From Heroin to Codeine

[sk2000]

I have this dilemma and I have a guess at the obvious answer. But like most people who seek the pleasures of opiates, we generally do not go with the morally right decision. I do understand that not everyone is in the same situations as some take it for medical issues, some for fun, and some because they are enslaved to it. I am the much latter of the three. Although I do take it for recreational, enjoying purposes, I do have a history with this evil lover. Back when I was at home (currently in Oz with relatives) in the states, I was a daily, multiple times a day, can't go a few hours without losing it, IV heroin user. In the back of my mind, I really felt like this relationship, although can take breaks, will never truely end.

With my story comes all the common attributes of a fully addicted, morally broken, physically and mentally shaken being. I do not want to play the blame game with what became of my life thus far, but this is one thing I use to do to the max (im talking never blaming myself and always the external being the cause). Now I know that ultimately, it is on me. I wont go into detail of my life but will say that I did lose my father to brain cancer at age 9, dealt with multiple medical issues from age 15-present, deal with anxiety, depression, social phobia although this is getting better, and much more. These experience I was not ready for, but then again, who is. The medical issues were mainly rare infections causing mental and physical scarring, losing my social life (my fault), and becoming dependent of all substances. That is, until I met IV heroin.

After I learned of the IV, other drugs did not interest me much, as heroin IVed provided and fulfilled all that I craved. I felt love. Although this lover is abusive and evil, it knew no limits to get you back. I became dark for this lover, I would break my moral codes for it, steal, lie, cheat, whatever it was. After 3-4 years of abuse, I was riddened with tracks and broken all over again. It wasn't until I HAD to stop that I did. I had been infected again, this time with Infective Endocarditis. I was rushed to ER by ambulence and do not recall the first two weeks inside the hospital. I had surguries done and every type of scan known taken, multiple times. This infection was inside my heart, lungs, and veins. They told me if I were a few days late, I would not be here. After they took care of the big stuff, I still had to live at the hospital for 2 months being given several IV's, pills, and check-up scans to see how much the infection had lessened. I am doing much better today, although I will probably be living with this infection of the heart for the rest of my life, as long as I manage it, Im sure I can live quite fully. I am free of heroin today and only seem to go through PAWS but withdrawal-wise I am clear of. PAWS is probably worse in many aspects and you all know well why.

So after I left the hospital I came to Oz and its been a little over a month since Ive been here. As of today, I had been taking OTC codeine CWE every other day, sometimes 3-4 days straight with pretty much no serious withdrawal symptom in sight. Although I can wake up a bit anxious and see myself daydream about using, this is more the PAWS from my previous more severe addiction rather than this little codeine bender I have been on for about 2 weeks, maybe a few days more. I wanted to ask, should I continue to use codeine like this as long as I see that it is not getting out of control and causing serious problems? Or should I stop everyone all together? I know the obvious answer is the latter, but you see I was heavily dependent on benzos for medical purposes and took a lot of strong opiates because of my heart condtion causing heart related issues.

As of now, I take nothing, I mean nothing. An asprin here and there and codeine for both recreational/medicinal purposes. When I breath deeply, I feel the infection in my heart, it hurts and so I cant cough, yawn, or hiccup without tearing up. The codeine helps the pain and also brings about a sense of calm and peace in me. I know this is a huge step because the old me, taking all the codeine in the world would give zero effects. My tolerance was insane to say the least. Now my tolerance to most everything is lowered to the point where CWE codeine of a 24-pack will bring on good effects. I know this cant continue forever as this can become just as ugly, but as long as I can keep it under control (dose only one time in the day and take days off without w/d), should I continue this crutch? Please let me know what your advice is, as I have to live with this infection in my heart now and am not making excuses. THey had me on methadone and oxy for the pain from it but now I take none of that. Deal with the daily pain knowing I have a history, or try and maintain control with it?

 

[Halif]

Hi sk2000

Be kind to yourself. It's not morally wrong or evil or whatever to use a crutch such as an opiate to deal with psychological pain. No more than it is 'wrong' to use painkillers for physical pain, anyway.

You've had a hard time and now you can just allow yourself a bit of comfort. If doing a CWE brings that comfort, then do it for as long you need it. It could be worse, right?

At some point you'll probably get tired of the dependency and then you can move off it. But for the time being, just be good to yourself and rest up.

Take care

 

[footscrazy]

sk2000, I hope you don't mind, but I added paragraph breaks to your post, because most people aren't going to bother to read a massive chunk of text.

Regarding your question, I think what you said here is important:

I know this cant continue forever as this can become just as ugly, but as long as I can keep it under control (dose only one time in the day and take days off without w/d), should I continue this crutch?

You've said yourself you know this can't continue forever, so asking whether you should continue if you can keep it under control is somewhat redundant. At a certain point, the cwe's you're doing will cease to be effective - what are you going to do then? I think it'd be very hard to decide that at that point, you're just going to stop opioid use altogether. I think it's arriving at this point which causes most people who start on codeine to progress on to stronger opioids. It can happen so gradually as well, because at first you'll just use higher doses of codeine, then 20mg oxy on top of your cwe will get you where you need, and it progresses as your tolerance rises.

I do agree with Halif in that I don't believe there's anything intrinsically wrong with using opioids for whatever reason. It seems though, that you have some significant reasons why you don't want to go back to a strong opioid addiction, and I think you need to consider this. Ultimately it's upto you to decide when the negatives of opioid use outweigh the positives, or where you draw the line. I do believe that using codeine recreationaly is leading you down that path - it doesn't have to - but it's more risky than using no opioids. I think it's important to think seriously about the consequences now, because the further down the path you go, the harder it is to turn back.

 

[sk2000]

thanks for the replies to both halif and footscrazy. You both are so right in your own ways.

First off, halif I agree that just this battle inside my own mind of whether I should use it or not and if I do am I doing wrong or is it ok, the back and forth of "yes its fine" then suddenly "no its not", this constant arguing cant be good for my well-being. It brings anxiety and stress alone, ontop of the anxiety and depression that already exists. Whether I continue this or not, I couldn't agree more with your first words "Be kind to yourself". Whether I say yes or no, i should remain kind to myself otherwise either decision is going to cause much stress. So i thank you for your words and take it to heart.

To footscrazy, first of all, thank you for the paragraph break ups! I know no one likes to read a big block of words, I know I dont lol. Anyways, your words of wisdom is the truth I spoke of above. The obvious, "real" answer to what I should do. The "right" answer if it were as simple as right and wrong. I still cant say what Im going to do. Im sure that whatever the outcome, support like this from others is just as benefitial to me as the relief i feel from opiates. Not seeking help from others and only relying on one's self can become dangerous for many, as it has with me.

Thanks a lot to both again and hope to hear advise soon!

 

[Polluted_Mind]

How much codeine are you using each day?

From experience your tolerance will rise quickly and soon you will need ~600mg daily to get to just baseline, and ~900mg for any significant recreational effect.

I sympathize with your situation in that codeine is definitely a better situation than being dependant upon oxy/methadone (so make sure the former doesn't lead on to the latter). Also being dependant on codeine in Australia isn't all that bad because you can still lead a normal life (with just lots of visits to various pharmacists).

If I was in your situation I would probably just try to spread the codeine use out, maybe to 2-3 times a week max only when your illness really demands it, which will mean your tolerance won't cancel out the analgesic effects, and will give your body much needed time to reset.

When I was young I was stupid and got a proper codeine habit, but after 3 years of using none I started again a few months ago but with a more mature mind, and can happily take it a maximum of 2 times a week without any physical or psychological addiction. It's mild enough so that with self-control you can enjoy it this often without any addiction (physical or psychological), just like having some drinks on the weekend. In fact I think this is the case with most of the fellow Aussies here who use it. In other words it has to be respected, and if you find yourself indulging too often you have to have the foresight to step back and give yourself a break.

Try to find this happy spot, but to do so in your case with prior daily use might require you to stop it entirely for a few weeks so you can "wipe the slate clean".

PS: This is just my experience and I am not a physician, so take it as an anecdote only.

 

[gimpan]

Heroin to codeine is a huge step, if you've done this you should have no problem weening yourself off codeine.

 

[aussie101]

The world is a backwards place. Opiates should be used as anti-depressants. Why is it a crime to be high and happy? Prohibition puts the mobs and gangs in charge of drug distribution. All governments should follow what Portugal has done and legalise it all - and tax it...imagine how wealthy countries would become if they changed their backward laws.. How much safer streets/neighbourhoods would become... I think there is a long line of corruption stoppinmg this from happening including big pharma and government officials. Any how....

Don't beat yourself up for using. And stepping from smack to codeine would be hard but do-able. Get some benzos that will help with the transition. I just did a crazy transition myself from high dose methadone to high dose oxycodone/morphine to bupe to benzos. Now on 2 valium a day only. If i can do that, you can sure as hell do what you're proposing. I wrote a post about it if you want to go find it...

Good luck.

 

[webbykevin]

Is your american medical insurance paying for all this health care that the australian tax payer has paid for themselves ?

 

[aussie101]

Is your american medical insurance paying for all this health care that the australian tax payer has paid for themselves ?

Shame about American health care...its a mess huh. Too much war on drugs, war on terror etc. Health care should be free. So should education.