he will stop at nothing.

[xpensivtaste]

my best friend recently split up with her ex, i'm going to write a bit of background on him and the relationship:
he was an ex heroin addict who became a full time iv phet user with a pretty psychotic mind, violent, shameless and downright evil, they hit it somehow as he came across a pretty intriguing guy who just wanted to settle down and life a happy life....he changed his ways in the beginning or so she thought, it all went down hill pretty quickly, he began controlling her..was insanely jealous and carried on taking the drugs. she eventually couldnt take anymore! she also found out an ex had an injuction on him for harassment.

so its been about 5 weeks since they split and he's constantly made excuses to see her. she resisted at first only allowing him to come round to collect his things but he's began threatening her with some pretty evil shit. i cant really go into detail but he's threatened to ruin her life by making some very serious allegations about her parents which could cause a world of shit and he's threatened to do this on christmas day...among other threats also
so now he's got her on a piece of string cos she is too scared to rub him out of her life, too scared to go to the police incase he follows through on these threats.
tonight he has emailed me asking me if theres someone else and telling me to tell her he loves her and her kids and will never give up. he also left a facebook comment to my partner stating he needs to talk to him (which in his language would mean wants to beat him)

she is in tears constantly over this man, she doesnt want to be with him, she darnt ignore his calls or texts

i really want her to go to the police cos i think his threats are empty but he says to her he doesnt care if he goes to jail he's got nothing to live for without her.

he's showing no signs of getting bored if anything he's getting more desperate...e text her earlier tonight saying i want to talk to you i heard theres more to you splitting up with me than your letting on.....so she's going to ring him.
i just dunno what she can do to get him out of her life. he is one nasty piece of work

 

[Ds]

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i just dunno what she can do to get him out of her life. he is one nasty piece of work

tell her to just stop talking to him? file a police report if nessercery.

 

[clementines_ghost]

For some reason, in my younger days when I was dating, I frequently seemed to attract the eventual stalker. So I have a little experience with this kind of thing (although back then I was Skinhead/Straight Edge so I never did drugs, etc. and no one would've had anything to hold over me or threaten me with), but the absolute BEST advice I ever got was from a police detective friend who sort of took an interest in a stalker-y ex of mine and went and paid him a visit on his own time for me. Here it is: Engage & Enrage. Meaning, if you engage the stalker/person harassing you, you will, guaranteed, further enrage him. Your friend needs to go to ground, absolute radio silence. NO MORE ENGAGING HIM, at all. Period.

It's hard to do, because when you are engaging the psycho, you feel like you have some level of control, and to give that up is scary as hell ("OK, it's been 4 days and I haven't responded to his calls/texts, etc...what is he planning?"), but I've seen it over & over again. Engage & enrage. Tell her to go to ground and advise all her friends to do the same. Cut him off completely.

 

[xpensivtaste]

i totally agree with that engage/enrage. it was my advice to her but under the circumstances she feels she cant ignore him or he will go to the police and tear apart her family. i think they are empty threats but she wont take the risk she feels she must humour him atleast until the business with her family is resolved i must state the family problems that have occurred are none of his business but he can incriminate them by pretending her knows things he doesnt.

i wish it was that simple for her to just cut him off =( but thankyou.

 

[izzy66]

he sounds like a bully and is emotionally holding her hostage. with people like him once he's out the door, the door needs to be kept shut permanently. whatever he thinks he knows about her parents can't be worth all this turmoil. continuing to respond to his bullshit threats only encourages him to keep up the same behavior. time for a restraining order and you don't need a cop or lawyer to get one. a domestic violence advocate could give her a hand w/ the paperwork and explain the process.
best of luck
-izzy

 

[xpensivtaste]

thankyou he is...he has a gun against her head basically. her family is virtually at breaking point because of the problems and it would more than likely tip them over the edge....she cant talk to them about it.
i am forwarding all messages to her and hoping she will give it some thought