direct deposit to my mom now and told her not to file it out to me unless she can verify it’s going to my living expenses. I still get high, but I have my bills and rent paid for now. Good luck. I can agree with you too that over time it improves if you keep trying and learning how to deal with yourself. Sucks having “fuck yourself over.”