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Help. i got a girl I work with preganant. She deceived me and told me she was on BC.

S

silverman

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 3, 2011
Messages
32
I don't know what to do. After a few successive drunken hook-ups, I broke it off with this girl and told her I am not looking for a relationship. I invited her to dinner the next night to make sure everything was still going to be cool with us working together and she told me she was pregnant. I didn't believe her at first but she is.

She told me she was on birth control too. Come to find out her last BC injection was six months ago. As much as I want to blame this all on her and throw accusations in her face, I know that i was stupid to not use protection in the first place. This is my fault too.

I do not want this baby. I am 28 years old, have a decent job, about to apply to a master's program and i live a stable life but i don not want this life long commitment nor do i want a permanent connection with my work-friend.

I am also an atheist so I have no moral objection.

She is not a bad person. Despite the evidence, I don't want to think that she did this on purpose. i also don't think she has slept with anyone else. but I am scared that she thinks that keeping this baby will somehow ensure that We will be in a committed relationship.

How do I deal with this? is trying to convince her to get an abortion the wrong thing to do? Should I date her so she feels secure with my company, therefore having no reason to have this child?



What do you think my obligation is to her?

I am frightened that i have fucked up my life that I have worked so hard to get back.
 
Wow. That definitely sucks. I don't think trying to convince her to an abortion is wrong. You should at least be able to voice your opinion. You need to talk to her, about what you what, what she wants. Have you ever talked about abortion with her before? Has she mentioned anything in passing, do you know her stance on it?

I'd try to talk to her about why you should not have this baby together. I am sure as a single women, having this baby is not ideal. Unfortunately, It is her choice. I also wouldn't start a relationship with someone you don't want to be with. It's fake and it's not for the right reasons. It actually could backfire on you.

Hope everything works out.
 
I don't really have sympathy for guys in this situation. If a guy has sex without a condom, he is basically expecting to get the girl pregnant.

Anyway, you can bring up abortion but don't try and convince her. Talk to her about it and see what her views are.
 
This happened to me one time too i was scareed shitless cuzz i was only 18. i thought i had scored when she toled me she was on birth control so i could come inside her which is fun but she was lying and her excuse was she was to drunk to remember she wasnt on it anymore. dumb slut. She was also very against abortion. There was also another possible dad so i started saving up for the dna test and then a couple weeks later she told me she miscarried. i consider that my only second chance and im never cummin inside a girl ever again.

but i know how you feel its a fucked up situation man good luck
 
This exact situation happened with two people I work with. She told him she was on BC but sure as shit, showed up pregnant a few weeks later.

I agree that you need to have a discussion with her, and understand where she stands on the issue, and let her know where you stand. If she is okay with an abortion, then there is your answer. However, if she is against it then, ultimately, it is her decision and she is going to keep the baby - and as long as she can prove genetically that you're the father, you're gonna get stuck with child support.

As shitty as it sounds, I would work on accepting this as a part of your life, and using the time until the baby is born to come to terms with it. No one says you need to marry this girl or be in a romantic relationship with her, your only real duty is to be a man and take responsibility for your actions and try to remain as civil as possible with her while supporting your child. Having a child unexpectedly is a scary thing, and no matter how old you are or how much money you make changes that.

From what I have seen with my peers who had children unexpectedly, everyone was scared and nervous, but once the baby comes that all melts away into a great joy. Having children is a blessing, even if you might not see it that way yet. I wouldn't necessarily rule this out as a life-ruining event, you might be surprised :)

If she decides to keep it and you truly want nothing to do with the baby, there are papers you can sign to terminate custody, and basically cut all ties with the baby and the mother, however, I'm not sure how they handle child support with this option.
 
This happened to a friend of mine with a woman he was at the time dating/sleeping with and they either had a condom break or she got pregnant with his precum as that does happen. They were in their late teens or early 20s and neither of them wanted to marry and neither could afford to raise kids. She had twins and they were given up for adoption. They have the type of adoption where they know they're adopted and once they're adults they'll easily be able to find out who their biological parents are if they want to do this.
 
Definitely don't try to force the idea of abortion on her. If she is open to it, she will probably bring it up. But forcing someone to make such a serious decision is not a good thing. I will never forget when I was 13 weeks pregnant how my son's father came yelling at me to "Just end it now!" and how his life was going to be ruined. I have never brought this up to him since, especially since he now has a decent relationship with the kiddo but still....

Having a kid definitely forces people to grow up.

But you don't have to go through the motions of having any type of committed relationship with her if you don't want to. I think if she chooses to keep the baby the best thing would be to try to have some kind of relationship with the child, however. As much as it seems like your life is ruined now, you just have to look at it as a bend in the path.
 
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llama112 said:
I don't really have sympathy for guys in this situation. If a guy has sex without a condom, he is basically expecting to get the girl pregnant.
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How the hell do you figure? She said that she was on birth control, and had she been, then it's very likely she would not have gotten pregnant.

That's like saying you don't feel bad for women who find themselves pregnant when a guy says he's using a condom, and then doesn't.
 
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^Don't expect women to be logically consistent when it comes to social responsiblity. If the sexes were reversed in this situation many women (and feminists of course) would be calling "rape". However if a man is deceived it is his own fault.

What do you think my obligation is to her?
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None, however you are about to find out that men have no reproductive rights even after being deceived.

Now, here's what you do. Make it understood to her that you won't be staying together and that you certainly won't be getting married and that there will not be any $$$. On the last point, the law is not on your side (even though she lied), but you can be a cock about it and draw that out. She just needs enough doubt in her mind and she will baulk, call her bluff. Always be confident and always speak in certain terms, don't be overly cocky, just matter of fact and keep a poker face. Offer an abortion, research where, how much and when it can happen in your area - make it as easy as possible for her, play good cop until she makes it clear that she isn't getting one or if she stalls. When you say that you are walking follow through with it, then she'll have an abortion.
 
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^ What you say and what you do are two different things.

You can't trust anyone but yourself. Make the smart choice and use a condom. It's as simple as that.

OP, you have the right to try to calmly explain your side and to try to convince her not to have the child. However, in the end, it's her decision and if she chooses to have the baby, then I guess it's a lesson you'll never forget.

Good luck.
 
beamers said:
^Don't expect women to be logically consistent when it comes to social responsiblity. If the sexes were reversed in this situation many women (and feminists of course) would be calling "rape". However if a man is deceived it is his own fault.
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It's true; when a man is deceived, he should have seen it coming and he should have done more to prevent it and he's just an idiot. But a woman? She's helpless, a victim, deserving of sympathy...

Someone needs to write a book on all of this someday soon. It's truly unbelievable...
 
My brother had finally gotten rid of his GF, three months later at a new years party she turns up like a bad penny. They hook up again & suprise--this time she hasn't been taking her pill like usual... Poor bastard is now on his 2nd kid & his common-law wife of 8 years is on continuas script of methyl-prednisolone, for a rare blood disorder black' wimmins can get. Anyhow the cortisone makes her very violent & that is just one of the more exciting features of long term use, she likes to punch my bro in the face/head and he has been very good not to punch her back tho he really! wants too. Just sayin, as he is self employed, he could have dumped her right at kid #1 and nobody could have garnished crap, he could have hid his income easy, I mean.
 
I don't think women generally are illogical in this situation (or any other) - there's no need to bring up gender and be disrespectful. Everyone is responsible for their own actions regardless of gender. Frankly if a guy told me he was wearing a condom and wasn't and I fell pregnant, I'd feel awfully stupid for not knowing or taking more of an interest, I certainly wouldn't play the victim game. Both parties need to take responsibility.

In any case, for the OP, this has happened so what's done is done. I can tell you that 'convincing' her to have an abortion is not only highly unlikely in the event she wants to keep the child but is also morally wrong. Unfair as it is, women do have the last say in this situation and I really don't see how else it could be? Should the man have the last say? It is the woman who carries the child physically and could be left with the child to raise herself. What if she has an abortion she didn’t want and suffers emotionally down the track – would you want to be responsible for that? To have such a negative impact in someone’s life?

What can I say, life sucks sometimes, to put a harsh spin on it. Things are going to happen to all of us which we don't expect or have any control over - serious illness, parents dying, loss of jobs and so forth. You just have to do your best to deal with it. I can also tell you from a woman's point of view that anybody falling pregnant unexpectedly would be going through all the options over and over - there's only 3 of them!

As others have said, I know a few people who've followed through with unplanned pregnancies and in every single case the father was emotionally connected to the child either from the later stages of the pregnancy or the birth. Mistakes happen and most of the time, people rally and do their best, nobody’s perfect.

In saying all that, you do have the right to discuss this with her and have your feelings and concerns respected and listened to. You don’t really know what she’s feeling either until you do.
 
Yes, well people lie. All the time. To be perfectly honestly I don't trust a lot of people, especially those I don't know very well. I will never understand why men believe women when they say they're on the pill, if I was in the guy's position I'd be wearing a condom for a) my own choices regarding unplanned pregnancy and b) to prevent STDs, especially with a casual partner.

No offence to you OP, I've believed people who've lied to me heaps of times and felt duped but what can I say? People shouldn't be trusted unless you really know them.

I really hope it works out for you, I just don't see any point in this he said/she said bollocks, and playing the blame game, it's pointless. Talk to her.
 
Just curious, is abortion something that can be outlined in a contract? In other words, could someone draw up a contract with a woman/man they are having sex with to outline what happens if one party were to get pregnant? Would a court actually honor it?
 
^Lol even if that was a legal possibility would any man on here bring a contract into the bedroom?

I would imagine the conversation going like this.

Man: "Listen before we get busy I need you to sign this."

Woman:"What is it?"

Man: "Oh it's just a contract that states that if you get pregnant you have to get an abortion."

Woman: "Ok I think I gotta go" or *SLAP*
 
freddy47 said:
^Lol even if that was a legal possibility would any man on here bring a contract into the bedroom?

I would imagine the conversation going like this.

Man: "Listen before we get busy I need you to sign this."

Woman:"What is it?"

Man: "Oh it's just a contract that states that if you get pregnant you have to get an abortion."

Woman: "Ok I think I gotta go" or *SLAP*
Click to expand...

If a girl really wants the cock she needs to sign on the dotted line :)
 
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