Grieving the needle

Skyline_GTR

Bluelight Crew
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Newswise
13 September 2005

http://www.newswise.com/articles/view/514496/

Grieving the Needle

Newswise — Heroin addicts trying to kick the habit often profoundly grieve their lost "relationship" with the needles they use to inject the drug, according to a new study by a University at Buffalo doctoral student.

This intense personal connection with the needle, which some addicts described as a "love affair," may be a factor in the high relapse rate among recovering addicts, according to the study's principal investigator Davina Moss, who recently earned a doctorate in counselor education from the UB Graduate School of Education.

For the study, Moss interviewed 12 heroin addicts in a detoxification facility. Each described the intense grief experienced while away from the drug and great sorrow for personal losses resulting from the addiction.

"I was surprised to hear the addicts in the study describe their love for the needle," Moss says. "This has not been reported before."

"They described a feeling of 'oneness' with the needle, how they would caress the needle, and how they would never forget their first time using the needle -- much like someone would describe a first love."

One user in the study even suggested that if he didn't crave the feel of the needle, he might be able to kick his habit, says Moss, who has worked with heroin addicts for 13 years.

Moss also found that recovering addicts grieve the loss of heroin as if they were mourning a loved one's death. They expressed a love for the drug much like one loves a spouse. Such intense feelings have been reported in other studies of heroin addicts, as well as in studies of other drug addicts and alcoholics, Moss says.

The study also found that recovering heroin addicts grieve losing the "heroin lifestyle," partly because they're addicted to the challenge and excitement of scoring the drug. "They mourn the loss of the heroin culture," Moss explains. "Heroin addicts develop a strong bond among themselves -- much like you find within a family or cult. They have their own slang, they watch out for each other and share information on where to get the drug," she says.

"When heroin addicts start recovery they have a hard time pulling away from this culture. They miss the bonding, the language, the excitement of drug activities."

Based on the study's findings, Moss recommends that grief counseling be integrated within treatment programs to help addicts overcome the feelings of loss they experience as they break off their relationship with heroin and forsake the drug's culture.

"Heroin addicts have great difficulty ending their relationship with the drug," Moss says. "Their unresolved grief is not being addressed in treatment programs."

Moss is pursuing a grant to develop a grief-counseling program for heroin addicts, which she says may help improve the success rate of treatment programs. Most addicts relapse within 72 hours of their discharge from current programs, Moss says.

The University at Buffalo is a premier research-intensive public university, the largest and most comprehensive campus in the State University of New York. UB's more than 27,000 students pursue their academic interests through more than 300 undergraduate, graduate and professional degree programs. The university offers the only degrees in law, pharmacy and architecture in the SUNY system, and is the home of the only comprehensive public school of engineering and only school of informatics in New York State.
 
as someone who doesn't IV, loving and caressing a needle seems intense, but i'd be interested to hear what bluelighters who IV have to say about it.
 
Its interesting that people are actually studying this now. You talk to ANY intravenous user and they will tell you how they love the needle like their wife. The thing with kicking a habit is that you lose all your friends and your true love. An unenviable move...
 
Haha, I don't know about caressing a needle but I see the point and its valid. Using a needle to administer a drug is the only way I'll do it, or I just won't do it at all. However, injecting something that doesnt work or just water is really dissapointing; you want something to happen, so I don't really know what direction this study is going in.
 
friend of mine once told me that when she couldnt get dope she would shoot water, just because she was "addicted to the needle".
 
i IVed dope for 2-3 years and i liked it very much BUT i never caressed my needles...nothing even close..ill never forget the feeling of banging good dope but i never hugged and fell in love with the needl per se...i do ave a buddy that was hooked to the needle damn near as much as the dope..

as for losing friends when u kickyer habit..usually, those friends arent worh having anyway, they are simply dope using buddies ad nothing more..these same dudes would pinch yer dope bags, steal from ya etc etc...its just when getting clean ya gotta totally abandon the entire "i wanna get fucked up" mindset and u have to stay away from drug users in general...this is VERY BVERY HARD..

the relapse rates are bad..i would like to know the true relase rates, are they 50% or higher??
 
I stopped IVing dope for many months ago but i think most ex IV users can relate to the article....Ok i may never have carresed my needles but the feel of the sharp edge hitting my vein is better then a fuckin orgasm...not to mention the taste thast fills up your mouth just after you boot a big rig of brown sugar..
 
Carressing the needle is taking it a little far...

but other than that from my limited experience and what others have told me this study is very accurate.
 
p3n1x - i think your love for your paraphernalia is kind of aesthetic. love for the needle is motivated by dopamine. the needle is the thing that is most closely associated with getting a fix. BIG RUSH OF DOPAMINE, reinforces the action, and images and symbols related to it. while cannabis does affect dopamine transmission quite significantly, it does it in a sort of round about way - Bilz0r from advanced drug discussion might be able to elaborate more. heroin, however, doesnt pussyfoot around.
One thing i've experienced throughout my opiate use is whenever I'm cooking down dope on a spoon, i totally zone out and enter 'spoon consciousness' where the only thing in my world is the spoon and the bubbles and the brown liquid - i'm totally dissociated. Really interesting - it started happening really soon after i started using the spoon. I'm not an IV user - i used to evaporate off the liquid from morphine ampoules, and cook opium with acetic anhydride to smoke.
 
I emailed the researcher (Davina Moss) to comment on this study. She told me that she was told by the academic community that her information did not make sense, which really surprised me.

To me this really makes more sense than any other theories on heroin addiction.
 
The whole idea of caressing a needle makes almost laugh out loud, but then again, I kiss my bubbler before I go to bed each night, so I guess I can understand.
 
It's makes perfect sense to me. It's just how addiction is thought to act. The addictive drug causes a release dopamine, and the dopamine causes abnormal synaptic associations. This leads to compulsions to take drugs and hardwires the sensory information associating with taking drugs into your head
 
An "affair" with a needle is much more intimate than bongs or such paraphanelia, for extremely obvious reasons. If you don't get it, then dont' bother asking.

It is also a psychological and subconscious relationship. Gripping the rig, the feeling of penetrating the skin, the feeling of penetrating the vein (there is a noticeable difference), pushing the liquid in, acknowledging how the foreign liquid flows and merges with your blood. All of those acts become related to the high of the substance in question. You get a "placebo" high, in a sense, with injecting yourself, as with actually dosing. Your body subconsciously preps you up for what you are oh-so-familiar with. And love.

Personally, I have noticed a subconscious psychological symptom within myself related to H usage. Unfortunately, it is not as romantic as above. When my solution is darker brown than usual (indicating more H) I puke my guts out, especially if I have gone on a long binge.

You have no idea how hard it is for me to prep just a single shot when my tolerance has risen just slightly without puking at least 4 times before I've even drawn up.
 
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