Group therapy faux pas: I feel so hurt and silly

[MrsGamp]

...Ibecause I had my one-on-one with my counselor today and while she was trying to be polite, the basic upshot was that I talked too much yesterday in group, got off topic, and brought up inappropriate details which may have "triggered" people (although no actual triggering occurred). Even my eye contact skills came up (they are poor unless I know people very well).

I nodded and smiled and said I wasn't in the least bit hurt and would be a better listener and make more eye contact.

She suggested I bring a notebook to help me order my thoughts as the group discussion proceeds. But I'll feel like a retard if I am the only person doing that. Also, it might make other people uncomfortable, surely?

The problem was I took many dex before going, of course.

But I feel like such an idiot.

 

[MrsGamp]

PS and I cannot help but think the other women went on and on and on for much longer than me ... I made an active effort to keep my own shit brief.

 

[MrsGamp]

PPS Perhaps I only imagined that, though...God I am depressed.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I went to group last night for first time in about 10 years (NA meeting). I said "Fuck" a lot, name-dropped all the kinds of drugs I've taken, and talked graphically about fighting cravings for the extreme pleasures of IV meth and chemsex when it was my turn. No-one batted an eyelid. Maybe you need a less judgy group? Or set a timer/alarm on your phone when you talk at least. Or take less dex?

 

[Shady's Fox]

While it is a group therapy and it's based on constructive judgments that doesn't mean anything. Maybe you did that, group therapy doesn't mean you can come and vent your insanity left and right without secondary consequences -- that's the world. I think you over-think and you over-react for nothing, from mistakes we all learn and so do your best to not make it happen again. There's rules, dear and they're for a reason.

 

[Jabberwocky]

don't beat yourself up, its water under the bridge. try and take on board what was said, and certainly use the experience as a lesson not to use dex before therapy (tbh there is almost no point in doing any therapy while on drugs anyway).

none of us can comment on whether you really were out of line or not, so i don't know whether it really was a problem or your counsellor is just being harsh.

trying to order your thoughts beforehand is a good idea. for me even the act of writing down helps order my thoughts, so you could do it but then not necessarily have to consult what you've written during the session.

all this said, i honestly can't think of anything worse than being stuck in a group therapy session with someone on any sort of amphetamines. you likely won't be aware of how much you're talking or its relevance. in rehab, so when everyone was straight, we had one guy who would go on off topic rants that were only tangentially related to the topic, for like 20 mins, out of an hour session. the therapists tried to hurry him up but he just got butthurt that no one wanted to listen or seemed to care. it was painful to be part of and ruined the chance of anyone else getting a theraputic effect out of the session, so basically unfair to everyone. i can easily imagine going off on one in an exponentially worse way than this if i'd used stimulants beforehand. i'm not saying you were like this, i don't know.

 

[MrsGamp]

I went to group last night for first time in about 10 years (NA meeting). I said "Fuck" a lot, name-dropped all the kinds of drugs I've taken, and talked graphically about fighting cravings for the extreme pleasures of IV meth and chemsex when it was my turn. No-one batted an eyelid. Maybe you need a less judgy group? Or set a timer/alarm on your phone when you talk at least. Or take less dex?

Yeah, need to take less Dex for sure.

That aside,, I wonder. The point of the group seems to be restoring all us women to being model women - great mothers, and fit, and eating well and going for lots of walks and blah blah but above all "letting go".

We always start with this inept "mindfulness' exercise ... "this time is for you," intones the facilitator. That "time for us" lasts less than two minutes, and then it's on with the power-point slides. Which deal with topics that none of us have chosen.

To hell with "letting go". There's something very wrong with the politics of heterosexual relationships. So many women are bullied and beaten and cowed. So many women are victims of spiteful litigious abuse from ex-spouses ... and the courts tolerate it. The ideology is: husbands are just as important to their kids as wives. Okay. But firstly wives must be permitted to register their identity and desires and wishes to the same extent as husbands. This just doesn't happen.

This is a room full of women dealing with real shit, and we're meant to "respond" and "improve" after six or eight power-point demos.

No, it isn't good enough.

"Go out and get some sunshine", my counsellor said today.
Go out and get some sunshine yourself, sister! I have to walk around on my gimpy knee in the sunshine (or rain) every single day whether I want to or not. The last thing I need is more walking.

 

[MrsGamp]

Ps re dread of "triggering" people.

Is it for the sake of those who are apt to get "triggered"? - or is it more about keeping things quiet and easy?

I am an expert in avoiding pain and "triggers". That's why I take pills and drink. Because otherwise I'd be unable to go out at all. I'd lose control. Stuff might make me cry in public, for example ...and we can't have that!

The other day my brother and I were watching Rosemary's Baby. During the scene when pregnant Rosemary goes into labour shortly after being trapped by the Satanists, she is screaming "HELP, HELP, SOMEBODY PLEASE." And my brother said, "it's only when you really do need help that you might scream for help, and precisely because you are screaming for help, no-one will help you."

Very true, I thought.

 

[MrsGamp]

VERY final thought ...
I was "triggered" somewhat by having my eye-contact skills critiqued. exactly the sort of shit my ex would lay on me ..."why are you so shifty? why don't you look me in the eye?"
I'll take less Dex and talk less, well and good. But the world can just deal with my facial expressions and poor eye contact skills.

 

[Kara Kava]

Ya you probably went on a bit to much. It happens to the best of us , i went to aa drunk a few times trying to scam a chip for court

 

[MrsGamp]

I went to group last night for first time in about 10 years (NA meeting). I said "Fuck" a lot, name-dropped all the kinds of drugs I've taken, and talked graphically about fighting cravings for the extreme pleasures of IV meth and chemsex when it was my turn. No-one batted an eyelid. Maybe you need a less judgy group? Or set a timer/alarm on your phone when you talk at least. Or take less dex?

If I can ever get out of bed again in the wake of my Dex connect falling over, I am definitely going back to AA. They are welcoming towards people who are alcoholics-addicts. Some of the peeps in 12 step groups need to check their pants with the self-righteousness but you also encounter a lot of people who are, put it this way, less bourgeois and "nice".

These days I get on better with bag ladies and women who've been in gaol than I do with Middle Class Mums.

 

[Jabberwocky]

If I can ever get out of bed again in the wake of my Dex connect falling over, I am definitely going back to AA. They are welcoming towards people who are alcoholics-addicts. Some of the peeps in 12 step groups need to check their pants with the self-righteousness but you also encounter a lot of people who are, put it this way, less bourgeois and "nice".

These days I get on better with bag ladies and women who've been in gaol than I do with Middle Class Mums.

Same. I feel I have more in common with drug-addict tradies than I do ostensibly sober executives (and academics). I found NA to be a very comfortable place. I was jumping out of my skin with cravings when I went but within 10 minutes I was totally calm and craving-free. They came back later, but it was a welcome temporary respite.

 

[MrsGamp]

Same. I feel I have more in common with drug-addict tradies than I do ostensibly sober executives (and academics). I found NA to be a very comfortable place. I was jumping out of my skin with cravings when I went but within 10 minutes I was totally calm and craving-free. They came back later, but it was a welcome temporary respite.

Am glad for you! A good 12 step meeting works wonder, IME.