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getting to a scary point now.

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gimmethecamera

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 31, 2010
Messages
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last friday i double dropped some pills tested positive for mdma using the mecke reagent test and everything, it was checked out on pill reports and every pill i had, had mdma.

i double dropped, then as i was peaking i chewed one more then i said fuck it and chewed 2 more.
i was rolling balls, i couldnt even talk i was rolling so hard. all i could say was "fuck im rolling really hard" felt like a really good long orgasm, my eyes were uncontrollable they kept going everywhere, and for the first time i experienced sexual surges through my body, it felt like as if i was having sex and it was really good.
for the first time i hallucinated on mdma, i kept seeing things that werent there like HUGE halos emanating from every light, and HUGE spikes of light everywhere it was really beautiful, as my roll was getting stronger all i could see was the darkness of the night and lights coming from every direction for a good 2 hours i was in my own world, i was rolling so hard i didnt feel talkative at all, i felt open but i couldnt even talk, all i kept repeating was "fuck im rolling so fucking hard" over and over.
i then drank one coca-cola and that really made my heart beat so fucking the roll was intensifying more and more with each sip, at this point all i remember is blurriness, as jekyll and hyde from dj zinc was playing in the background i could feel the mdma fuck with my head and it felt so good.
i couldnt control my eyes,
i couldnt control myself,
i literally had a out of body experience, for a couple of minutes i had reached what i like to describe "euphoric enlightenment" i felt one with everything kinda like a god.

i rolled for a good 6-7 hours on 5 tabs.
keep in mind my tolerance is way up been rolling every weekend or once every two weeks for the past 4 months.

what my problem is, is that eventho i rolled the hardest ive ever rolled i still feel like it wasnt good or strong enough, i want to roll harder but im pretty sure im getting to a dangerous level now..

what should i do?
 
Best advice is take a break - let your tolerance drop and you will be able to experience a stronger high from a lower dose.

What you dont want to do is repeat the experience needing 5 pills to get there as your going to do some serious damage to yourself. (do you know the mgs you took? What stamp was it?)

Also if you like to roll hard like that - scrap the pills and try and score some real MDMA again your going to need less of the drug to get that same (if not stronger high). Dont chase that high though - look at it as a one of experience, IF it happens again then great but dont try and up the dose to get the same effects.
 
yes i know i took it too far but at the time i didnt care, it scared me to realize that i had taken 5 pills, and the state i was in.

dont know the mgs...
i took 3 yellow rhinos, and one orange 007 with a gun and one blue peace sign.

finding real mdma is hard to come by here, all the shit being sold as "molly" is not even molly at all...

i feel like i want to roll way harder than that, when i was rolling there were moments in my mind were i thought to myself what if i were to take one more tab....
its scary really.
 
It is scary, I agree. Forgive me for getting preachy for a moment, but you're starting down a path that ultimately leads to frustration and eventually self-destruction -- people usually call it "chasing the high". :\ Sure, it's a good idea to maximize your experience, but when you take this to the logical extreme you end up sacrificing more and more for what will always be an inherently unsatisfying experience.

The key, in my opinion (and as Bearlove said), is to take a step back. Force yourself to stop using for a little while, so that you can get off the treadmill of continuously higher expectations. On a more abstract level, it helps to teach yourself to be satisfied by simple things...good food, the company of friends, etc. Simply being alive and healthy is a gift. It's hard at first and you're likely to feel stupid, but if you can train yourself to control your expectations you can approach recreational drug use from a healthy angle: appreciative of what it gives you, but not demanding a better experience each time. Otherwise, if you equate drugs to happiness, and the more drugs = the more happy you are, you're going to burn out in no time and not necessarily in a pretty way. :(

Just my two cents, as always. I'm not judging, trying to lecture you, or accusing you of anything. In fact, the above may not even apply to you at all...it's just that I've just seen too many people go down that road not to speak my mind about it.
 
im heading down a wrong path, ive been drinking almost everyday its getting frustrating but i know this must stop soon.
 
gimmethecamera said:
im heading down a wrong path, ive been drinking almost everyday its getting frustrating but i know this must stop soon.
Click to expand...

Someone once told me that the best way to get out of a hole is to stop digging. :)

Good on you if you have the strength to do it yourself, but you should never be afraid or ashamed to ask for help.
 
I think we can all relate to your story- and I think we all likely have got to a better and brighter place in our relationship with MDMA the same way: taking a break. I'd personally give it a full 60 days minimum- I find 60 days has helped me, and friends when the damage/tolerance is getting bad.
 
I know a lot about wanting to chase the high... And you just don't want it to end huh? I overdid it a couple of times too because I just didn't want it to end! I realized that that would give me a lot of problems, so I decided to do something about it. I only roll at events, so I decided that I'm only going to take in the exact number of pills that I plan on consuming that night. Maybe what you should do, if you reeeally won't listen to other Bluelighters and take a break, is only buy (and bring with you) a reasonable number, and have a responsible person help you with not taking anymore (if you come across more). My hubby has been really helpful with that, and he "controls" my intake if I say "I only want to take one more..." Because that one more could turn into another one. And another. And another.
But I do agree with everyone... Break!!!
Good luck!
 
I find that when I roll to a nearly overwhelming level... there is almost no chance of me ever getting to that state again. like my nerve endings are pruned to that level, those few times were fun but I seriously feel like it takes something out of me that i'm just not ever going to get back.
 
i know what you mwean, laidback luke is coming soon tho, im planning to take 4 yellow rhinos. this will be the last time i roll in a good while.
 
no matter how many pills u take u aint gona roll fukn balls like your first time, MD works off new experiences n especially if your doing the same shit uv'e done on pills before it just aint gona happen...trust me i know ive taken 7 oak trees in 45 mins n it wasnt that great.Only spectacular times ive had was 1st time going from single to double dropping, then double to triple dropping, because they were new experiences.and tbh neither was still as good as my first time.
 
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mdma doesn't get you "fucked up." if you're using mdma to get "fucked up" you're using it for the wrong reasons. its about the experience, and its only going to take you so far. if i were you, i would take a break for a while and really figure out what you want to accomplish from your use.
 
More pills doesn't always equal a harder roll either. Past a certain point you lose that initial soul orgasming and feel just "fucked up." Like everyone else said, take a break, at least 60 days, and after that limit your rolls to once a month. Reserve MDMA as a special treat, not a weekly routine, and it will feel more special every time you do it, which is hopefully the high you're looking for.
 
I've definitely been where you're at, so this isn't mean to be judgmental. You may have hooped yourself with regard to loss of magic with your last experience. Those kinds of out-of-this-world ecstatic experiences seem to be quite rare and as one poster said, once you get there it is not that often that you can rediscover that level of high again. The big challenge is then that every time you take E after that you compare it to "that time" and "trying to get to that time" and how it's "not the same". For me it seems like whenever I reached a new level of being high on E that I was never satisifed unless I got to that same level again the next time - but that doesn't really happen and then it all just becomes about chasing the high and fretting that it's not as good as it used to be.
 
So often in my experience, it's not the amount of drugs that make a good sesh, it's the good old 'set and setting'. Just thinking that taking just one more bean will take you to that elusive magic place you once were on a classic night will never do it unless you're in a good place mentally anyway.

I've gone out and had classic nights on just one good E, with some top friends in a top mood. Then other nights I've filled my body with all sorts trying to 'chase the high' and had a shit night.

Echoing others here though...take a break. But without preaching myself, you gave a lot away in post #6. It sounds like you are generally unhappy, and are also well aware of it.

Anyhow, wtf do I know? We've all been there at some point, don't stress over it too much. Take it easy, take a break, and good luck dude.
 
If you're rolling every week or so and you still feel like 5 pills wasn't enough for you, you REALLY need to take a break for at least 3 or 4 months. Trust me, I've been down that road...

If you start rolling every week or so just for the sake of rolling, it will lose its touch. You will end up spending much more money than you need to on more and more pills, and it still won't be as good a roll as it would if you were to wait a few months then take one or two.

After a roll, your seratonin receptors need at least a month to fully recover. If you've been rolling every week or so, I highly suggest you stop NOW for at least 3 months. Keep going like you are and you will eventually "lose the magic" and wind up with severe depression and/or anxiety.

Also, I find that rolling isn't anywhere near as fun if you roll often. It's a much better experience if you plan to roll on nights where you're sure to have a blast. At raves, maybe, or if a group of your friends are planning on rolling and going somewhere for the night.

Take a 3-month break. You'll roll hard off 2 good pills afterwards. It's a lot easier than you think, I've spent the past 2 months not even having the desire to roll. But, come halloween, I'm going to roll with a bunch of friends. =)
 
lol i doubt your bf has damage like that... it'd probably be that hes more aware of the light shape and hes convinced himself its changed.
 
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