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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

From binge drinking to abstinence = depressed

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paranoidandvoid

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 22, 2005
Messages
65
Location
West Coast, North America
I've decided to quit drinking entirely. I was having maybe 2-3 beers every other weeknight, then as many as I wanted on weekends. The binge drinking was taking a toll on my marriage, and my wife had enough. I promised countless times the morning after blacking out that it would be the last time, that I could control it. Turns out I did it one too many times. I've now taken a vow of complete sobriety in order to save my marriage.

So now, sadly I feel depressed about sobriety. We live in a small town, don't really know many people that don't drink, and don't know what we can do for fun that doesn't involve drinking. I feel like I'm stuck at home all the time, which bores me to death. Alcohol used to cure that boredom.

Before I wanted to get out and socialize whenever possible (which still hardly happened), but the thought of doing that without a single drink really scares me. Now I fear I'll be stuck with the mundane for the rest of my life, all because I couldn't control my drinking. I don't want drinking to be my only source of enjoyment, but don't know what I can do sober. It's amazing how much of my life involved drinking before - from a date with my wife playing pool to socializing with anyone period.

Anyway, my question is - how can I get out of my current frame of mind, accept that I don't have to drink to have fun, and somehow have fun not drinking?
 
Before I wanted to get out and socialize whenever possible (which still hardly happened), but the thought of doing that without a single drink really scares me. Now I fear I'll be stuck with the mundane for the rest of my life, all because I couldn't control my drinking. I don't want drinking to be my only source of enjoyment, but don't know what I can do sober. It's amazing how much of my life involved drinking before - from a date with my wife playing pool to socializing with anyone period.

Anyway, my question is - how can I get out of my current frame of mind, accept that I don't have to drink to have fun, and somehow have fun not drinking?
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You can have fun without drinking. It sounds to me like you're doing things that weren't that fun to begin with (which is why you need alcohol to make it interesting).

If you feel you have/had a drinking problem, there are other options available to you, AA (even though some people don't agree with this, it does work for some people). There are also pharmacological treatments available if you want to go that route. Of course you run the risk of replacing one addiction with another, sometime your wife may not agree with, understandably so.

I don't know if Other Drugs is the right place for this thread, since you're trying to get away from drugs (in this case, alcohol) and move your life into a different direction.

I'm not a mod, but maybe you could ask one of the OD mods to move this into Healthy Living, if you feel you may get more/better replies over there. At least check out that forum, as it is more in line with what you're getting at.

Congratulations on deciding to stop your drinking, by the way and good luck :)
 
It is indeed a possibility, but I don't think the OP's drinking was bad enough (in both frequency and dosage) to really warrant something like benzodiazepine taper therapy.

SSRI or other antidepressant therapy is an option, however. SSRIs are very hit-or-miss though.
 
no i dont mean benzos, i mean just taking an interest in another drug rather than alcohol. like marijuana for instance, or if that's not your thing kratom perhaps or kava. i know switching addictions isn't the best but i also think its comforting to know you can still get euphoric.
 
Hey OP,

I'm going to move this over to The Dark Side for you where they can definitely help you out. Just know that there are literally millions of people who are in the same position as you and millions more who have moved on from that position and learned to absolutely love a sober life as well.

Best of luck!

OD>>>TDS
 
I wouldn't mind smoking weed, but my wife is definitely not for any illegal drugs. Although we've done it together a handful of times, she wants us to be done with it. She used to got the urge when she was drinking; now that neither of us are she probably won't be cool with the idea again.

It's been almost a week now and there are definitely not physical wd symptoms. It's more like being depressed because on Friday night I'm sitting up at home alone, with nothing better to do than watch TV or play videogames. I have a step-daughter, and realize life's not a constant party, but I still have the urge to do something fun on the weekends. We've tried going bowling, etc. (good clean fun) as a family, but my step-daughter always throws a fit when it's time to go home. This pisses me off, and kind of ruins the whole thing for me.

I get very stressed about being a step-parent and all the complications it adds to my marriage. Basically all this stress adds up, and I have trouble coping. Going out and doing something fun would be a nice break from the everyday stress, but we rarely do so (my wife is working very long hours right now). Anyway, the problem isn't avoiding drinking (so no point joining AA), the problem is avoiding being depressed when I'm not drinking...
 
^Since the problem is less related to the actual substance than (at least I) originally thought, please ignore my suggestions to do more drugs...

You need to find a hobby, yes, for some people video games and television are a hobby, but they're not good hobbies at all IMO. You need something that interests you, something that you look forward to doing and something you can do both by yourself and with other people. Basically something that's rewarding.

So what things are you interested in? (Besides drinking, of course =D)
 
I second that question of what are you interested in? There are surely a number of things that you're into that went dormant when alcohol started taking over. I find that whenever something I've grown accustomed to or dependent on leaves the scene, there is a little while where everything feels empty and dull but then old passions start to bubble up to the surface. I'd advise looking out and listening to those things and try to resist the urge to fill up all your time with meaningless noise and the like (ie constant tv) that will just distract and leave you feeling cold.

Maybe this all sounds kind of abstract but hopefully makes sense. Sometimes all you need is one thing to springboard you into a whole realm of other things. A project is often a good place to start, lets you go at your own pace, get used to yourself in this new sober state, engage your body and mind. Could be anything really, maybe build a dog house or something for your wife or step-daughter. Are you into any kinds of art? Music, visual, literary etc? Have an old guitar gathering dust in the corner maybe? Maybe try your hand at one of those...

Just some suggestions that often work for me. And chin up and all that, this could become an awesome chance to realize what you're capable of.
 
I've started playing the piano some, which I think is helping. But I'm more worried about my inability (or what I feel is) to socialize at events without alcohol. Weddings, large family gatherings with my in-laws (e.g. holidays), etc. I am obligated to go to these events, and normally would have been fine as long as I was drinking. Now that I'm not, I worry about starting conversations, etc.

Suggestions?
 
I don't see any harm in having a drink or two at a wedding or other family event, but there's no rule saying you have to. You are capable of having social interaction without alcohol, that's for sure. Don't fall in to the "everybody else is drinking, so therefore I have to as well" trap....

I've started playing the piano some, which I think is helping.
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This is very good. The fact that you have something to do besides drink or think about drinking is very positive. Have you considered going to take lessons or something like that?

There is always the possibility of involving your wife in your activities as well. The last thing you want to do is make it a requirement for alcohol to be involved in what you're doing.
 
I already know how to play the piano (had lessons for years when I was younger), but decided to take it back up. It's actually very relaxing for me, and a great way to start the day. My wife has (finally) agreed to go to the gym with me or play tennis, anything physical that will help get some endorphins going.

OverDone said:
keep in mind that socializing can be a skill. Some are naturals but many have to work at it but the anxiety of failing prevents the effort.
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I realize it is a skill, and it's something I'd like to work on. I don't want to rely on alcohol to be able to socialize (although it does usually make it more fun). I know exactly what you mean with the failing preventing the effort part. I didn't start working on my social skills until maybe 6 years ago, when I realized I severely lacked them. A series of negative social interactions made it difficult to want to be around people. I know that my perception of my interaction is probably much more negative than how the other person sees it. Even so, I dread interacting with people (especially in this small town) because if I come away from the conversation feeling I said something stupid, or that I didn't have a positive interaction, it will hamper further relations or their thoughts of me. I guess I feel like there would be less pressure if I knew I would never see any of these people again. The fact is, everyone knows everyone here, and I know I will see these people again. I know I need to use positive self-talk to help me through this, but I struggled with this even when I was drinking. Now it's even more difficult.
 
I can relate to alcohol being practically mandatory for social events. I feel almost awkward without a drink in my hand.

Even something like a buddy coming over for dinner on a Wednesday requires at minimum a 6-pack of beer. It's social protocol, like having wine with dinner in Italy. And it's unfortunate that having the same close friends since HS has done nothing to shock my out of this routine.
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