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Advice Geriatric Parenting

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
1,297
Location
Looking-Glass Land
Don't know if this is the right place for this, and I don't really hang out but check in and check back, but my wife is 46 and she wants to ask her oby/gyn about uterine cysts, they wanted do a hysterectomy but my wife thinks she may want to have another child. So I told her to ask her doctor but I'll commit if everything checks out for her. So now I'm extrememely stressed and and want a kid bad. We already have 2 teenagers and I'm 56 years old. I'm thinking this is crazy stupid and a pipe dream. Is this selfish? Looney? I'm still on meds for major depression, manic depression, and general anxiety, plus I smoke pot like I drink coffee or chew nictotine gum. I had 3 beers yesterday fishing with my kids along with a pot and half of coffee and survived so I'm hoping I can continue to drink like a gentleman so to speak. But this is getting fucking crazy fast. Help?
 
Honestly don’t do it ! It’s so much harder when older . I’m 43 and have a 21 , 18 and 3 year old with my husband . Yes the older kids help but I’m exhausted chasing a toddler . Now that your kids are almost adults enjoy your time back with your wife , relax, travel .. Plus you are 56 so you prob won’t be around for too long into their adulthood, their children won’t have any grandparents ..
 
We have a big family and money's not an issue, my wife and I always butted heads over having a daughter, it probably would have caused a divorce if we had a daughter when we were younger. I don't want to retire and travel, my wife's involved with our kid's parish school so she'd make an excellent mother IMO. I really dont care if we have a boy or a girl, I have a really good geriatric psychiatrist so I'll bring it up with her but I'm not going to see her until mid July. I'm thinking I'll just tell her what's going on and see what she thinks. One last thing, my dad told me a story when I was a kid that his cousin got pregnant but she had a heart condition that the doctors told her would kill her if she had the baby, so she did have the baby, and yes she died during childbirth. So, there's that to deal with, too.

Edit: Its not going to kill me if I don't have another kid, we have neighbors who never had kids and love children, so I know I can deal with not having another one. It's just that I think we both my wife and I want another one. Besides if rock stars can father kids at age 60 or 70 then I can father one at 56 or 57 (hoping for 56 if we try). It's my wife who needs to decide whether she is up for it, I've always been but we had so many problems in our marriage for so many years we never could. Now we can.
 
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The Axe said:
Okay she said, no kid. Yeah, I thought this might be a grieving thing for me, or maybe grieving thing for her. I can get pretty delusional and spiritually dyslexic. Okay all clear just a little embarrassment,
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No need to be embarrassed. Having a kid in your 50s would be fucking hard. I totally get your hesitation on the subject.
 
This world will be a scary place for a 60 year old in the 2080's. Adopt a kid if you want one, there are many of them. Don't bring more people into this trainwreck.

Kids with old parents turn out funny too. A mixture of grandparent-like upbringing and funky genetic material.
 
Yeah my advice is don't do it. You aren't the same physical you as you once were I'm sure. It's exhausting. An easy decision to feel is right, at the moment.. But reality is another story.

Why is it your wife wants another child? I feel like there may be deeper issues here that you are trying to solve by having a kid when that's most likely not going to solve anything but make things worse. I could be wrong but that's how it feels.
 
moonyham said:
Yeah my advice is don't do it. You aren't the same physical you as you once were I'm sure. It's exhausting. An easy decision to feel is right, at the moment.. But reality is another story.

Why is it your wife wants another child? I feel like there may be deeper issues here that you are trying to solve by having a kid when that's most likely not going to solve anything but make things worse. I could be wrong but that's how it feels.
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You’ve said that twice now. Plus an extra sentence. Why not just edit?
 
Well I suggested said spoiled brats buy their mother flowers, balloons, and a card for her birthday and take her out to breakfast so we'll see what they come up with in the morning. Probabably too busy to care, kids these days. No respect.
 
The Axe said:
Well I suggested said spoiled brats buy their mother flowers, balloons, and a card for her birthday and take her out to breakfast so we'll see what they come up with in the morning. Probabably too busy to care, kids these days. No respect.
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With that kind of attitude towards parenting, I wonder why they possibly wouldn't be celebrating you and your wife....
 
Yeah too afraid to live too afraid to die. I was born with a pectis caranatum +1 and have never so much as cracked my sternum, I don't even know how to fully do it. Come to find out on google that adults can treat at home with simple barbells and yoga poses on a yoga mat. No brace or metal bar surgery is needed. So I guess I'll start working on that. I've always hated my chest (putting it mildly here) but thought if I asked my parents to have it fixed young I was being a pretentious spoiled brat (prettiest boy in town). I'd have probably screwed myself to death, or at least made a good faith effort, if I fixed it young anyways knowing what I know now. So its all water under dam at this point. I'm pretty sure I can navigate between Scylla and Charybdis now because I'm a big boy and hopefully can act responsibly if I go a little flatty. But I'm wondering if its going to cause a growth spurt or if I have to adjust my height in order to release the pectis caranatum. Plus I'm not familiar with working muscle sets but as far as I can tell I only need to work on 2 sets of back muscles and work 2 different yoga poses while lying on my stomach. I'm also more than a little concerned that moving anything in my thorax is going damage my heart and major arteries causing a heart attack or stroke or tearing something. I guess I'll feel my way slowly and spend some time each day or other day as a routine. I'm pretty good at touching my toes and doing balance exercises (slowly), pretty good at walking with pointed feet, and pretty good at finding my center of balance while standing, so I'm hopeful I'm not going to kill myself trying to do this. I'm only 56 but I have no idea what's going to happen, maybe just weights and yoga? I'll add it to my hill climbing routine once I get a feel for it.
 
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I worked on my back muscles yesterday, a couple unexpected cracks here and there which knocked me off my feet but I survived. This morning I pitched the boys on going tandem to a Catholic School in Spain where they can rub elbows with the folks on the hill, go to bull fights, run around Europe, study whatever they choose, play water polo, and chase girls. Our first 9 years were spent in a one bedroom apartment albeit with Cliffside Ocean Views but man it was cramped. I'm thinking the church is safe, they have each other's back, the education and sports on offer are world-class. And the women? I dunno. I never been to Spain.
 
Okay I think I'm being heard now by my wife I think at least I'm optimistic. Either that or I'm going to retire with snoopdog on the beach or wherever and drink coronas. Another real crazy idea a crossed my mind but I'll leave that be I've got some kind of reproduction urges that are getting a little peculiar. My older son said its okay if my wife and I have another child if we cooperate. Somehow that morphed in my mind into a whole bunch of crazy possibilities. Weird, must be too much cannabis and anxiety over changing the way I look if I do yoga, I think I need to grind down or adjust my cartilage to shift breast plate/ribs somehow. I'm going to wait a while maybe and go slow. Its starting to crack on my left side but it feels like braces for my thorax.
 
Yes, I am considering another annis horrible but I'm seriously trying go inactive, how hard can filing 1 form be? Sheesh. I have till end of year and I think its only 1 page and a fee and a bunch of donation algorithms to do battle with. I'm pretty optimistic despite some unpleasant self inflicted things wounds suffered during Covid. We'll survive!
 
Back to the business deal existential mindfuck. Have a 4 unit I bought 20 years ago next to another 4 unit built at the same time by the same people, the other parcel has gone through some ownership changes since. I could buy out the adjacent parcel, combine the lots, harmonize and upgrade per code, then co-op it back to the tenants.
 
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