Getting Clean/Keep it to yourself???

[Harley3311]

I'm comming off opiates, and am just starting to get one foot out of the water after the past two years. I've gone throught the methadone thing, the suboxone thing, but feel it is for real this time as I have detoxed with simple nonaddictive medications. I never thought I would be able to go a day without anything and have actually gone many now. I am still feeling rough, but am just now starting to feel human again. Now the big thing for me is emotions, relationships, life in general I guess... I don't know whether to tell close friends about what I have been going through? Most have an idea, but I have really closed everyone out the past 1/2 year or so. I was a functioning addict that kept to myself mostly while using, except while on suboxone for a few months, then going right back to using. I go to college for art, and want to be an art teacher some day. I really want to work my addiction out in my artwork but am concerned about my professional future. I'm not THAT concerned about what classmates might think, just people not wanting to hire an addict, recovered or not, always an addict in some eyes. I want to be honest with my past when I am ready, and want to show in my artwork the bliss, pain, suffering, emotions, ect. that I have gone through. Any insight would mean alot, or anyone that has been clean and decided to close that door and move on, or those who, like me, want to work out, and try to understand what happened, and why...

 

[Jabberwocky]

Well, coming to terms with the fact I'm a heroin addict, e.g. being honest with myself about it, was the hardest part for me. I don't mean just realizing I had a problem with dope, but realizing that, if I were to continue using, I would be nothing but a hopeless case.

Get yourself a support group to help you through this. You CANNOT do this alone. I find other addicts and alcoholics, especially those recovering, to be the best sort of support. I don't feel like they judge me - after all, they've done the same, sometimes less sometimes more but essentially the same, fucked up, horrible shit I've done. Who ever it is though, get yourself a support group. The more you work on it, the stronger you make your safety net, the more likely and easier it will be for you to stay sober/keep recovering (unfortunately there is no finality to this disease, so you really have to keep up at it constantly; this is not to say it's hard - on the contrary, it seems to get infinitely easier every day).

For myself, AA/NA/HA is what really did it for me, along with moving into a sober living house. Try that, try something else, try whatever you feel will help you keep yourself in recover. Even if you relapse, it might be a good thing, making you realize how hopeless you really are. Hope this in any way helps.

Keep up the good fight! You can do it brother.

 

[Harley3311]

Thank you for the advice. I plan on going to a meeting tonight...

 

[peruvianflake]

I'm comming off opiates, and am just starting to get one foot out of the water after the past two years. I've gone throught the methadone thing, the suboxone thing, but feel it is for real this time as I have detoxed with simple nonaddictive medications. I never thought I would be able to go a day without anything and have actually gone many now. I am still feeling rough, but am just now starting to feel human again. Now the big thing for me is emotions, relationships, life in general I guess... I don't know whether to tell close friends about what I have been going through? Most have an idea, but I have really closed everyone out the past 1/2 year or so. I was a functioning addict that kept to myself mostly while using, except while on suboxone for a few months, then going right back to using. I go to college for art, and want to be an art teacher some day. I really want to work my addiction out in my artwork but am concerned about my professional future. I'm not THAT concerned about what classmates might think, just people not wanting to hire an addict, recovered or not, always an addict in some eyes. I want to be honest with my past when I am ready, and want to show in my artwork the bliss, pain, suffering, emotions, ect. that I have gone through. Any insight would mean alot, or anyone that has been clean and decided to close that door and move on, or those who, like me, want to work out, and try to understand what happened, and why...

U should keep it too yourself, because oh your life is so hard your just some druggie. Most of the people I know now as an adult that are still dealing drugs are fucking retarded, and theres very few of them.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Stay strong Harley!

 

[Harley3311]

U should keep it too yourself, because oh your life is so hard your just some druggie. Most of the people I know now as an adult that are still dealing drugs are fucking retarded, and theres very few of them.

Im confused with ur "advice" I never said I was still selling drugs, nor am I. And your right, comming off opiates after cold turkey after two years is soooo easy, what was I thinking?! Thanks for the GREAT advice. Totally not a waste of my time!

 

[chitown rollin]

<snip>. First off congratulations in trying to make a change in your life -- The first steps are to admit that you have a problem and to begin to do something about it, which you are clearly doing, that is great.

In my opinion I probably would not still be sober today if I did not have some sort of support group to help me throughout the way. I found that with people knowing and counting on me to stay sober , I feel very guilty every single time I want to use to the point that it feels that I have 'ruined' getting high in a sense... if that makes sense to you? Anyways, your support group doesn't have to come from your family or current friends! Go to an AA meeting and just talk to people and explain to them your situation, I know that if somebody came up to me and told me what you said I would love to help them. As a matter of fact I am helping my friend kick a heroin habit at the moment and it feels great to be giving back to somebody else what someone did for me. Feel free to PM me if you would like. Keep it up.

 

[Jabberwocky]

<snip>. First off congratulations in trying to make a change in your life -- The first steps are to admit that you have a problem and to begin to do something about it, which you are clearly doing, that is great.

In my opinion I probably would not still be sober today if I did not have some sort of support group to help me throughout the way. I found that with people knowing and counting on me to stay sober , I feel very guilty every single time I want to use to the point that it feels that I have 'ruined' getting high in a sense... if that makes sense to you? Anyways, your support group doesn't have to come from your family or current friends! Go to an AA meeting and just talk to people and explain to them your situation, I know that if somebody came up to me and told me what you said I would love to help them. As a matter of fact I am helping my friend kick a heroin habit at the moment and it feels great to be giving back to somebody else what someone did for me. Feel free to PM me if you would like. Keep it up.

Amen.

 

[Harley3311]

<snip>. First off congratulations in trying to make a change in your life -- The first steps are to admit that you have a problem and to begin to do something about it, which you are clearly doing, that is great.

In my opinion I probably would not still be sober today if I did not have some sort of support group to help me throughout the way. I found that with people knowing and counting on me to stay sober , I feel very guilty every single time I want to use to the point that it feels that I have 'ruined' getting high in a sense... if that makes sense to you? Anyways, your support group doesn't have to come from your family or current friends! Go to an AA meeting and just talk to people and explain to them your situation, I know that if somebody came up to me and told me what you said I would love to help them. As a matter of fact I am helping my friend kick a heroin habit at the moment and it feels great to be giving back to somebody else what someone did for me. Feel free to PM me if you would like. Keep it up.

Thank you for the advice. It does make sense with the guilt of using. My doctor said in the beginning that the idea was to "ruin" getting high. In my meeting yesterday that was a big topic. Someone told the story of a guy that went a year and decided he was going to use(drinker). He walked into a random bar off the street and said he wanted a drink. The bartender asked the man, "Are you sure you want it?" Well it turns out that the bartender was at the meeting where the man announced that he had been clean one year, he didn't have the drink... But I agree it is a big motivation when people start to ask you how your doing it, and for help. Then if you use your not only letting yourself down but those that look up to you for staying clean. I don't think I'm really at the point to help anyone really, and tried to cut off all ties with my using "friends." I would gladly help someone, or try to, if they asked. It just help to hear from others that are going through similar things. I laughed today for the first time in month, it was weird. At first the emotions comming back are overwhelming, then its actually nice to FEEL again... But keep up what your doing cause it sounds like your in a good place!

 

[chitown rollin]

Thanks. Yes, emotions come back to you like none you have ever felt before. Some people refer to the acronym Sober as Son Of a Bitch Everythings Real actually. That's a great story about the bartender I enjoyed reading that, it just goes to show you that just because you think that everyone is still using, it's probably because you are choosing to surround yourself with those people and there are people getting sober everywhere. It's great that you're going to AA on your own because I don't go enough and would never even go if it wasn't for my IOP forcing me lol.