Going Backwards?

[malakaix]

I was thinking about this a bit the other day, the idea definitely seemed plausible in my own case.

Does anyone believe its possible to essentially go backwards on psychedelics? I'll explain my own situation to give an example of what im rambling on about

I've been using psychedelics, particularly LSD and more recently DMT for the past 2years.. a lot of it has been on regular occasion.. almost every month, sometimes twice a month depending on circumstances.. i would always find the experiences very insightful and enlightening.. learning more about myself and becoming more open minded and 'solid' as a person so to speak..

Up untill recently i'd say the last 2months or so.. when i came into a easy flow of DMT supply.. i've noticed that instead of actually learning anything more about myself, i seem to forget more about the core structure of my personality.. it almost feels like a shattering of my ego without the pieces coming back completely.. the connection my mind has with reality seems to be fading, i feel less like myself and more like an observer.. ( I have experienced complete ego loss through a breakthrough DMT trip, although it took a month for my personality to "completely" come back )

Anyway, the solution is quite obvious and i haven't touched any drugs at all for 1 1/2 months and feel like im slowly coming back into my body, which is fantastic

Im guessing this is a result of frequent use, and that much bigger gaps between use needs to be followed. Has anyone else experienced this sensation of 'fading out' for a prolonged period of time..

I know alot of my posts seem like im going around in circles with what i already know, but i find typing it out helps me better understand what i believe to know.. plus a mix of responses usually reassures any doubt i had.

%)

 

[isotopic_parody]

a lot of us go for that "being an observer, not a participant" thing... When you have no emotional attachment to something (because you aren't the one doing it), you really start to see the truth of everything.

 

[Xorkoth]

Yes, sometimes being an observer can t5each you a lot about the world around you. I am an observer by nature so I certainly sometimes become even more so on psychedelics. Actually some psychedelics make me more in myself these days, which is also beneficial to me to learn about.

 

[swilow]

Depersonalsation does seeem a result of psychedelics at times....One, if they were of the buddhist inclination, could call it "detachment", but if it gets in the way of life- its a bit pointless.

Malakaix, sounds like you maybe went a bit far with the psyches; but you'll probably find the reintegration process will ened with you feeling better then ever. Like learning to BE again

 

[malakaix]

Depersonalsation does seeem a result of psychedelics at times....One, if they were of the buddhist inclination, could call it "detachment", but if it gets in the way of life- its a bit pointless.

Malakaix, sounds like you maybe went a bit far with the psyches; but you'll probably find the reintegration process will ened with you feeling better then ever. Like learning to BE again

Yeah, i think i may of.. the detachment from reality has been interfering with daily life massively for myself for some time now, if i could disregard society and the necessary means to exist within one.. then i would have no problem remaining in this state of awareness.. but alas its simply not an option.

Although i can see the upside to this.. that i've pushed my limits as far as i can before it becomes detrimental to my 'self'. But yes as you said, i think the reintegration process will be quite positive, in that i can completely accept myself without further pursuit of 'understanding'.

Sorry for all these threads,posts etc going around in loops... I know there been kind of spread out throughout TDS, PD and other sub-forums.. i've been dealing with this depersonalization situation for a while now.. but i feel it may finally be coming to a close Thankyou for input.

If anyone else has any similar stories/situations to share i'd love to read them.

%)

 

[Doctor War]

re-entry, at the speed of regret.

mal; it was not long before 'board games' that i found myself in a similar mindspace to where you are now.

take a step abck, evaluate what is important in your life and reconnect with the people you love. find direction rather then trying to force deeper meaning; everything will come when it is meant to - you are on track; we haven't far to go

 

[bighooter]

This is very interesting you mention this actually.

When I was a child up until about age 14/15 I used to see myself having a luagh and joke with mates and often I would feel as if I was watching myself.

However my dear friend when I was a kid I was so happy it's hard to get my head round it sometimes at just how content and peaceful my mind was.

For this reason people liked being around me and I had lots of friends and in return I just felt happier.
Now it wasnt until I started using cannabis that all this changed and my mind has been destroyed since and ive been trying to rebuild it.

BUT anyway what im trying to say is that is it possible I could have achieved an enlightened state at such a young age, because if I was to show you picture of how I used to look and then a picture of me now. You would all be shocked and say its 2 different people.

What im trying to say is that is what im describing what you class as ego loss?
Because when I think of how happy I used to be it was as if I was on drugs.

btw my mum smoked cannabis daily throughout pregnancy with me and people always used to say I looked stoned (but in a cute way). I mean do you think this could have sorta affected my mind?

 

[ASquishyApple]

^^^ that's exactly how i felt after my 2nd experience with cannabis and mdma, i consider this combination to be psychedelic as the first time i combined these i had some awesome visuals and the second time i had so many revelations that it changed my life.

then once i moved back home (was gone for my first year of college) and tried weed again everything kinda went back to normal which has somewhat depressed me and has made me pissed off at a lot of things for not being how they should be (kinda like i was before my experience but not quite as bad)

 

[Nautics]

Psychedelics seem to take me backwards every few trips.

For a while I feel as though each trip makes me a little more enlightened than the last, and in turn a little happier. After a while I become a little too careless with psychedelics because I'm used to them being amazing and relatively easy to handle, and I screw up some part of my set or setting completely. Usually I can reverse any perceived damage with a little time to myself to contemplate what I've done, could have done, and what will be done. This then leads to another well planned trip where I sort everything out and as far as I can tell, return to normal.

A few months ago though, I had a week long binge on ecstasy (Not my drug of choice so I rarely do any) and came out of it feeling dissonant with myself. Not long after, a few of my friends started planning a psychedelic adventure in the mountains and wanted me to come along. I didn't want to pass up a chance to trip in nature and so agreed to go along, even though I was still feeling off. Basically, the trip ended badly and only added to the issues that had piled up in my life.

When rolling hard it's as though I can feel my thoughts evaporating right out of my skull, kind of like trying to think while on deliriants, and that's what I was left with after the trip. I came out of it so confused and disoriented that my life stopped moving forward and I become stuck in an odd limbo, trying to piece myself back together.

After I had a chance to gather myself I decided to trip again, I worked out a good setting and was pretty sure that my mind set would be fine. To an extent I was right, though "pretty sure" isn't sure enough. The trips themselves were fine and it seemed like I was able to work through some problems, but I was left with a negative afterglow that lingered in a way that wasn't too distracting, but still apparent.

I've had ample time to work through my actions and now I'm essentially back to baseline, except, trips bring me right back to feeling dissonant with myself and cause my thoughts to slip away.

It seems the ecstasy was a catalyst that caused my mind to shatter, and when I pieced it back together I did it in a way that makes all my trips take me backwards instead of forwards.

 

[hjj]

just remember; hakuna matata.

 

[Solipsis]

I'm not sure what the title of this thread should be but I'm positive that the current one makes little sense...
At least it's not a context independent title.

 

[malakaix]

I suppose the title could be more adjusted to depersonalization.. 'going backwards' in the sense that instead of advancing more on my 'self' im becoming more detached and faded out from reality, which in essence is causing a negative effect on my ability to interact socially as such an interaction requires for my 'self' to be in place. The best way i could explain in on a level i think people would be familiar with is.. its like a constant DMT 'haze' that utter disconnection during the experience which has somewhat lingered and made it difficult to integrate expected necessities 'work,family,friends'.

Anyhow thanks Doc War, im certain reconnecting with people will gound my 'self' back to reality.. i was more or less curious if others had experienced this, looks like alot of you have at some point or another.. im slowly but surely coming back

 

[masta.spliffz]

I find that the thread was actually in line with what I expected from the title, but I'm sure that could be different for others.