I didn't even get the chance to get around to this part of my last thread before it was closed down, so I guess I might as well post it here, and make sure I put all the juicy, good bits right up front. When I called it "Some Good News & Some Bad" it was because there was just as much bad in it. Apologise for making you all wait for it, but it was starting to get too long already. So now I've already described how I'm happy with my looks again and feel ready to start dating etc. I might just get ahead to the unhappy part, which is a bit worse after all.
As for getting my looks back/making the best of my looks so I can start seeing some guy, it's always within the realms of possibility, at least as soon as I've been single for six months or more and crashed hard for a new guy. But really falling for someone new is not something that comes along that often, and the last time before was over 3 1/2 years ago with someone I still consider the love of my life so far. So if it doesn't turn out to work out that way, and through no fault of my own, I'd say that's a bit of a tragedy but what can you do?
Guy doesn't live anywhere remotely near me, over 8 hours drive away, and I have no family or the like in the area. There are opportunities for work, with me doing freelancing of various kinds, but the question is do I want to give up my family, friends, hometown, security network, and all my old life here for what might just be a romantic flash in the pan? I don't know if he'll even return, or end up returning in a serious way. And, yes, we have been in touch, since he drunk dialed me by mistake once and we had a lot of fun so we kept at it. I just didn't want to bring it up to avoid embarrassing myself too much in case it didn't work out. And one thing left to another, and now the whole thing is kind of up in the air, and like "Why aren't I on my way already if I like him as much as I say", etc.
Typical guy, like he's my only concern under the sun, when there's also stuff like our practical and financial situations, our own drug issues, of which his I'm not even sure about, just have a sense it's less recreational than mine, just based on some obvious things like greater accessibility. He also seems quite new and still relatively unscathed by the scene and I don't think he's seen enough personal grief to want to get out yet. So keep selling/using without telling me seems like a likely scenario, no matter what he tells me. That he's not above lying is one thing I know for sure he's not.
I don't want to make a big drama out of it, I know more than enough what to expect, I've been observing him for six weeks (seems more like six months), and it's him, not the lifestyle that interests me. At this point, I'd honestly be quite happy to stop using, or at least make it an irregular thing we share together, and just make him my drug of choice. I know when I'm in love and it's been a while since I felt the beginning of something like this and it is pretty amazing. I don't want to lose out on it, I don't know when anything like that will come along again, but at the same time I know I'm sliding down a slippery slope as it is and don't want him to be the one to make me crash (or vice versa).
Feel both happy and sad. Mixed feelings. Want him to be mine and feel he should be. Ever since he gave me that big, warm hug when we were first introduced, he's had me. I knew he was really genuine then and there's been nothing abusive about his behaviour or treatment of me since. Nothing at all. I've been longing to meet a guy like that for so long - a guy who has real warmth and love and isn't just looking to impress to flatter his ego or get what he wants. AND, more importantly than anything, someone I feel the same way for and isn't just swarming around as some form of gratitude and have no way of knowing how really feels.
It's almost worse than some American guy who's so in touch with his feelings and used to faking it he doesn't even know what he feels anymore, or some British guy who's so out of touch with his he could never guess either. He's not even that self-aware and doesn't really knows what he feels, just reveals a little at a time, and it's so hard for me I don't know what to do and have no way of knowing how it will turn out. I just want to go to sleep and dream of him now. Wish he was my twin and we'd always go to sleep together and really belong together in this life. Oh well, at least someone thinks of him like that.
As for getting my looks back/making the best of my looks so I can start seeing some guy, it's always within the realms of possibility, at least as soon as I've been single for six months or more and crashed hard for a new guy. But really falling for someone new is not something that comes along that often, and the last time before was over 3 1/2 years ago with someone I still consider the love of my life so far. So if it doesn't turn out to work out that way, and through no fault of my own, I'd say that's a bit of a tragedy but what can you do?
Guy doesn't live anywhere remotely near me, over 8 hours drive away, and I have no family or the like in the area. There are opportunities for work, with me doing freelancing of various kinds, but the question is do I want to give up my family, friends, hometown, security network, and all my old life here for what might just be a romantic flash in the pan? I don't know if he'll even return, or end up returning in a serious way. And, yes, we have been in touch, since he drunk dialed me by mistake once and we had a lot of fun so we kept at it. I just didn't want to bring it up to avoid embarrassing myself too much in case it didn't work out. And one thing left to another, and now the whole thing is kind of up in the air, and like "Why aren't I on my way already if I like him as much as I say", etc.
Typical guy, like he's my only concern under the sun, when there's also stuff like our practical and financial situations, our own drug issues, of which his I'm not even sure about, just have a sense it's less recreational than mine, just based on some obvious things like greater accessibility. He also seems quite new and still relatively unscathed by the scene and I don't think he's seen enough personal grief to want to get out yet. So keep selling/using without telling me seems like a likely scenario, no matter what he tells me. That he's not above lying is one thing I know for sure he's not.
I don't want to make a big drama out of it, I know more than enough what to expect, I've been observing him for six weeks (seems more like six months), and it's him, not the lifestyle that interests me. At this point, I'd honestly be quite happy to stop using, or at least make it an irregular thing we share together, and just make him my drug of choice. I know when I'm in love and it's been a while since I felt the beginning of something like this and it is pretty amazing. I don't want to lose out on it, I don't know when anything like that will come along again, but at the same time I know I'm sliding down a slippery slope as it is and don't want him to be the one to make me crash (or vice versa).
Feel both happy and sad. Mixed feelings. Want him to be mine and feel he should be. Ever since he gave me that big, warm hug when we were first introduced, he's had me. I knew he was really genuine then and there's been nothing abusive about his behaviour or treatment of me since. Nothing at all. I've been longing to meet a guy like that for so long - a guy who has real warmth and love and isn't just looking to impress to flatter his ego or get what he wants. AND, more importantly than anything, someone I feel the same way for and isn't just swarming around as some form of gratitude and have no way of knowing how really feels.
It's almost worse than some American guy who's so in touch with his feelings and used to faking it he doesn't even know what he feels anymore, or some British guy who's so out of touch with his he could never guess either. He's not even that self-aware and doesn't really knows what he feels, just reveals a little at a time, and it's so hard for me I don't know what to do and have no way of knowing how it will turn out. I just want to go to sleep and dream of him now. Wish he was my twin and we'd always go to sleep together and really belong together in this life. Oh well, at least someone thinks of him like that.
Last edited:
