PotatoMan
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2013
- Messages
- 10,969
So I'm 18 years old and have done a variety of drugs mostly within the last 3 years. I went through phases of my life from depression to anxiety to insomnia to basket-case behavior. I must say I am much better now as I am gearing up for school more than likely in Fl as my parents made it very clear to me that I must clean up my act if I wish for them to invest into my education. So after my last high fueled uppers binge where I quite possibly came very close to cardiovascular damage and stroking ta fack out, I realized that it was time to clean my jeans up.
Ever since that binge I've only had "acid", DXM, Cocaine, Xanax(for planes), Tramacet(to kill my script), Vyvanse and currently nipping on Valium. Of course there's the pot smoking and irregular cigarette habit that isn't my concern at this time. I quit taking untested MDxx/Ecstasy since my last roll which was too overwhelming followed by the worst comedown I've experienced to this day. I've quit fucking around with the drugs that I've considered to have drained my soul. This will be the opiate use and reckless benzo consumption along with several ambien nights. Those days made me cold and down and damaged my personality but one day I took my first Hallucinogen, DXM.
Now when I tell you my 2nd DXM trip (600mg) completely restored the emotions I had lost from the reckless pharmaceutical binges that could have taken my life on 2 separate occasions. I was able to appreciate my parents and sisters and generally my entire family realized that I had begun to recover. Now I'm not saying I was some kind of addict who had so much to deal with and such but my curiosities definitely landed me in a very dark place that I don't think I was dealing with properly. I used to drink alcohol and sob alone in my room and then pop benzos to stfu my thoughts and go underwater where time stood still.
Since that DXM trip I learned that these hallucinogens can maybe help my troubles. I then tried LSD several times and throughout those trips learned much more about myself and God whom I had abandoned at the age of 16 during my codeine phase. I learned that I could control my happiness and reality and yada yada..
To the point now, when I used to obtain said pharms I'd write a name on you know what and give it to the pharmacist to obtain my pills. The name I used was "Michael Stevens". Now it has become clear to me in a recent DMT trip that he still exists in my life. Yes I labeled him as my alter-ego that was reckless with drugs of all kinds and considered him a demon. I accepted him tho, as I love myself and regret none of what I've experienced.
I would think Michael was gone or at least on a vacation since I quit recklessly doing pharms but along came Charlie. Cocaine I have been using very rarely for party fun and have had a few mediocre times with it and recently a glowing experience via the PO ROA. On my first DMT trip as (the recent one I was talking about) I basically had my trip separated into 2 segments.
1- Michael's happiness
2- My happiness
I listened to Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd for the first segment of the trip and I was in a dimly lit bar drinking scotch on the rocks being served by a woman while I sat amongst these dark figures that I could only perceive to be my demons. I was extremely happy the entire time. Like the peak of my happiness. Pink Floyd was performing in the bar and hot waitresses were walking by with big tits serving drinks.
I summarized this segment as my vice happiness.
The second segment of the trip was when the song changed to a song I classify to be nice to listen to whilst driving and behold I landed In a convertible car with a beautiful blonde woman, young like me, sitting beside me smiling in her sun hat and ray-ban shades while I drove down the cliche desert road, listening to the song playing, at the peak of the day's light completely happy thinking that this is what I want, I want to be this happy and share my happiness with the woman of my dreams.
I summarized this segment as my overall happiness.
So In conclusion there is 2 sides of me that still exists today. Michael dwells in me waiting for the first drop of alcohol or anything to lower my inhibitions to take advantage of the situation and break free of the cage I keep him in, and when he comes out, he goes hard in the muthafuckin' paint bruh.
My concern? Well I will be going to Fl for university! Need I say more? I need to either murder this vicy alter-ego or lock him up with a big fuckin' lock. All that american pussy, pills, pools of booze and powders will burn me out if Michael isn't contained. I struggle with keeping him at bay as it is but I must say I'm going very well as most of my family has seen the most positive change in me since I first tried weed when I was 15.
Long story short I want to confront Michael via high dosed DXM as it has helped me in the past and I'm thinking of a dose of 750mg-1g. I've experienced loss of sense of self on 600mg and it definitely helped me through my dark time.
What do you guys think? I'm not crazy right? One of my friend's Michael (lol) told me that it was a good thing that I identified my alter-ego as it's separate entity. I plan on extracting it into a purer form to avoid the nasties but I don't mind purging.
Yes I know me n Michael are theoretically the same people but I'm more referring to a part of my self when I talk about him as if he isn't me in this post
Ever since that binge I've only had "acid", DXM, Cocaine, Xanax(for planes), Tramacet(to kill my script), Vyvanse and currently nipping on Valium. Of course there's the pot smoking and irregular cigarette habit that isn't my concern at this time. I quit taking untested MDxx/Ecstasy since my last roll which was too overwhelming followed by the worst comedown I've experienced to this day. I've quit fucking around with the drugs that I've considered to have drained my soul. This will be the opiate use and reckless benzo consumption along with several ambien nights. Those days made me cold and down and damaged my personality but one day I took my first Hallucinogen, DXM.
Now when I tell you my 2nd DXM trip (600mg) completely restored the emotions I had lost from the reckless pharmaceutical binges that could have taken my life on 2 separate occasions. I was able to appreciate my parents and sisters and generally my entire family realized that I had begun to recover. Now I'm not saying I was some kind of addict who had so much to deal with and such but my curiosities definitely landed me in a very dark place that I don't think I was dealing with properly. I used to drink alcohol and sob alone in my room and then pop benzos to stfu my thoughts and go underwater where time stood still.
Since that DXM trip I learned that these hallucinogens can maybe help my troubles. I then tried LSD several times and throughout those trips learned much more about myself and God whom I had abandoned at the age of 16 during my codeine phase. I learned that I could control my happiness and reality and yada yada..
To the point now, when I used to obtain said pharms I'd write a name on you know what and give it to the pharmacist to obtain my pills. The name I used was "Michael Stevens". Now it has become clear to me in a recent DMT trip that he still exists in my life. Yes I labeled him as my alter-ego that was reckless with drugs of all kinds and considered him a demon. I accepted him tho, as I love myself and regret none of what I've experienced.
I would think Michael was gone or at least on a vacation since I quit recklessly doing pharms but along came Charlie. Cocaine I have been using very rarely for party fun and have had a few mediocre times with it and recently a glowing experience via the PO ROA. On my first DMT trip as (the recent one I was talking about) I basically had my trip separated into 2 segments.
1- Michael's happiness
2- My happiness
I listened to Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd for the first segment of the trip and I was in a dimly lit bar drinking scotch on the rocks being served by a woman while I sat amongst these dark figures that I could only perceive to be my demons. I was extremely happy the entire time. Like the peak of my happiness. Pink Floyd was performing in the bar and hot waitresses were walking by with big tits serving drinks.
I summarized this segment as my vice happiness.
The second segment of the trip was when the song changed to a song I classify to be nice to listen to whilst driving and behold I landed In a convertible car with a beautiful blonde woman, young like me, sitting beside me smiling in her sun hat and ray-ban shades while I drove down the cliche desert road, listening to the song playing, at the peak of the day's light completely happy thinking that this is what I want, I want to be this happy and share my happiness with the woman of my dreams.
I summarized this segment as my overall happiness.
So In conclusion there is 2 sides of me that still exists today. Michael dwells in me waiting for the first drop of alcohol or anything to lower my inhibitions to take advantage of the situation and break free of the cage I keep him in, and when he comes out, he goes hard in the muthafuckin' paint bruh.
My concern? Well I will be going to Fl for university! Need I say more? I need to either murder this vicy alter-ego or lock him up with a big fuckin' lock. All that american pussy, pills, pools of booze and powders will burn me out if Michael isn't contained. I struggle with keeping him at bay as it is but I must say I'm going very well as most of my family has seen the most positive change in me since I first tried weed when I was 15.
Long story short I want to confront Michael via high dosed DXM as it has helped me in the past and I'm thinking of a dose of 750mg-1g. I've experienced loss of sense of self on 600mg and it definitely helped me through my dark time.
What do you guys think? I'm not crazy right? One of my friend's Michael (lol) told me that it was a good thing that I identified my alter-ego as it's separate entity. I plan on extracting it into a purer form to avoid the nasties but I don't mind purging.
Yes I know me n Michael are theoretically the same people but I'm more referring to a part of my self when I talk about him as if he isn't me in this post
. As for now I've begun socializing more but socializing in clubs&bars just feels empty to me as it usually ends with me hungover and having spent money unnecessarily. I do socialize like the average joe but it's never my priority. Kicking back n smokin' bud in peaceful places is my thing as it is what basically grew me into the social world in the first place pulling me out of FPS & MMORPG addiction lol.