...and I was only using them for four weeks total.
Ativan 2mg
Xanax 1 mg
Apologies in advance for the long rambling, but I just had to let this out. It makes me feel so much better to write and let this all off my chest.
I was alternating between the two medications and ran out a few days ago and had to force myself to withdraw c/t. I know it isn't recommended, but I honestly didn't have a choice and I thought that if I've beaten Adderall, Ritalin, and Effexor XR, how bad could benzos be?
Thank god for my SO or I would have given in to my suicidal cravings so I could finally shut my brain up.
I had asked my psychiatrist for a script because a close family member had passed and I had started a new full-time job the same week. I was reluctant to ask for time off the same week I started a new job so I told my psychiatrist that I thought benzos would help me in case any panic attacks showed up at work. If I knew how terrible these pills were for me, I would have never taken them in the first place.
I have absolutely ZERO memories of the past month because I was alternating between the two different benzos and my tolerance built up quick. Once I ran out, I decided I hated not being able to form new memories and being a damn zombie. The first day of withdrawal began on Thursday afternoon (I had taken my last xanax pill that morning) and I suffered from some tremors, but nothing I couldn't handle.
It's beyond me how I made it through my work shift on Friday (2nd day of benzo withdrawal) because my neck and hands were shaking so bad the entire day. Jesus. Never had anxiety at this level before, even when I was coming off ADHD meds. I've barely slept the past few days and I know that I never want to touch a benzo AGAIN. My emotions started coming back and I had crying spells throughout the entire weekend.. Luckily I have a supportive big brother and SO and I told them the truth about how I need time to process my father's death and how I was trying to get over benzo withdrawal. They suggested I take time off from work and I requested a week off from work and told them the truth about how I need time to grieve. My manager was compassionate enough to allow me to take the week off and my anxiety levels have gone way down knowing that I don't have to suffer like this tomorrow at work.
The hallucinations and sensory disturbances have stopped for the most part but I am still getting tremors, although not as bad as the second day. I've been avoiding caffeine and I only ate a dinner of avocado, bacon, and eggs because the thought of food made me nauseous all morning.
Getting past benzos is seriously one of the hardest things I've ever done in life and I only took them for four weeks! Yes it's my fault for taking more than I was prescribed, but I have come to terms with the fact that I NEVER WANT TO mess with drugs again. I actually have an Ativan refill available today but the thought of touching those things terrifies me.
I am glad that I have not been taking benzos for longer and hope my withdrawal (or should I call it rebound anxiety?) doesn't last too long. For my week off from work, I'm going to try my best to keep my mind active and go running.
One last thing, I stood outside in the sunshine today in my half-anxious state and realized how precious and amazing it is that I am still alive and how thankful I am that I did not suffer from any seizures. I thought about my dad and let my feelings and tears out and realized that he helped provide me the gift of life and I shouldn't waste it. My panic attacks have gone down the past few hours.
I wish the best of luck to everyone suffering through similar withdrawals and I want you to know that we need to stay strong for each other! It really does help to ramble on so if anyone wants to post here or PM me, I am here to listen. Let's support each other.
Ativan 2mg
Xanax 1 mg
Apologies in advance for the long rambling, but I just had to let this out. It makes me feel so much better to write and let this all off my chest.
I was alternating between the two medications and ran out a few days ago and had to force myself to withdraw c/t. I know it isn't recommended, but I honestly didn't have a choice and I thought that if I've beaten Adderall, Ritalin, and Effexor XR, how bad could benzos be?
Thank god for my SO or I would have given in to my suicidal cravings so I could finally shut my brain up.
I had asked my psychiatrist for a script because a close family member had passed and I had started a new full-time job the same week. I was reluctant to ask for time off the same week I started a new job so I told my psychiatrist that I thought benzos would help me in case any panic attacks showed up at work. If I knew how terrible these pills were for me, I would have never taken them in the first place.
I have absolutely ZERO memories of the past month because I was alternating between the two different benzos and my tolerance built up quick. Once I ran out, I decided I hated not being able to form new memories and being a damn zombie. The first day of withdrawal began on Thursday afternoon (I had taken my last xanax pill that morning) and I suffered from some tremors, but nothing I couldn't handle.
It's beyond me how I made it through my work shift on Friday (2nd day of benzo withdrawal) because my neck and hands were shaking so bad the entire day. Jesus. Never had anxiety at this level before, even when I was coming off ADHD meds. I've barely slept the past few days and I know that I never want to touch a benzo AGAIN. My emotions started coming back and I had crying spells throughout the entire weekend.. Luckily I have a supportive big brother and SO and I told them the truth about how I need time to process my father's death and how I was trying to get over benzo withdrawal. They suggested I take time off from work and I requested a week off from work and told them the truth about how I need time to grieve. My manager was compassionate enough to allow me to take the week off and my anxiety levels have gone way down knowing that I don't have to suffer like this tomorrow at work.
The hallucinations and sensory disturbances have stopped for the most part but I am still getting tremors, although not as bad as the second day. I've been avoiding caffeine and I only ate a dinner of avocado, bacon, and eggs because the thought of food made me nauseous all morning.
Getting past benzos is seriously one of the hardest things I've ever done in life and I only took them for four weeks! Yes it's my fault for taking more than I was prescribed, but I have come to terms with the fact that I NEVER WANT TO mess with drugs again. I actually have an Ativan refill available today but the thought of touching those things terrifies me.
I am glad that I have not been taking benzos for longer and hope my withdrawal (or should I call it rebound anxiety?) doesn't last too long. For my week off from work, I'm going to try my best to keep my mind active and go running.
One last thing, I stood outside in the sunshine today in my half-anxious state and realized how precious and amazing it is that I am still alive and how thankful I am that I did not suffer from any seizures. I thought about my dad and let my feelings and tears out and realized that he helped provide me the gift of life and I shouldn't waste it. My panic attacks have gone down the past few hours.
I wish the best of luck to everyone suffering through similar withdrawals and I want you to know that we need to stay strong for each other! It really does help to ramble on so if anyone wants to post here or PM me, I am here to listen. Let's support each other.
