Haven't I had enough..

[wonderlost]

I am 20 days clean from a large amount of Percocet. Was abusing them for 4 years and have been though the withdraw before. When I decided that enough was enough, I planned for it. I use Kratom once a day to help with the bad withdraw, some stomach medicine and a medicine for restless leg syndrome from my doctor. Wasn't a walk in the park and man I wanted a pain pill but my mind was strong for once. I made it.

7 days ago my psychologist put me on Adderall (20mg twice a day) along with my Prozac which I have been on for awhile. I have always felt I had some ADHD so I was okay with this. Two days later though the urge to abuse my ADHD medicine was STRONG. I took an extra one convinced that it wasn't working. I then went camping and did some coke. I'm not a stranger to it but I really wanted to do it. It's been downhill with the urges for a buzz. Not for my pain medicine but wanting to take a lot of the Adderall. Actually went for some more coke for myself the other night which honestly buzzed me but bored me. I have never did something like that before. The next day it was the craving to take a lot of Adderall and wanting to smoke some weed ( I don't smoke weed. I actually dislike it) and I light up a cigarette when I have been smoke free for 5 years! Thank goodness it tasted gross.

I really don't know what to do. I feel like I'm missing something. I'm sure it is that high from the Percocet but I have no craving for the pills. I have been happy otherwise. Exercise, sleeping and having fun with my family so I am so confused why I feel like I'm having these strange impulses. Is this what happens after you give up years of never having to face anything sober?

Any advice on this would be amazing. I know my mind is dealing with this new drug Adderall and while I don't physical feel "high" I do feel it has been somewhat positive but can someone who has abused a prescription ever take something they need.

I like saying that I did it. I beat the Percocet hold. I just don't like thinking I'm on a fine line onto another addiction. What is going on?

 

[manboychef]

You are an addict. You are going to have trouble with most substances. In early recovery I would highly suggest staying abstinent from mind altering drugs for at least six months, lest you relapse. It sounds to me that you have the soul sickness that all addicts have...the desire to escape your feelings.

It is good you are recognizing these things in yourself and asking for help. Most people when they relapse early on are either too embarrassed, or unable to break the sway of the chemicals to turn themselves in (which is the best way to get help.). Never be ashamed if you use, it is a part of recovery. How you deal with it is what will save you.

I would suggest working on some continuing aftercare, be it therapy, meetings, IOP (intensive out patient treatment), or even just taking some addiction classes. This is helpful in early recovery until you get into a routine of not using. Consider this: You have been using for four years...chances are daily, it is not going to be twenty days that you will be able to break the desire to use and learn coping mechanisms for when you want to use.

Cravings pass fairly quickly if dealt with properly
Here are some craving coping mechanisms:

1.Call someone you trust that you can talk to till it passes. I have had to do this quite a bit.
2.Write in a journal. Write out your feelings, what led you to want to use. This will make a roadmap of your triggers.
3.Listen to a couple songs that do not remind you of drugs.
4.Do a little physical activity...pushups, jog the block a bit, or even just do jumping jacks. You will get some endorphins which will trigger the pleasure center of your brain which will take your mind off using.
5.Do a puzzle like a sudoku, word search, or a crossword. Taking your focus away from using really helps...plus as a bonus it has been proven that doing puzzles helps with Alzheimers later on.

These are just a few suggestions. You will need to find what works for you. I still would highly suggest making a list of your triggers and making an action plan for how you will deal with them when they come up. This is one of the cornerstones of the behavioral change model of recovery. You recognize a faulty thought pattern or action and then work on changing it. After a while it becomes second nature.

Good luck my friend, PM anytime you need.

 

[Dodger Guy LA]

Just know your are' t alone. I'm having issues myself but have kept contained so far. I have lumber back pain and disc disease and it comes in spirits ( one day good, one day horrible). This is the longest spurt yet. At the moment I haven't taken a pain pill in over a week but have had a few instancess where I was in pain and wanted one. It passed but the pain did not..
one moment at a time. Good job knowing where you stand! Great start.

 

[wonderlost]

I truly appreciate the replies. It is nice not to feel so alone.

Manboy-You are so right. Everyday (well almost) for 4 years I popped pill after pill. If I had a fight with the hubby or kids, I took a pill. If I was sleepy, I took the pill. If I was bored, I took a pill. I didn't think I would be healed over night but looking at it from that view, I guess I should be a little less hard on myself. I went most of the day without that intense craving. I am fighting myself about this Adderall. I'm on the fence if it is what I need in my life. I don't think I am in any position to know right from wrong with pills. I feel more focused and I'm not so over the place so I guess it is on track but another pill I'll probably end up abusing...OH WTF.

I never called myself an addict. I was raised country and we had a different view of an "addict." It was the person passed out in the doorway. Now I know it is people from all walks of life. I just never thought it would be me. Matter of fact, I think it was easier for me to get what drugs I wanted, when I wanted because I did have a back injury but I was a women with home and a family. I can't tell you how many times I thought "If they ask me if I am having any issues with my medicine, I'll fess up and get help" but no one ever did. I guess the signs have been there my whole life. Food, sex, shopping and other stuff, I always went passed that line. I guess being almost 40 it is time to open my eyes.
Monday, I plan to call the health center I was working with when I decided to quit. I just stopped going because they wanted to push Sub. I am thinking some OP therapy for drugs is what I need.

I think I need to start walking when I get this craving or color or scream...I don't know.

Doger- I am in almost the same boat as you. I also have those pains and I still get sore but Ibuprofen 600 helped. If I can be more honest, I think I'm in less physical pain now that I am off the pills. It is the mental that is kicking my behind. Like you said, One moment at a time. If you have a doctor and can be honest with them, they can find other way to help with the pain without the narcotic. I told my doctor I was tapering and asked for something to help with the restless legs at night and the pain. I believe it has played a very positive role in dropping that bad habit. I wish you the best for quitting and controlling the pain.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I would stop taking adderall, because it is giving you drug cravings. Amphetamine medications are not for everyone.

 

[Dodger Guy LA]

Doger- I am in almost the same boat as you. I also have those pains and I still get sore but Ibuprofen 600 helped. If I can be more honest, I think I'm in less physical pain now that I am off the pills. It is the mental that is kicking my behind. Like you said, One moment at a time. If you have a doctor and can be honest with them, they can find other way to help with the pain without the narcotic. I told my doctor I was tapering and asked for something to help with the restless legs at night and the pain. I believe it has played a very positive role in dropping that bad habit. I wish you the best for quitting and controlling the pain.

I needed to read this, thank you!

 

[manboychef]

Hey wonder: Check out hyperalgesia.

 

[wonderlost]

Wow, there is actually a word for it. Part of me suspected my pain medicine was tricking me into pain. I use to wake up in horrible pain. I couldn't walk or stand up straight for an hour. There last few weeks have been a whole different ball game. While I'm not the spring chicken I use to, I can wake and walk just fine now. It amazes me how strong a mind can be and can also be controlled. Thank You for the word for it. I have some reading to do.

 

[motiv311]

whats really ironic is that eventually pain medications/opiates will cause more pain than they prevent... and captain heroin is right.... adderall always causes ABNORMAL drug seeking behaviors I.E. you crave other drugs while you are on adderall.... also adderall will cause pain to go away while your on it, but make it worse after it wears off.

 

[wonderlost]

I missed the first reply about the Adderall. I'm sorry!
I have had these strange cravings for drugs (I did give into a little coke, some mushrooms and few puffs of a cigarette) after I partook in that the feelings for them passed. I figured it was my brain being sober and not knowing what to do since I have been hazed for years.
Would Adderall continue to have me craving these even after I gave in?
I'm at a crossroads with Adderall. I don't get some speedy feeling. What I get now is more focused and I'm able to think of a task and finish it without really thinking about it which tells me I'm getting the benefits of the Adderall but I'm a little nervous on the abusing part and another battle I may have down the road.
I also have been taking a dopamine called Pramipexole for the Restless Leg Syndrome that started up after I stopped taking the pain medicine while it has helped with that I am reading that this can cause impulse behavior. I truly don't know what to blame anything I have been dealing with on! Is it because I'm giving up opiates that I'm craving other drugs or is it these medicines. I know that results vary but if anyone has some thought on this, I would love to hear it.
I am planning on getting into some out patient drug therapy tomorrow but I really find the advice of those that have been though this first hand, more of a benefit.